I'm not sure who the MSTers are
*sweatdrop*. I remember that Serpent was Neko, but that's about it. I'll
just insert myself and Snifit 2 until we figure it all out.
>The Story Of Lavos
Snifit: It's like the Zodiac Brave Story, but with worse grammar.
Brandon: Ware you worried abuot me?
Neko: No, bot I am worried abuot keping uor santiy intackt.
>By Lavos Core
Brandon: LAVOS CORE presents a LAVOS CORE film. LAVOS CORE is LAVOS CORE in . . . THE STORY OF LAVOS CORE . . . Starring LAVOS CORE as LAVOS CORE with LAVOS CORE as LAVOS CORE and LAVOS CORE as LAVOS core.
Neko: Writen and Directed by LAVOS CORE and based on the book 'THE STORY OF LAVOS' by LAVOS CORE.
Snifit: Soundtrack Avalible on Shinra records featuring the hit single 'LAVOS CORE' by LAVOS CORE.
>Crono Marle and Magus were one day sitting down in the end of time talking about
> their adventures
Neko (Crono): . . . ! . . . ? . . . !!!
Brandon (Marle): . . . and then you dealt the imp a hard blow? *giggle* Crono, you're so strong!
Snifit (Magus/Dr. Evil): Why must I be surrounded by idiots?
>when all the sudden Crono asked Spekkio "What is the True Story of lavos Spekkio?"
Neko (Spekkio): Well, it began long ago in the lair of Bangle Fred . . .
Snifit (Jane): Angol.
Neko (Spekkio): Whatever.
Brandon: I thought Lavos fell from space right in front of Crono's group?
Snifit: Maybe they forgot?
Brandon: How the fluff could that happen?
Neko: GF abuse.
Brandon: Oh . . .
>With a mad look on his face Spekkio says
Brandon (Spekkio): And so then I says to him, 'Yeah baby! Yeah! Yeah! 'cause I'm the Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight!'
>"Well its about time you learn about it"
Snifit: If you know, you can forsee. Learn and prepare for battles.
>You see back in 500 Ad before you all were born
Brandon: Magus was born in 12000 BC or so . . . I'm not a math expert, but I think that was before 500 AD.
Neko: This was probably written by one of those Atari guys who decided that the Jaguar was a 64-bit system.
>lavos was a normal boy named Ryan,
Brandon (Fei): Guh?
Neko: Well . . . he was pretty much normal, except for being a huge spiny creature which fell to earth a few million years ago . . .
Snifit: I think we're going to have to just smile and nod through most of this fic . . .
>but Ryan one day met Queen Zeal
Brandon: Well, I could sing a parody of the Brady Bunch song here, but I have a feeling that no one wants to hear that.
Snifit: That was a good feeling you got.
Neko: Yes, that is the way!
>Ryan: hey mommy can we goto the park today?
Neko: Chronotrigger park is frightening in the dark, all the Re~eptites are ru-ning wi~ild . . .
Snifit: This would actually make more sense if it was set back when there where Reptites and such.
>Ryan's Mom: Sure honey
Brandon: Ryan's Mom has no name. She's expendable.
>Jumping up and down "Yay we get to goto the park!"
Neko: Wha? 'Sure honey' is jumping up and down?
Brandon: No, 'Jumping up and down' is saying that we get to go to the park.
Snifit: No, no, no. The 'Sure Honey' isn't Ryan's Mom's dialogue, but stage directions telling her to use her 'Sure Honey', which is a secret status-bosting item from Seiken Densetsu 4. It causes Ryan to jump up and down, and thus his name is repaced with 'Jumping up and down' in the next window, indicating his altered status.
Brandon & Neko: *sweatdrop*
>once arriving by their Buggy
Brandon: Isn't that the name of a killer robot in their world?
Neko: I think that's 'Bugger', 'Debugger', and 'Debuggest.'
>Ryan jumps down and immediatly swings on the swings
Brandon: Lavos-boy puts the 'GRR-BAH' in Swinger, baby.
>Ryan: Wheeee Wheeee!! eeek MOMMY HELP!!
Snifit (Ryan): Heeelp! I seem to have gotten my conspicuously large spines stuck in this little seat.
>Ryan was being tugged down into the ground by a great force
Neko: Mog had danced the Dusk Requiem in a desperate attempt to cut short the fanfic.
>Ryan's Mom: Oh my god Ryan!!
Snifit: Oh my godryan?
Brandon: Godryan was one of those fighters who just didn't make the cut at Square's Ehrgiez tryouts.
>Ryan had disappeared under the ground now
Neko (Daravon): This was the darkened Ryan won't appear.
Brandon (Austin Powers) : Dig! Dig! You're a lemur! It's all you've got. You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting!
Neko: But he does have sharp spines capable of causing a Nuclear holocaust.
>ohhh where am i?
Snifit: You're the author, you tell us.
Brandon: The fanfic doesn't even know where it is. We're screwed.
>You are in the Ocean palace my sweet one
Neko: Lavos always struck me as more of a 'Cinnamony Hot' than 'Sweet.'
Snifit: Well, if the plans to market Grizzly Twizzlys in the realm of the living fail, we can always try selling 'atomic Lavos balls.'
>Who are you?
Brandon: I AM *stomp-turn* A MAN *stomp-turn* OF THE SEA!
>I am your Grandma
Snifit: That line really sucked the tension and drama right out of that scene.
Neko: Luke . . . *pshhhh* . . . I am your Grandma . . . *pshhh* . . .
>Ryan: GRANDMA!! Hi grandma!
Brandon (Ryan): Okay nice lady I love you bye-bye!
>Shut up Ryan
Neko (Grandma): Show some respect to yer' elders, boy! Durn kids today, with their all-caps and multiplicable ex-clam-ation points. Back in my day we only got 5 punctuation marks per fanfic, and we where durn pleased to have 'em!
>my real name is Queen Zeal
Snifit: But you can call me Susan.
Brandon: Actually, her real name is the unpronouncable symbol of the 'ethos' church. Now she's "the Queen formerly known as Grandma."
Neko: Let me guess, next we're going to party like it's-
Brandon: The millenial fair, off course.
>now you shut up and obey my orders
Brandon (Zeal/Gendo): Ryan, you suck. You're my sucky little pawn.
Snifit: Don't most grandparents leave the 'shut up and obey me' stuff to the parents and spoil the kids when they visit?
Neko: Yeah, but Zeal kinda threw both of her own kids into a hole in space-time, so they're a little on the disfunctional side.
Snifit: "My Mom Threw Me into a Time Warp!" . . . on the next Jerry Springer.
>Ryan starts to cry
Neko (Seifer): Chicken-wuss.
>i want my mommy wheres my mommy
Brandon: Look at that. The fanfic itself is crying out for it's mommy.
Snifit: I guess it's traumatized by having this guy write it . . .
>Queen Zeal: CAN ANYONE GET THIS KID TO SHUT THE HELL UP??
Neko: Yeesh, the guy whined for all of half a line of text. What got her so worked up?
Brandon: She must be eating one of our 'Atomic Lavos Balls.' If they where any hotter, they'd reach critical mass.
>Uther: I'll try Queen
Snifit: Who's Uther?
Brandon: He's the legendary fourth Guru and the real hero of Chrono Trigger . . . at least that's what Mayor Domino said in his last book . . .
Neko: You read Domino's last book?
Brandon: Well, I saw the title and I mistook it for a new Fritz Fraundorf fanfic . . .
>Uther: hey Ryan shut up or i slice your throat off
Neko: How the heck do you cut someone's throat off? Wait . . . don't answer that.
Snifit: That's like threatening to cut off someone's knee or something. Weird.
>Queen Zeal: FOOL DONT DO THAT
Brandon (NORG): FOOL-DO-NOT-DO-THOSE-THINGS! I-AM-IN-CONTROL-OF-WHAT-THIS-GARDEN-DOES! Fushurururu!
>you see Ryan is a special boy..
Neko (Yakko): He's our new 'special friend.'
>He may seem like an ordinary boy but deep down he has a Evil Evil Heart
Brandon (Dr. Evil): Is it an . . . evil heart?
Snifit: Not just an evil heart, but an evil evil heart.
>and im determined to bring that heart out
Neko: Queen Zeal conducts some open evil evil heart surgery.
Brandon: I think they had that on the Evil Discovery chanel one night.
>Uther: I see go on
>Queen Zeal: if it works well then.. We will have that legendary force in our hands
Snifit (Zeal): The power of . . . Waffles!
Neko (Uther): Yes! At last the power of Waffles will be ours!
Brandon (Zeal): And then we can develop a dip with the taste of real bacon!
>Uther: You You mean ryan is Lavos?
Neko: Is Uther stuttering?
Snifit: Yeah, he's really that short kid from Leader's Force.
>Queen Zeal: right.. When Ryan was born he had heart problems the reasan was
Brandon (Zeal/Dr. Evil): his heart just wasn't evil enough. It was semi-evil, it was quasi-evil, the margerine of evil, the diet coke of evil. Just one calori-
Snifit: We get the ref.
>that his heart was half human and half mutant
Neko: Teenage Mutant Ninja Internal Organs.
>They thought they took out all the mutant part but they were wrong.
Brandon (Thin Man): They just used his heart for experiments for the space aliens that line in North Corel! Then they came with their black helicopters and their mind-altering Furbies! Then they used a secret network of underground-*pa-fwappa*
Snifit: Is he always like this?
Neko: Only on days ending in 'y'.
>Uther: ahhh so you plan on making the Mutant Half the dominant heart?
Neko: The Mutant Half 0wnZ UR h34rt, d00d.
>Queen Zeal: Now yur understanding
Snifit: Wait a sec! The fic isn't supposed to change to match the riffs!
Brandon: Maybe the mutant half of this fanfic is growing.
>Ryan: I've been Wistening in and i Hweard that im The legendary force called Wavos?
Neko: And suddenly, the kid has an accent.
Snifit: Okay . . . he capitalized 'Wistening' and 'The', but he didn't capitalize all those 'i's . . . why?
Neko: This was the darkened sense won't make.
>Queen Zeal: right and im your Grandma
Snifit: Which means that one of his parents has to be Schala or Janus/Magus.
Brandon: It's gotta be Schala, since Magus' son is Mirai no Pants.
Brandon: I'll explain later.
>Ryan: well yur never gonna get my mutant heart to be the dominant one
Snifit: Wait a sec, even if his heart was mutated, it doesn't really control his emotions or anything. What would be the point? Oh wait, don't think about it.
>Uther: Zeal how do you plan on making it dominant?
Neko (Zeal): Very Carefully.
>Queen Zeal: By sacrificing your body to him?
Brandon: Well, it worked for Altima.
>Uther: by whating my body??
>Queen Zeal: in other words yur gonna die
Snifit: In dumber words, too.
>Uther: Dont sacrifice my body just to restore Lavos!
Neko: Restore Lavos? What happened to him?
Brandon: Apparently he was transformed into a bratty kid by the plot contrivance bomb.
>Queen Zeal: but you will be part of Ryan as Lavos
Snifit: That's right, we'll all be one big happy planet-eating alien.
>Uther: Ahhh kewl!!
Snifit: This dialogue does have sharp teeth capable of biting.
>Queen Zeal begins to cast the spell of sacrifice
Brandon: . . . But since there where allready two outs, it was ineffective.
>Ryan: Wheres my mommy!! Grandma yur a low down wretched piece of crap *cry*
>wheres my MOMMY!!!!
Brandon: *cry* I want outa this THEATER!
>Queen Zeal: Shut up Ryan You will be Lavos soon with Uther
Snifit (Uther/Sephiroth): I am becoming one with the Lavos *raises arms*
>Uther: I am ready Zeal
Neko: Ready to Form Lavos! Activate Interlock! Dynatherms Contected! Megathrusters are go!
Neko/Brandon/Snifit: Let's Go Lavos Force!
>Queen Zeal chants the spell of sacrifice
Brandon (Daravon): Open Seven Doors of the Birdhouse in my Soul! Brave Cardboard box! Saclifice!
>Uther: AIEEEEE MY SOUL IS BEING SUCKKED INTO RRYYYAANN!!!!
Snifit: Ryan is Nintendo's Kirby in The Story Of Lavos.
>Uther's body drops to the ground
Neko: . . . and another one bites the dust.
>Queen Zeal: how do you feel Ryan
Brandon (Ryan): I got a good feeling! This job is a gift from God!
>Ryan: it is me Uther now controlling his body
Snifit (Uther): ha ha Ryan, now i owns yur body. i am mor kewl than u!
>Queen Zeal: good now to make you 2 share the body
Neko (Zeal): Now you two share and play good while you're off destroying all life on earth ^_^
>Queen Zeal chants a spell share body!
Snifit: They have a spell for that?
Neko: I don't even want to here the FFT quote for that one.
>Ryan: Good Job Zeal I HATE YOU GRANDMA!!!
Brandon (Scottish Accent): Ahh, I love you- GET THOSE SHOES OFF! GET THEM OFF NOU!
>Queen Zeal: Now for the turning into Lavos "El kirotio Jekloa Nemmisis JEkklo Lavos!
Neko: Spell quote time.
Brandon (Daravon): Death Spines, Death Roar, Death Living Underground! Turn Ravos!
>Ryan's body turns into this mutant bumpy thing,
Snifit: The vivid descriptions of this fanfic make me feel like I'm really there!
Neko: At which point we quickly realize that we'd rather be somewhere else.
>then starts to grow fatter and fatter.
Brandon: KATE IS THE FATTEST.
Neko: It's fat planet-devouring aliens in party hats!
>Ryan: It's working Queen
Snifit: Ri~ight, like he'd know if it was working. It's not like he's been turned into Lavos before or anything. He could be turning into a giant hedgehog.
Neko: Well, if that did happen, they'd just use him as a balloon at the Millenial fair.
Brandon: Nah, that can't happen. Biggs and Wedge don't die in Chrono Trigger.
>Queen Zeal: Good very good
Snifit(Zeal): good very good now die crono die i will kill u now.
>Ryan's body is now covered by an enormous spike shell and a little head peeping out
Brandon: Insert 'BLOOORGnyeemynyeemynyeemynyeemooow' sound here.
>Queen Zeal: Ryan you are now the legendary beast Lavos and your set time will be 1999.
Neko: After all, we don't want all those doomsday-predicting tabloids to look dumb or anything.
>You will wipe out all civilzations=20
Snifit: What the . . . was that like setting Lavos' comand priorities or something?
Brandon: Distort space-time=25. Seek out material to produce Lavos Spawn=23. Direct power to Mammon machine=22. Wipe out all civilzations=20. Make fun of Crono's hair=12. Buy more donuts=8. Destroy Tokyo=3. Kill Bun-Bun=2. Aquire, color, and conceal easter eggs=1.
>there and in the other time zones
Neko: Go, go, go next zone!
>now good luck Ryan!
Snifit: TAKE OFF EVERY 'LAVOS'!
Brandon: MOVE 'LAVOS', FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
>Lavos: Ahhh My power is strong you may call me Lavos now muwahaha!!
Neko (Parodius Voice): I am strong!
Brandon (Badly Dubbed): ha-haha-hahaha! I-am-full-of-much-power-and-now-you-call-me-lavos! ha-hahaha-ha-hahahaha!
>Queen Zeal sends Lavos to 1999
Snifit: Time travel is a lot easier than it used to be.
>Ryan's Mom appears
Brandon: How'd she find the frickin' ocean palace?
Neko: This was the Ryan's Mom won't appear.
>Ryan's Mom: Valerie wheres Ryan
Snifit: I thought it was Susan?
>Queen Zeal: My name is Queen Zeal you stupid dork
Brandon: There's some really Queenly dialogue.
Neko: Technically, isn't Queen Zeal her Title, not her name. I mean, Zeal's the name of the Kingdom, right? I mean, the chancelor is called 'Chancelor' in the dialogue, but you don't really think that that's his name, do you?
>and Ryan is the legendary beast lavos now
>Ryan's Mom: YOU KILLED RYAN SO YOU COULD TURN HIM INTO LAVOS??? *cry* *cry*
Snifit (Zeal): yes i did kill ryan and make lavos yur so dum die ryan's mom die
>Queen Zeal slices Ryan's Mom throat
>Queen Zeal: there shes dead now
Brandon: Thank you, captain obvious. Who the fluff was she saying that to?
>The dusty Ocean Palace has a freak earthquake and Queen Zeal is forced to flea to
> the Black Omen for protection
Neko: The Black Omen is the Ocean Palace.
Brandon: Plot . . . contrived . . . must . . . control . . . fist of death . . .
>Queen Zeal: hahaha Lavos has gotten the world now!
Brandon (Dr. Wily): NOW WORLD IS MINE!
>Spekkio: and thats the whole story.
Snifit: Except for the parts that aren't dumb.
>In order to bring Lavos back to his real form you must kill Queen Zeal get her body lay it before Lavos. 2nd part is to get the Soul of Uther out of Lavos and slay it. 3rd part is to make Ryan's Good heart the dominant one
Neko (Spekkio): Or you could just screw all the plot contrivance stuff and kill the thing.
>Crono: I didn't know Lavos was a boy too
Snifit: O_O He spoke!
Brandon: O_O Oh my (pidgey)!
Neko: O_O This is a strange fanfic, indeed.
>Marle: poor Ryan
>Magus: even if he was a boy he still terrorizes this world and we must bring peace to it by slaying him
Brandon: Even though all the characters in this fic act dumb, Magus still manages to the the coolest character in the thing.
>Marle: Magus you really dont care about Ryan do you?
Neko: Neither does the audience.
Snifit: Yeah, let's just kill him and end the fanfic.
>Magus: Shut up Marle
Brandon: See, wha'd I tell you.
>Spekkio: YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING
Snifit: They fought for all of 2 or 3 lines. People sure get upset easy in this fic.
>Magus+Marle: Sorry Spekkio
>Spekkio: Now we must get a plan ready to free Ryan from the mutant heart
Neko: Nah, they're just going to jump in the bucket and kick his spoony.
>Crono: Yes we should but for right now lets all get some rest
Brandon: And end the fic.
Neko: Yes, please.
>Spekkio: Good idea