On a really distant island, Last Sunday B.C., There lived an esper named Skyler, Really different from you or me... He didn't have any work to do, Just another guy in a weird old suit He did a good job lying around the place But no-one really liked him so they shot him into spa-ace... We'll send him cheesy fanfics The worst we can find He'll have to sit and read them all While we're messing with his mind Now keep in mind, Skyler doesn't care when these fanfics begin or end, (la la la) Because he used his spare time To invite his esper friends ESPER ROLL CALL! OYNX! Iiiit's me! MIKOSI! *coughs* RAGNAROK! Hello. TERRAAAAATOOO! Hey-hey! So if you're wondering how he eats and sleeps And other useless facts (la la la) Repeat to yourself it's just an MST You should REALLY just relax... For Mystery Esper Theater 2000! *fancy guitar riff* -- Mikosi: Today, Skyler is taking a break, so he have with us Stussy, Oynx's best friend! Oynx: More like best scratching post... Stussy: Hey! >Title: "The Brothers of Viridian Forest" >Author: >Censor: PG Mikosi: Hee hee, not anymore! >Reviews: 5 >"The Brothers of Viridian Forest" Mikosi: Time for some ominous music? *turns on a stereo playing ominous music* >Humans, Pikachu decided, were bad liars. Mikosi: No we’re not!! *crossing fingers behind her back* Oynx: But y-- *Mikosi flattens him with a mallet* Mikosi: Pancakes, anyone? >"It tastes like fruit!" spiky haired boy Mikosi: You know, that is the 231st person to mention his spiky hair... >had said reassuringly. Pikachu remembered the berries he had Oynx and Stussy: BERRIES!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Mikosi: GROW UP, YOU LITTLE IMMATURE BRATWURST AND YOU...YOU...YOU!!! *smashes them both with a 16 ton weight* >eaten the other day, the delicious fruity taste and juice flowing across his >tongue. Mikosi: (good thing they're still flattened...) >So he'd >swallowed the medicine eagerly. >It tasted nothing like fruit. He spit it out all over spiky haired boy's >shirt. Stussy: Damn, those permanent stains are humiliating... Oynx: Super Glue always gets stains off! Mikosi: Doesn't Super Glue severely irritate skin? Oynx: Heh heh... in this case, it's okay... >"Well," Brock said, annoyed, wiping at his shirt with a napkin. "I tried." >"Pikachu, pleaaaase!" hat boy pleaded. Hat Boy Stussy: You mean if he left it on too long, he would be... Oynx and Stussy: ...Hat-Hair Boy!! Mikosi: *grins* Like you and your hat, Stussy?? *yanks off Stussy’s hat* Stussy: Ah... I... *quickly pulls it back on* Mikosi: (whispering to Oynx) Did you take the photo? Oynx: Yep! >was Pikachu's favorite. "You needa get better, you gotta!" >"Well, anyway, that was the last medicine in the bottle," Redhead said, >shaking the bottle upside >down. A drop came out and landed in the dirt. >"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ash howled. Stussy: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mikosi: You know, with that freaky ‘do, he probably is a werewolf! >"Pikachu gonna die! Pikachu gonna die!" Oynx: Unga bunga! >He knelt sobbing in front of the >Pokemon, who looked >at him with what woulda been the equivalent of a human arching his eyebrow. Mikosi: *arches eyebrow* Hmm? Stussy and Oynx: KWAHAHHAAAA! >Ash bundled the 'mon Oynx: (Jamaican) Yah mon! We be takin the little yellow 'mon into the cittaaayyy... >up in his jacket and took it to a nearby Pokemon Center. >Nurse Joy took a quick look at Pikachu's tongue. "Did you let him eat the >berries I was growing in >the backyard that were clearly labeled 'Poison Berries'?" she said, frowning. >"NO!" Ash said too quickly. "Wait. . .yes." Stussy: (chanting) Iiiidioooot... >Nurse Joy sighed. "Those are strictly decorative berries that are dangerous >if ingested! They look >pretty, but are toxic, much like poinsettia flowers." >"Yeah, just like Nurse Joy," Brock said, nodding. All: YOU'RE GONNA INGEST NURSE JOY?!? >"You're gonna ingest Nurse Joy?" Misty grumbled. All: Why can’t we be THIS right when it comes to doing homework?!? >"Yeah," Brock said. "No. I mean she's pretty, like a flower." >"I think it's pretty Stussy: Awww... Misty's a lesbian!?! *Mikosi slaps the dumbfounded Stussy* >stupid to grow poison berries out in the open," Misty said. >"Didn't you notice the barbed wire? The guard dogs? THE SIGN THAT SAID DO NOT >EAT >THESE THEY'RE POISON! Jesus! Stussy and Mikosi: What does HE have to do with this story? Oynx: Huh? >Keep a better handle on your 'mon!" Nurse Joy put a leash on Pikachu. >"PIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Pikachu said, remembering his first day with Ash >(Ash had >dragged him around on a clothesline). But he was too weak to summon up a >shock attack. Stussy: But he _could_ yell "PIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" >"Well, is there a cure, Joy?" Ash asked hopefully. "Just shoot 'im All: Whoo-hoo! >up, pronto." >Nurse Joy sighed. "There is no cure. I'm sorry. You should just make your >Pikachu as >comfortable as possible in the infirmary, and we'll see what to do with the >body--" Oynx: Bury him without a grave, remove him a year later, burn it, and put the ashes in landfill. >"NO!" Ash yelled loudly. "I'm nevah gonna give up d'fight!" Oynx: In another fanfic we MST'ed, we called Pikachu Rocky, and now it's Ash. >He put Pikachu >inside his jacket and >zipped it up. "As long as my heart beats against the breast Stussy and Oynx: HE SAID BREAST!!! Mikosi: *to readers* just a second... *stuffs a Voltorb in each of their mouths* Voltorb, use your SELFDESTRUCT attack! >of this 'mon, God help me, he'll live!" Stussy: I wish I could make a joke about Ash coming from the Bible, but the author is already going to. >"Yeah, sure," Nurse Joy said. "They were POISON berries." >Misty dragged Brock and Ash outside. >"If you were a better Pokemon trainer this wouldn't have happened!" Misty >lectured, as usual. >"And Brock, stop looking at women that way!" Stussy: ...down their shirts. >"Mmm," Brock said. >A shady-looking man in a trenchcoat walked up. >"It's Inspector Gadget! Oynx: We MST you, you don't MST yourself... >Surely this man will help us," Ash said, continuing >in his biblical Mikosi: What about a Torahticcal tone...? >tone. >"No, no," the man said. "I am a faith healer." He handed each of the trio a >prayer card. "I couldn't >help but overhearing your predicament. I was reminded of another disease I >had that seemingly >had no cure--" >"Auto Immune Deficieny Syndrome," Misty guessed. >"NO--" >"Veneral warts," Brock said. >"NO!" >"Herpes Simplex II," Ash said. Stussy: Heh heh... Pikachu's been a little "busy"... Mikosi: *raises a mallet* >"NO! It was something else. Anyway, I went to a sacred grotto in California. >There was an >amazing legend behind this spot--" >"What was it?" Misty asked. >"Well, I was about to tell it..." >~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~ Oynx: That HAS to be the weirdest ASCII face I've ever seen... >(Man narrating)"In California was a place called Viridian Dirtland. Oynx: Viridian is in CALIFORNIA!? >In the >1800's, a peasant girl >prayed there every day. Then a spring shot up outta the ground, a spring with >mystical, healing >powers." >(The young peasant girl kneels and then is blown into the air, never to be >seen again, by the >gushing spring with mystical healing powers.) Stussy: This Just In: A spring with magical healing powers kills a peasant girl! NEXT OCCULT FAN! >(Brock fantasizing)"Was she real pretty?" >(Man narrating)"NO! Oynx: Hey, that's a first for anime women... >Anyway, her HUSBAND, Hiram Viridian, was heartbroken--" Oynx: No, actually, he was joyful that his ugly wife was gone. >(Brock)"Aw." >(Her husband, cradling a young baby (the peasant's kid!), plants a baby >tree--a sapling. "From >now on, for every time a baby is born in my family line, a tree will be >planted in Viridian Dirtland >so that the person may live on forever, as a tree. Unlike my wife.") Oynx: Yes, his wife was not a tree. >(Pikachu)"Pikaaaa..." >(Ash)"What's with the tree thing?" Stussy: Ash hasn't hugged his daily tree... >(Man)"Symbolic, I guess. Anyway, after enough generations, there was a whole >forest and they >changed the name of the place to 'Viridian Forest'." >(Misty)"How. . .ecosystem conscious!" Mikosi: Hoo Hah! She’s a dendrophiliac!!! Oynx: What’s that? >(Ash)"Great! We just bring Pikachu there to the spring that shoots from it, >and he'll be good as >new!" >~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~ >Ash knelt reverently at the spring and chanted, like a mantra, "Oh please >help my sick Pikachu, >oh please help my sick Pikachu, oh please help my sick Pikachu. . ." Stussy: Oh please... period. >He >closed his eyes and put >Pikachu on the spring. >He got blasted into the air, and disappeared. "Chaaaaa. . ." *ping* Oynx: (Vegeta) What a MORON! Stussy: Why not *ding* or *ching*? >"Was that the ping of healing?" Ash said, looking up. >Brock and Misty's mouths were hanging open. "Uhhhh. . ." >"Hey, where's Pikachu?" Ash said, looking around. >The man with the trenchcoat (his name was Jeff) put his hand on Ash's >shoulder. "I forgot to tell >you earlier that the mysterious healing powers of the spring only work for >those of the Viridian >family line. Anyone else gets blasted into the air, never to be seen again." >"WHAT?" Ash barked. "That's a pretty dumb@$$ thing to forget!" All: Go Ash! >Brock rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "If the peasant woman was of the Viridian >line, how come she >was blasted into the air?" >"She was only Viridian by marriage," Jeff explained. "Now, I have something >to reveal to you. *I* >am a Viridian. Jeff Viridian. Come to my shack, All: *singing* The Love Shack is a little ol' place where... we can get together! Oynx: What say we go in the back and SHACK? >we'll eat." And so they did, after Jeff knelt to take a sip from the spring >(without being blasted into >oblivion). >"Show off," Misty said. >Jeff led them to his shack. He opened the door and introduced them to his >eleven brothers (each >of them identical). >"You three, meet Jordan, Billy, Jack, Jeff 2, Homer, Ron, Don, Matt Oynx: ...Inky, Blinky, Winky, and Dinky. Stussy: That's thirteen. Oynx: Shut UP... >. . .and >the others," Jeff said, >gesturing. He clapped his hands twice. (The lights turned on) "Jack, Matt? >Get these three a >meal. They have just suffered a great loss." Mikosi: Hey, I’d like a weight loss! Stussy: A GREAT loss, not a weight loss! >Jack and Matt got Ash and co. a meal. Ash picked at his food, sniffling. >"Cheer up, Ash," Misty said, patting his shoulder. >"Yeah," Brock added, munching on some steak. "Pikachu was gonna die anyway. >At least he >went out in style." Stussy: Heh heh... go Brock... Oynx: Munching on steak, he'd say: "Pikakou wad genne dah enehweh. Alee' hee weh wenou in sty." >He socked Ash in the shoulder. Stussy: Brock's on a roll! >"That's a terrible thing to say!" Ash growled. >"Sorry." >~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~ >The man, woman, and cat looked at the mystical spring. >"You got the bottles?" Jessie asked. >"Yep!" James said, ripping the "Arrowhead" label offa some empty water >bottles. >"Dis is gonna put us over da top," Meowth said. "Everyone's gonna wanna buy >summa dis 'Team >Rocket Healing Water'." >They approached the spring, bottles uncapped and ready to pilfer the >precious. . .water. >~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~ >After a night's sleep, Ash woke up and opened the box of Pokemon Cereal. Stussy: Made from 100% Pokemon! Mikosi: Eww! >Then >he >remembered. Pikachu was gone. He wasn't gonna eat PokeCereal no more. He >wasn't gonna get >the Pikachu Rolex Watch in the bottom, the special prize. Stussy: (singing) We're, all, i-diots! I ain't got no Rolexes here! >He needed a >matching set. Pikachu >(rest his little soul) already had the Pikachu Swatch Watch. . . Oynx: These are VERY important details. Were you too paying attention? Mikosi: *snores* Zzz... Huh? >Misty and Brock woke up to see Ash munching Poke Pellets Oynx: On the box, in big letters, it said, "FOR POKEMON ONLY. POISON FOR HUMANS, DO NOT INGEST." Mikosi: We all wish... >out of the cereal >box, the little Rolex >watch designed for the Pikachu's wrist around two of his fingers. All: BOO HOO, PIKAPET IS GONE! >"I think your other Pokemon might need some attention, too," Misty said. >"Yes, but I'm in mourning," Ash said, sighing. He laughed a little. "Remember >the time Pikachu >ate the poison berries Nurse Joy was growing? . . .no, that's not funny." He >started sobbing. Mikosi: Now that was just pathetic! >Suddenly all twelve Viridian Brothers sat upright in their sleeping bags. >"SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT!" they all sang in unison. Then they ran around >frantically >bumping into each other. *Stussy sings the idiot song again* >"Woah woah woah!" Brock said, holding up his hands. "What's not right?" >"So so so nervous," Jeff said, smoothing down his arm hair. "You see my arm >hair?" Mikosi: Rolaids, anyone? >"Who could miss it?" Ash sighed. "Your arm is da hairiest." Stussy: My arm be da HELLUVA hairiest, foo'! >"Well my arm hair only stands up when--there's TROUBLE AT THE VIRIDIAN FAMILY >SPRING!" >"WHAT?" the other eleven brothers shrieked. They all barrelled Stussy: You mean, like monkeys?? Mikosi: *cough* >out the door. >~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~ >What they saw was Team Rocket, their empty bottles clutched in their hands. >The effeminate >man, the tomboy woman, and the gold coin cat. . . >"She. . .she protected the spring from the robbers," Jordan said, smiling. >. . .crushed underneath a skeleton wearing the clothes of a peasant woman. Skyler: THAT... IS... SO... STUPID... ARRGGHH!!! >"It's the Viridian Mother!" the other brothers cheered. "Hip hip >hooorayyyyyyyy!" *Oynx sings the idiot song for Stussy* >"Creepy!" Misty said, shivering. >"She finally fell back down after all these years. . .," Brock said. "That IS >disturbing." >Ash sniffled. "At least Team Rocket finally got their comeuppance." >All 15 people stared reverently at the spring, which was undisturbed, >splashing upwards in all its >pure blue . . .greatness. >"It will continue to protect us Viridians forevah and ever. . .," Jeff said. Stussy: It be protecting ma' hood fo' evah, suh! >Ron ran up. "Look what I found! Look! Look! It was caught in MATT'S bear >trap!" >"MATT! I told you to stop catching the Viridian Animals!" Jeff scolded. >"Whoops," Matt said. >"It's. . .a Raichu!" Ash said, recognizing Pikachu's evolved form anywhere. Oynx: A DEAD Raichu, of course... Stussy: Caught in a bear trap, for sure... >"Reminds me of >Pikachu. . ." He sighed. >"Let's keep it! Let's keep it! Let's keep it!" Homer chanted. >"No, no," Jeff said. "It was my fault that Ash here lost his Pikachu. So now >I think it's only right to >give him this Raichu." >"Rai?" the Raichu said, looking up at Ash. >"Well. . ." Ash said. "Nobody can ever replace Pikachu, my first Pokemon. >But. . .I do need >another electric Pokemon. Welcome to the team, Raichu! Hop on!" >Raichu hopped on Ash's hat. Ash toppled over and his face got smushed Mikosi: Hoo Hah! Smushed, why not crashed? Why not splatted?? >in the ground. "Mrffffffff. . ." he mumbled. >Brock laughed heartily. "Ha ha ha! Pikachu's evolved form is much bigger!" Stussy: Ha ha ha! Very observant there, Mr. Smartypants! >The Viridian Brothers laughed heartily as well. Stussy: Im assuming all the hearty people have been eating their Chunky Chicken Soup. >Misty was staring upwards, where the spring sparkled up in the sun. "Does >that mean. . .?" >"Mean what, Misty?" Ash said, getting up. >~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~ Stussy: So, what does it mean? Oynx: I can't go into critical thinking after reading this garbage! My brain's turned off! >109 years later. . . Mikosi: Why not 231??? Stussy: C’mon, its the math, she was shot up in 1800, and she came back down in 1999. Oynx: Wouldn't that be 199, then? >The Viridian Triplets Jay, Kay, and Ray prayed reverently at the spring. >Ray was suddenly crushed by the bones of an animal with a thunderbolt tail. Stussy: Poor Ray... serves him right because his ancestors were so stupid... Mikosi: Waitaminute, you mean pikapet doesn’t come back to life?!? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! -- Mystery Esper Theater 2000 is quickly and shamefully made by JeffreyATW (jeffreyatw@portalofevil.com) and Mikosi (flare0ngrl@aol.com) Flame us as much as you want... we'll just send you an MST of your flame back! >As long as my heart beats against the breast of this 'mon, God help me, he'll live!