WHAZZAAAP!

Welcome to Rowdey's Random Rantz, the only column written by a fun lovin' 14 year old kid who wants to have fun. In case you don't remember me (or if you could, couldn't decipher past my incredibly different nickname), I'm James Gowdey. I recently wrote a review on Super Firepro Wrestling X Premium that actually got a decent response, and now, thanks to Josh Haggard, am writing my FIRST COLUMN~!, no less. Josh got me thinking about writing one, and, unlike most things that I think about, that actually amounted to something!

To finish the shameless sucking up--hope this doesn't turn into Jim Ross's BJ of the Week section--he's got himself a H311U\/4 cool site, too, The Land of Digability. It's filled with rants, rants, rants, laughs, laughs, laughs, and, uh, fun, fun, fun (hey, YOU try to think of a third one to fill in there). Oh, and his previous editions of The Motherf***ing Burning Hammer, too. Check it out now, ya funksoul brotha'.

All right. Being my first column and all, I don't have much of a gimmick for it, unlike Good, Bad, and Ugly ("Thoughts On a Show From the State of Mind of An Average Fan Who Watches It"), In Quotes ("Discussion of Current Wrestling Events Based on Quotes From Guys on the Shows/On the Net"), or Up Close and Personal ("CANADIAN SEDUCTION!"). Nope. All I can think of so far is putting up a bunch of random stuff and opinions. And maybe a little EXTRANEOUS BULLSHIT like Dartmouth Dan Doomsday, only near the end. I guess it's Rebecca's Rants/Sharon's Edge - 6|R|_Y-ness + *'s + DD's EBS - Christian and the Rock. Or maybe I should just take away the asterisks and make it another generic rant column. I dunno. You tell me, one of you...4 people reading this.

Anywho...whooo...where do I start?

The WWF moves to TNN? Holy crap! I couldn't believe this when I first heard it, but then remembered I was on a highly respected wrestling news site, and then began to weep openly...Okay, maybe I didn't weep, but I'm pretty upset about the whole thing anyway. The WWF...just...BELONGS on the USA network, doesn't it? RAW shouldn't have to be moved to the NASHVILLE NETWORK--at least Smackdown! got put on UPN, a slightly better station, but TNN? Come ON! It might save the network, sure, but it just doesn't belong right next to 18 Wheels of Frickin' Justice, for Foley's sakes (seems like ev-v-v-very body's stealin' that catchphrase these days :).

The only (and when I say only, I usually mean only) good thing to come of this is the ability to say "Only two more hours until...RRRRRRROLLER JAAAAAMM!!!", but that's not much.

And...ECW gone? Holy double crap! I guess TNN just wasn't the right way to go. At least we got to see some great action, though...*sniff*...I'd go more into this, but the fact that I skip through most of the technical/political/whatever stuff in MiCasa or Online Onslaught docks me a few knowledge points about the whole situation. ARRR

Next, we get to some actual wrestling stuff, as I'd like to talk about a couple guys who nobody really seems to like, except me. Prince Albert and Bull Buchanan.

Bull made third on the Worst Wrestlers of the Week poll on That Other Site, and nearly everybody hated his push for King of the Ring and those couple Smackdown!s where he "feuded" with Taker. And Albert, while he wasn't voted by himself into the Worst Wrestlers of the Week poll, is still disliked by the smarts for his hairy-ness, constant yelling, and inability to lock on a simple Fujiwara Figure Seven Triangle Cross-Face.

So why do I like these two guys?

Well, in Bull's case, it's because I always wanna give the relatively new guys a chance. Maybe it's because I think the WWF needs more talent, or because new talent always adds something to the roster (well, duh), or maybe just because I'm sick of seeing the same faces on RAW and Smackdown!, pulling off the same tired moves and spots we see every week (something ECW actually has going for it). Whatever the reason, I've always got a soft spot for new guys (oh, my thtarth...)

For example, I marked out when Test interfered and hit the Meltdown for the first time on HHH on...um...somewhere in '98 (is that right?). As his character kept going, I watched it improve from playing a minor role in the Corporation to a major part in the Wedding angle, which, I admit, wasn't that great, but paved the way for what you see in the main storylines today.

Anyway, Bull Buchanan is another one of those new guys who I cheer on to get TV time, improve, and break away from the character he originally started out as. Will he get involved in some good storylines? Turn face? Get a new tag partner? Or will he become the next Bossman/Midaiouen, a guy that EVERYBODY including me hates, then eventually die out of the WWF after a little while due to lack of popularity? I'm hoping the latter doesn't happen, since he does have some nice agility for a guy his size. For me, it'll be interesting to see where this goes...for everyone else, well...um...it won't.

As for Prince Albert, I just think he's cool for having the ability to destroy guys with his power moves and set up a good face-in-peril situation. Plus, he's gotten to be a cooler looking badass with some big moves (including the Choke Bomb, a move that I always mark out for due to the fact that it was my e-wrestler's finisher, and I'd never seen it used up to that one fateful night on HeAT when Albert used) , an equally tough tag partner, and a hot valet. Not bad for a guy who used to get chants of "Shave your back!" and tried to put piercings in people. I also thought his interview on HeAT where he took Lillian Garcia's spot and played the interviewer was legitimatly funny stuff. Alex Beckers said it best this week with "More mike time for Albert!", therefore making him the GREATEST MAN ALIVE~!

Moving on...

As everybody knows, the WWF supposedly banned the DDT and the Piledriver. Now, after seeing all the DDTs on WWF TV, it's become pretty obvious that it's just Piledrivers that are banned now. Which can only mean one thing.

No Tombstone for the Taker.

GOOD GOD! NOOO!!!

This is one of the stupidest things ever in the history of the WWF! </Schiavone> If what I think is about to happen, then the WWF will have taken away the very move from the guy who gave it its name. You see how Michael Schiavone sold all the WWF sheep fans on how DEVASTATING a Powerbomb from the Taker was last Smackdown? They're actually trying to get the Powerbomb over as his finisher, making it another finisher that's used in so many matches today as a normal move...ugh. The Tombstone was his trademark move! Give him the Tombstone! Just because he screwed it up on HHH and temporarily paralyzed him at Judgement Day, and Owen paralyzed Austin with a piledriver, and plenty of backyard feds banned the piledriver for being too dangerous DOESN'T MEAN......

...

Um, I may have talked myself into a corner here. Damn.

All right, maybe it is a good idea to do this, since the Undertaker's too deteriorated anyway, but really, when you take away a guy's famous move, that's lower than Mae Young's droopy bloodhounds.

In other news...I saw a couple movies the other day, which is two more than I see usually every week: Project A and The Perfect Storm. Perfect Storm was something I walked into the theater thinking "Wait a sec...I know next to NOTHING about this movie!", a frame of mind that a moviegoer does NOT want to be in...but it actually turned out to be okay. The long storm sequence at the end was incredibly realistic, and I gotta hand it to the guys back at the studio for their great job on the effects.

And Project A, in case you haven't heard of it, is another directly-to-video Jackie Chan movie, and has the best fight scenes and craziest bumps of ALL the movies I've ever seen him in (save the spectacular one in First Strike which had him doing the jaw-dropping ladder spots at the end). Being made in Japan, the stunts were crazier 'n cooler than anything I saw in Rush Hour and Shanghai Noon, including a free fall from a frickin' CLOCK TOWER, with the only protection being two overhead cloth drapings, a bunch of furniture-breaking spots *cue the Dudleyz music!*, and the first-ever bicycle chase scene. It fell a little flat near the end, though, with a case of not-enough-action-and-too-much-badly-dubbed-acting, and the ending was a little abrupt, but other than that, it was one of the most fun Chan movies I've seen. (then again, I saw it at 2 AM at a friend's house, but that's beside the point)

Question of the Week: Are there any other good online radio shows out there? We've got The Verbal Crossface, The Edge, and Rantsylvania Radio...but is there anything else? I LOVE these things...

Time to hand out the Brownie Points, another little feature that I just thought up. If you get one, send it back to me with your name to get a cool prize! Yaay! :D :D :D

Okay...one for Josh Haggard, who gave me the idea to start a column: *

And one for Alex Beckers, for saying "More mike time for Albert!" in his great HeAT recap, not only making him the GREATEST MAN ALIVE~!, but also getting him: *

And there you have it. Hopefully, unlike a certain animation I worked on for weeks, only to get NO response for, this little labor o' something will generate some e-mails. Then again, I'm still waiting for Hell to freeze over, so maybe not...Anyway, this column wasn't as hard as I thought, and definetely more fun than piecing together some crappy animation for nothing. Until next time, this is Jimbo Rowdey, saying...

--Jimbo Rowdey
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