WCW Saturday Night (note: I missed about 15 minutes of the beginning. Please don't sue.) Boba Blaze vs. Hugh Morris (with Jimmy Harter) The announcers mention that Morris is sick and tired of the cruiserweights getting a push three days a week, and he's out to get all of them. He probably just wants some more wins, but hey, it worked for Goldberg, didn't it? Boba starts out with kick, kick, kick, arm wrench...and a big kick. Kick, kick, lotsa kicks (yawn), kick...and Jimmy distracts Boba. Boba runs after and relieves him of his coat, then pushes Hugh into the corner. Lotsa shoulder rams...whip into the opposite buckle, Morris sits on top, and hitsa top rope clothesline. Elbow drop, elbow drop. Announcers start panicking at the sight of another elbow drop, so Hugh makes it a leg drop instead. Punch, choke on rope. Hart chokes Boba now because he wrecked his jacket. Hugh picks up both of Boba's legs...YES! Sharpshooter!! HE'S GONNA PAY TRIBUTE TO OWEN H--ah, it's just a stomp to the stomach. Another stomp. Whip into the buckle, HOOOOO TRAIN splash (well, I like to call it that). Repeat. Repeat. Boba runs outta gas and flops on the mat. Hugh to the top...No Laughing Matter! Cover 1, 2, 3, and Mr. Morris is your winner. Zuh? Hugh's going to the top, and...No Laughing Matter. Not again! That's the second time today (I love inside jokes from my website)! For a second, I thought there'd be a Boba/Morris angle, but nooo, he's gotta have a grudge against ALL jobbers. 10 punch ground countalong, elbowdrop (the announcers don't panic this time), and a blatant choke. Hugh's your winner (har, har), and in my opinion, that was an okay squash. In other words, it wasn't good. We cut to a commercial to see... Some Annoying Kid, who talks during the movie and tells everybody about 10-10-220, yet another phone number that saves money. The Greyhound ad has the number 231 in it! I gotta try that someday! Back to the show (since those were the only interesting commercials). We look at riveting stills of Hogan coming out and saying how he'll say something vewwy special when he's not hurt. Then Nash Bridges gets up and makes it clear that he'll fight Macho Slim Jim at the Great American Bash. The hose come out, and have a catfight with Nash, then Macho Slim Jim walks in, clobbers Nash with the belt, and gives Nash a makeover. I say that Bridges will win at GAB, since Nash rhymes with Bash. More commercials? What is this, Nitro? Wait, it's even worse.. An ad for the new "Who's Next?" and "Feel the Bang!" videos. My, what clever names... SUUUUUURGE! commercial shows you how to be a playa'. GEORGE FOREMAN, of all people, advertises Meineke. Sounds Native American... More stills (this is my FAVORITE part of the show!) show us Ric Flair and Roody Poo Piper talking things out by brawling. Flair comes out on top with help from Bam Bam and DDP. Later, Benoit and Dean (YES!) Malenko side with Roody to take on RF, BBB, and DDP. The Flock and Hogan interfere, because it's almost impossible to find a clean finish to the main event these days. All said, we take you to Lash Magoo vs. Rey Misty--Finalement, un autre match! Rey drops the cross attached to his necklace on the way down--you call him a professional?! Anyways, we start off with a tie-up. Magoo with an arm wrench, and the announcers start talking about the next generation cruiserweights. Scott Hudson says that Lenny Lane is one of them. Give me a break, guys. Ah, I know. The match. We've just witnessed an arm wrench followed by a couple reversals, and a tiny headscissors by Magoo. Whee. Actually, "WOOOOEEEE!!", according to Lash. Shoulderblock, Lash picks up Misty, buncha complicated stuff that's too hard to recap, and it ends up in a neat lookin' armdrag by Misty. Rey with a "variation of the drop toehold", but it looks exactly the same as all the others. Lightning fast legdrop to the back of the neck by Misty, and now he's yelling something that makes the crowd pop. Sounded like "YOU SUCK!" to me. Anyways, here're some more reversals, ending up in a whip into the buckle. Magoo jumps up over the top rope, causing Rey to smash into the buckle. Magoo with a neat lookin' slingshot Rana from outside the ring. "WOOOOEEEE!!", and a driving elbow smash that misses. Rey from the apron...Thesz press! Magoo gets back into the ring, and eats a baseball slide. Good thing Rey's wearing overalls, or he'd get some major ring burn there. Whip reversal by Lash, kick, punch, punch, eyepoke, breakdance, and a clothesline combo which was stolen straight from the Road Dogg. Another "WOOOOEEEE!!" from Magoo. He makes the gesture for "That belt's MINE!", yeah right. Is anybody in the building thinking that Rey's actually going to lose on WCW Saturday Night? Cool lookin' Northern Lights Suplex into a powerslam by Magoo. 1, 2, nope. Lash with the choke with the knee to the throat (hey, that sounded like something from PaRappa the Rapper). Forearm, stomp, "Rey! Rey! Rey!" chant fires up, which causes Magoo to "WOOOOEEEE!!". That's getting REALLY annoying. Magoo punches, Misty with a kick, punch (it's all in the mind), punch, whip, reversal, duck, and a HUGE clothesline by Magoo. "WOOOOEEEE!!" AGAIN. Sigh. 1, 2, nope. Rest hold by Magoo, and off course, Misty elbows his way out. Wait, Lash whips him into the buckle. Uh, why'd Hudson just say "The top turnbuckle"? What, is he going to hit the bottom one or something? Misty isn't THAT small...Anyways, for your enjoyment, here's a "WOOOOEEEE!!". Field goal...stomp? Yeah. Choke, stomp, stomp, stomp, boot choke. Whip, Rey slides under and hits...a Rana! Cool looking spinning Tigerbomb by Magoo gets 2. Magoo goes for another powerbomb, but Rey kicks out with, well, a drop kick. Lash in the corner now, and there's the Bronco Buster by Rey--that's copyright infringement! Now Rey puts Magoo up top...but is promptly punched off. Magoo still up top, and Rey hits the ropes, causing Magoo to land on his Kumberbuzzle. NOW there's the top rope Rana! 1, 2, 3, music. Replays are the Neat Lookin' Armdrag, the Rana, and the Top Rope Rana. Pretty good match, but the "WOOOOEEEE!!"s nearly killed it. Enough is enough, and it's time for a commercial break... Gotta love those 3dfx commercials! This one had me (and my parents) fooled from the start at the environmental "Save the Planet" approach. I wish I had one of those chips. *%@#n 486... *grumblegrumblekickyouintheNUTSgrumble* Promotional consideration paid for by WCWSmashnslambrawlers, (These are) David Sunflower Seeds, Croissant Pockets (those aren't croissants!), Super Soaker Contant Pressure (231989XXP TURBO CHARGED!) guns, and Miracle Whip (I'm Mr. Miracle Whip, the miraclest guy in town...). Riveting stills show us the Curt Hennig/Konnan feud. We all know Konnan's gonna win, not only because he's a face, but because more fans like rap than country music. We're "treated" to video clips of "the new marriage between WCW and Tommy Boy records"! Lets see if they can make their entrance music even worse! Curt Hennig vs. D'oh That Was the Whole Segment. This just in: Crispy M&Ms are all PARANOID! Whoohoo! Aww, I wish MY Lego people chased after my Juicy Fruit gum... MAIN "EVENT": Curt Hennig vs. Konnan the Barbarian (w/ Miracle Whip)--I bet none of you understood that last name, but oh well...Man, Misty and Konnan's music sound EXACTLY the same. We start this off with a good old fashioned tie up. Arm wringer by Curt, struggling by both, chicken wing (I think) by Curt. Another tie up, arm wringer by Konnan. Snap, snap, eye poke by Hennig, forearm. Field goal kick, extra point attempt (it's no good!), and here we go with a stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp...stomp! Ginzu chop in corner, and a weak lookin' whip to the opposite buckle which Konnan sells like he's been whacked in the back by a 2x4. Hennig, uh, uses the bottom rope for leverage to stomp on Konnan, but doesn't exactly DO anything. Oops. Stomp, stomp, backbreaker, and I'm beginning to feel like I'm in the 80s. Stomp, whip, Konnan dodges a clothesline, and pulls off a bulldog to remind us that we ARE in 1999. 10 Punch Countalong by Konnan is REALLY annoying when he counts along too (not to mention the last part where he screams gibberish at his opponent). Kick, kick, punch, arm wringer, and Curt escapes with a...slap?! Of course, Konnan sells it even worse than the turnbuckle whip, which makes me laugh out loud. Spum, he's even rolling around on the floor. O-kaaaayy...Curt with a stomp, necklace choke (Konnan's necklace, BTW), rope choke, and a necklace AND rope choke! Gaaaaaggghhh. Forearm to throat, another, another necklace choke (sigh). Back inside the ring, Curt removes one strap of his spandex *holds mouth* just to remind us how old he is or something. Stomp, stomp (that's his BEST move, folks!), rear chinlock rest hold. Konnan elbows his way out off course, but is met by a clothesline. Stomp by Hennig, Ginzu chop in corner, punch, stomp, choke on rope. Didn't we just do this? Hennig does a little backwards somersault for no reason, then acts all proud. Yeah, he'll be the next high-flyer, just you wait. Headscissors knee twist (YOU try to recap that move!), kick, but Konnan does a somersault and clotheslines Curt. Punch, punch, and now we're outside the ring in a good old WWF brawl. Referee calls for the bell after about .2 seconds for some reason. Okay, maybe a little longer, but it's still a pretty lame ending. Not a good match at all. Hey, did Konnan's shirt say "Furby" on it earlier? Good afternoon. --James Gowdey serpent231@yahoo.com http://come.to/serpent231