HHH HHH IIIII CCCCCC KKKK KKKK HHH HHH IIIII CCCCCCCC KKKK KKKK HHH HHH III CCC CCC KKK KKK HHHHHHHHH III CCC CCC KKK KKK HHHHHHHHH III CCC KKKKKKK HHH HHH III CCC CCC KKKKKKKK HHH HHH III CCC CCC KKK KKK HHH HHH IIIII CCCCCCCC KKKK KKKK HHH HHH IIIII CCCCCC KKKK KKKK A MODERN LOOK AT THE TRASH OF OUR COUNTRY (C) 1998 BENIX BenGrande@yahoo.com Table o' Contents (1) What's New (2) Frequently Asked Questions (3) Walkthrough 1. Morning 2. Inbretia 3. Iowansas (4) Weapons/Armor (5) Items List (6) Credits ---------- What's New ---------- Version .8 Nov. 10th '98 -Part three: Iowansas added to walkthrough -Updated Lists Version .7 Oct. 4th '98 -Part two's walkthrough -Updated Lists Version .5 Sept. 20th '98 -Frequently Asked Questions added -First part of Walkthrough - Armor, Item, and Weapon list started -------------------------- FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS -------------------------- Q.) Won't hicks find this offensive? A.) Most hicks don't even know they are hicks, so probably not. Besides, the hero is a hick, so it should be inspirational ;) Q.) Why are you writing and FAQ on a game that doesn't exist? A.) For fun. Q.) Can I have a dollar? A.) No. Q.) Boxers, or briefs? A.) Depends... ----------- Walkthrough ----------- Part 1: Morning Before you start the game, go to options and go ahead and modify the settings. Then, go to the title screen and select New Game. The intro FMV is probably the second most impressive sequence in the whole game(the best being the ending). It shows an overhead view of the entire Honest Larry's Trailer Court. The camera then moves around, giving you a closer look at the grimy streets and eventually reaches our hero's trailer. Jimbob blinks, then gets out of bed. You now have control over Jimbob. CHECK the dead beaver next to the closet for a Moldy Mayonaisse Samwich. This will restore 50 HP. Next, head down the(very narrow) hall and into the kitchen. Here you will see Jimbob's 47 brothers and sisters crawling around or being held in his mother's lap. Walk on over and TALK to Jimbob's mom. She'll have a request. MOM: Howdy there lil' Johnny! JIMBOB: Um... ain't I Jimbob? MOM: Well paint me red and stick a poodle up me nose! You is Jimbob! (Jimbob looks relieved) Jimbob, I gots a favor to ask of yuh. JIMBOB: Yessum? MOM: Well, I was looking through the neighbors garbage, and I found these! Diaper cowpons! JIMBOB: Isn't they coupons? MOM: Maybe so, but you gots to do this here favor for me. Head down to the...um... the store! And uh, get me 100 bags of diapers for the lil uns. She hands you the coupons, and they are in your KEY ITEMS section of the menu screen(triangle). You little sister, Janebob tells you to check the toolshed for some weapons. If Jimbob were a normal person, he would wonder why he would need weapons for a trip to the grocery store, but that is not the case. Go to the living room, then leave the trailer from the door. You should see the shed to the north of the trailer. Head on up, and try to open the door. Unfortunately, the doors been rusted shut for years. Fortunately, you are persistent. Head to the east, until you get to the neighbors yard. You should see a shed similar to yours, but a little less rusty. The door opens right up. Walk inside(duh). CHECK the barrel for the Rusty Rake, and the cabinet for the Ragged Overalls. Be sure to equip, then exit. Standing right in front of you is your neighbor, Danny-O. He asks what the heck you're doing in his shed. After you just kind of stare at him for a while, processing his question, you answer:" I dunno. Heeyuck!" That wasn't the answer Danny-O was looking for, and so begins the first fight of the game! Danny-O has two main attacks: Hockaloogy and Stomp. Stomp is just a basic physical attack, but you might want to watch out for Hockaloogy. Don't let him use you as a spitoon too much, or you'll lose the easiest fight of the game. Just keep raking him, but if he Hockaloogys you to near death, eat the Moldy Mayonaisse Samwich. He'll fall after a while, and you can head on your way. Now you get to hit the road. The grocery store is a few blocks away, to the north. The path is pretty straight forward. There are signs on the way, but it takes Jimbob a few minutes to decipher them, as his reading skills aren't really anything to be proud of. Along the way, you will encounter random battles. These are the weakest enemies in the game. Rabid Mutts are always Confused, so they often end up killing each other or themselves. The same goes for the Inbred Tots. Since this game is about the white trash on the underside of Ummerica's shoes, you'll probably notice a lot of inbreeding related stuff. Anyway, just head north until you reach a traffic jam. There are cars lined up bumper-to-bumper for miles upon miles. There's no way you can get to the grocery store now, unless... JIMBOB: There's no way I can get to the grocery store now, unless... Wait a sec! I know! Umm, I was watchin on the uh, tele...vizjun set and that there guy was like needin to get by this car line or whatever so he ate some of that candy stuff an he went in the car and then he got out on the other side. A-hyuck! I need some of that candy. In case you didn't figure it out, Jimbob's referring to the Mentos commercial. You now have to CHECK the trash cans located around the neighborhood. The Mentos are in a different can in every game, so just check for yourself. Trash cans are usually found on a trailers side or near it shed. After finding some, Jimbob says: JIMBOB: Now I gots to find one of them there fancy cars! Just walk down the row of cars until you find a fancy black car. CHECK the door and Jimbob will open it. He heads inside. You now see Jimbob trying to scoot to the other side of the car. The man driving looks back at you. Jimbob smiles, then takes a Mentos. The Mentos is covered with various gooey crap and slime from the trash can. Jimbob pops it in his mouth, turns green, and proceeds to vomit all over the man's car. The man pulls out his cell phone and dials to the police, and soon they arrive, taking Jimbob to jail. The ride is short, and soon Jimbob finds himself sitting on a bench in a small cell. Fortunately for Jimbob, the cops conveniently forgot to take his weapons and "armor." CHECK the bench and it will let you rest. You can TALK to your cellmate, but all he does is ask you out. After Jimbob says no, you have to fight him. This can be really annoying, cause if you die, you have to start back at your last save. Basically, all you really need to do is use the FIGHT command. If you've learned the Up Chuck spell, you should use that until he's defeated. Be sure the fight doesn't go on for too long, or he'll start to make passes at you. This lowers your FIGHT down to 2 points, but your defense increases 2 points. This probably won't happen if you keep piling the damage onto him. After winning the battle, you get a better pair of overalls, the Patched Overalls. Of course, you can skip the fight by not talking to him, but the armor's pretty powerful. If you did beat him, he'll apologize and let you save, but only after reminding you that his offer still stands. Save your game and take a rest on the bench. CHECK behind the toilet in the upper right hand corner for a Moldy Doughnut. This will come in handy in the next battle. When you're ready to move on, go to the gate. The guard will come up and tell you to shut up. GUARD: Shut up! JIMBOB: I demand to be released from this here cell! GUARD: Are you getting hostile with me? JIMBOB: Umm... could you run that by me again? GUARD: OK, I've had enough. CHIEF! The Chief of Police waddles over, stopping only to pull his pants up after slipping off of his gut. He asks what the problem is, and after the guard informs him, the battle begins. First off, you should kill the guard. He has lower hit points, and it's good to get him out of the way. Save you MP for the Chief. When he's gone, go to ITEMS and select Moldy Doughnut. The cursor will be on you now. Move it over to Chief and use it on him. This will neutralize him for 5 rounds. If you saved your MP like I told you to, you should be able to cast Up Chuck and kill him before he hits back. After you defeat him, a bunch of officers will chase you. Run out of the building. They follow close behind, and you are forced to run down the street. Even if you walk up to them and TALK they still don't catch you. This is kind of like the scene in Chrono Trigger after the trial. You just keep walking left and eventually, a car will drive by. Using your excellent reflexes borne from generations of inbreeding, you dodge the car. Unfortunately for the cops, they lack your reflexes.(actually, Jimbob just kind of stumbles out of the way, but anyways...) Jimbob realizes it would be a good idea to leave town for a while. You automatically walk off the screen to the left. You are now on the World Map! Right next to you is a smaller version of your hometown, but you can't go in. If you try, Jimbob will say, " I gonna be goin ta jail if I don't mosey!" and leaves automatically. In the lower left of the world map screen is a smaller map that shows you where a location is. A white dot is a town, a red dot is a cave, a blue dot is miscellaneous, and the plaid dot is you. You should be able to see a white dot in the lower left corner of the minimap. Head there, and on the World Map you should see a small town. Touch it to enter the town of Inbretia. Part 2: Inbretia As soon as you walk in, Jimbob stops to think about why he left his house in the first place. JIMBOB: Uhnn... I gots to like. I has to. Umm... git sum diapers? He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the coupons. He shoves them back in, telling himself to find a grocery store. Inbretia is a real small town, with a couple houses, a hardware store(for buying weapons) and a grocery store. The rest is farmland. Explore towns, especially the drawers and shelves in the houses. You'll find some Watered Down Whiskey (it says WtrdDwnWsky). This restores 50 MP. You'll also find a couple Moldy Mayonaisse Samwiches. After you're finished looting the houses (the people inside don't seem to mind...), head on over to the Bakers' Supermarket. You can talk to the customers, but they seem to be preoccupied with there children/nephews. You have to actually go get the diapers, and bring them to the counter, like in The Legend of Zelda:Link's Awakening. Jimbob can take two at a time, so he has to make 50 trips(his mom told him to get 100 bags.) However, this can be avoided if you get the shopping cart. There's only one cart left, and someone else wants it. You have to fight the Disgruntled Granny (they could have just rapped for it, but what do I know?). By now Jimbob should have learned the A-HEEYUCK! spell, which destroys barriers. Use it one Disgruntled Granny's walker, which is shielding her from attack. This is probably the only time in the game this spell will be useful, but that's to be expected? The Disgruntled Granny doesn't attack, so just lay the damage on her. Halfway through, she says "OK, you can have it!" but Jimbob continues to beat her up. Just the savage nature of a hick, but he does get the shopping cart! Take it to the diaper section of the store, then head on up to the counter. JIMBOB: Here's a hundrit diapers. ZITTY STEVE: That'll be $1,000,000. JIMBOB:(pauses). Ummm, I gots coupons for 10% off. ZITTY STEVE: Then that'll be $900,000. JIMBOB:(pauses) Ummm. I ain't got none of that much. Jimbob is promptly thrown out of the store, being told to return with $900,000. With this new task set in front of him, Jimbob decides it's high time he gits himself a job. Head on over to the labor union (the small building in the northeastern most part of town. Talk to the receptionist and she'll offer you a job mining mayonaisse from the Mayo Caves. G'head on up to the caves, which are in the mountains east of Inbretia. Talk to the fat guy with the black shirt and yellow hat. He'll explain what they're doing, mining mayonaisse. This takes a while, because every time a female of some sort of species walks by, he stops and whistles. Head on into the mine, and, you guessed it, it's bonus game time! Pick up the arm extension unit next to the mine cart, then hop on in. See the glass jars sticking out of the walls? Well, you have to reach out your arm extendor to grab them(direction plus the X button) before the mine cart is too far off. Pay close attention, because you only get $.15 per jar! This means you have to collect 6,000,000 jars(probably why this game isn't too popular...). After a couple of hours, you should have the jars. Take them, 2 jars at a time(sigh) to the guy who runs the Mayonaisse Operation, Banjo the bear. He offers you the 10 cents a jar, and Jimbob freaks out. JIMBOB: But you says earlier to that I would get some 15 cents a jar and now you is tryin' to swindle me! BANJO: Ah-yuk! Ah ah ah hyuck!(in letter box) I said that I would give you 10 cents! JIMBOB: Golly gosh darn it! I'm tired of this crud! You best pay me! BANJO: Ah-yuk! Ah-yuk ah yuk aheeyuk!(in letter box) Is you tryin' to start sumpin'? Banjo is a pretty simple boss, because he is so slow. Just keep attacking, and heal when he uses his Summon Spell, Kazooie. The spell takes off a third of your life, but you get an extra turn every battle as a result of Banjo's slowness. When Banjo has had enough, he keels over and passes out. You automatically get the $900,000, but if you CHECK his body you get a Plastic Rake, a very powerful weapon. Take the money to the Baker's Supermarket, and go get the bags of diapers. You can use a shopping cart without fighting the old lady. After Zitty Steve rings up all the stuff with the discount, you hand him the coupon. ZITTY STEVE: Umm... this here coupon is fer' the No Frills Supermarket. This is the Baker's Supermarket! Get the H-E double hockey sticks out of this store! JIMBOB: #@$()#&!!! Yup, the whole quest of Inbretia was for nothing. You can go to the Mayo Mine to make some extra money, but for some reason, even if you get the $1,000,000 it costs for the diapers without the coupon, you still can't get them. If you make enough money in one trip though, you can win a Voodoo Doll, which automatically brings you back to life if you die. Anyways, leave Inbretia and keep on going south. Eventually you should see another small white dot to the west. Go for it! You have entered the town of Iowansas. Part 3: Iowansas Have Jimbob read the sign on the bulletin board right by the town's entrance. It says:"Iowansas 73rd annual hick contest! Biggest Hick wins 100 bags of diapers!"Jimbob figures he could easily win the contest, since he is the biggest hick in the world. Go to the town hall to sign up at the front desk. Talk to thewomen sitting at the desk, secretary Pam. PAM: Uhn, so you is gonna sign up for the hick contest? JIMBOB: I reckin' I already did. PAM: Do not you be sassin' me! I will take a shoe upside yo' head! I sijest that you hears the rules! JIMBOB: Shoot! Rules is for city boys! PAM: I sijest you shut your mouth! You has got to go to the Iowansas stadium in the middle of town tomorrow and compete against the other hicks! JIMBOB: Uhm...kay. Head over to the convenience store to the east of the Town Hall building. Buy some Mallets and head on your way to the inn. Stay the night, and get ready for a big day! After you wake up, Jimbob realizes he overslept and automatically runs to the stadium. He arrives just in time to see the Torkelson's getting crowned as the Biggest Hicks in the World! You have to navigate Jimbob through the crowd surrounding the Torkelsons. Occasionally, you'll have to fight a crowd member or two. When you finally get to the Torkelsons, you get on your knees. JIMBOB: Please! I am beggin' you! I gots to have those diapers so I can go home! DOROTHY JANE: Will I ever find true love? Man on the moon, what's it like to kiss a boy? JIMBOB: Uh, what is you talkin bout? MRS TORKELSON: You best be goin, boy! We is the proud owners of the diapers, so you better leave! You guessed it, it's boss time! You have to fight the Torkelson family. This is the hardest boss battle so far. First of all, you should use a mallet to make the battle go quicker. Take out Mrs. Torkelson first, as she is the healer. She also has the lowest HPs. Take care of the kids now, saving Dorothy Jane for last. The kids either use weak physical attacks, or summon Sally Struthers, who puts you to sleep. Unfortunately, a physical attack doesn't wake you up in this game, so you have to wait it out for 5 rounds. Finally, when only Dorothy Jane is left, heal up! Beat her down, and make sure to always be at full HP. When Dorothy Jane is defeated, she uses her summon, Man on the Moon! DOROTHY JANE: Man on the Moon! I have attempted true love again, only to have my heart broken! MAN ON THE MOON: DAMMIT! WOULD YOU STOP WHINING TO ME EVERY NIGHT WITH YOUR SIMPLE LITTLE GUY PROBLEMS? DOROTHY JANE: This boy had broken my heart! MAN ON THE MOON: FOR GOD'S SAKE! JIMBOB: Wess goin on heeyah? MAN ON THE MOON: YOU BOY'S KEEP BREAKING THIS B***H'S HEART AND I HAVE TO HEAR HER CRY ABOUT IT! YOU'RE DEAD! Man on the Moon uses a strong attack, and unless your HP's are almost full, it's probably gonna kill you. The attack causes the whole stadium to cave in, and the diapers are now impossible to get to. There will be some more dialogue, where Mrs. Torkelson yells at you. She's about to kill you(didn't you just kill her earlier?) but Dorothy Jane rushes in and stops her. DOROTHY JANE: No, Momma! I loves him! MRS TORKELSON: A whuddy whuttin'? DOROTHY JANE: I is gonna help him find some diapers! JIMBOB: Uhm, no? DOROTHY JANE: Come on Jimbob, let's get outta here! MRS TORKELSON: Dorothy Jane! Nooooo! Dorothy Jane takes Jimbob by the hand, and you run out of town. Dorothy Jane Torkelson has joined your party! She equip's Diaries, and I have no clue how it damages the enemy, but it does. You can go back into Iowansas to buy supplies, but the Torkelson family is nowhere around. If you search the rubble near the entrance to the old stadium, you'll find a note Deer Jimbab. Yoo has goss mi dotter? Gif her bak? I will got mi reevenj. Luv Msr Trlksson Fortunately, that time won't come for a while. After you read the note, Jimbob asks Dorothy Jane if she has any ideas. She suggests going to Old Orleans, the harbor town, to see if they've received any shipments of diapers. Head southwest, and you should see a town by the ocean. ------------- Weapons/Armor ------------- *Special Note* For Weapons/Armor that are found and cannot be bought, take the cost given and divide by two to see how much money it can be sold for. Weapons Name | + Attack | Description | Cost | Location | | | | Rusty Rake | 5 | First weapon | $18 | Neighbor's shed PooperScooper | 10 | Some animals run | $25 | Store in Inbretia PlasticRake | 17 | nothing special | $45 | Boss in Mayo Cave Bastard Rake | 22 |perfect for Jimbob| $60 | Store in Iowansas Goodwill Diary | 2 |already written in| $40 | Goodwill in Orleans Armor Name | + Defend | Description | Cost | Location | | | | RaggedOveralls | +3 | First armor | $16 | Neighbor's Shed PatchedOveralls| +6 |Resistant to magic| $26 | From cellmate Smelly Coat | +5 | Some dogs run | $30 | Store in Inbretia Voodoo Doll | N/A |Auto Restore Life | $1000 | Win from Mayo Cave ----- Items ----- Name | Description | Moldy Mayonaisse Samwich | Cures 50 HP Watered Down Whiskey | Restores 50 MP Mallet | Temporarily raises ATP Mayonaisse Samwich | Cures 150 HP Stink Bomb | Escape from any non-boss battle ------- Credits ------- FAQ Copyright 1998 from the Benix Co. BenGrande@yahoo.com