Life of a school boy An IAQ by MysticGohan69. Hello, I’m Mystic Gohan, the world’s most untalented person. This is a FAQ for a game that doesn’t exist(hence the name,IAQ) Revision history: ------------------------------- | V.9.019 Started the IAQ| | V.1.01 added some charas | | V.7.04 Started walkthrough| | V. 2 Finished Discs 2&3| |V. 5 Finished disk 4,finished item list | Infrequently asked questions: Q: Why do you insult yourself? A: Because I try to teach everyone that humans are worthless. Q: Why do you think that? A: Look at the world. Environments are dying, Saddam is trying to kill us all, and George Bush got elected. It’s all going to hell. Q: So you think life sucks? A: You’d have to be dumber than Geese to ask that. Q: Why are you not funny? A: Cause I don’t want to be. Q: This is gay. A: That wasn’t a question, numb nuts. Characters --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CJ Lvl 1 Weapon: Gum Starting armor: Baggy Jeans, shirt. An average fighter, CJ is a pretty good character, and generally handles under any situation. His spells are mostly status affecters, but he’s got a few good offensive ones. CJ’s Spells --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Gum chewing | Heals CJ about 1-2 hearts. Lvl 2 | Bubble pop | CJ Blows a bubble in the enemy’s face, doing moderate damage. Lvl 4 May also blind or paralyze the enemy All other skills differ between the type of gum he has. |Spearmint Spit| Shoots a wad of nasty smelling gum at the enemy. May blind or put in the sick status. Lvl 3 |Wintergreen Freshness| Moderately heals one ally. Lvl 8 |Big red burn| Don’t ask how, but it fries the enemy with the cinnamon flavor. Lvl 7 Harry Lvl 2 Weapon: Rocks. Starting stuff: Shirt, shorts. Harry isn’t exactly great, since his beginning specials suck ass. His rocks don’t do much damage either. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tutor: Slightly raises an ally’s int. Learned Cower: Slightly raises Harry’s Agility. Learned Rock Avalanche: Does great damage at the beginning,but takes 3 turns to execute. Lvl 6 Huge rock: Harry chucks a MASSIVE rock at the enemy, doing huge damage. Lvl 10 Note: Harry and CJ both learn other attacks, but they are all learned event wise, so I’ll discuss them later. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- JJ Lvl 4 Weapon: Pipes Equipment: Super baggy jeans, generic shirt. Although he's CJ's cousin, he's actually much stonger (Strength wise), but not as intelligent. He's a really good character though, too bad he's temporary. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bloody nose: A direct punch to the nose, often makes enemy berserk. Learned Kick-ya-in-da-nuts: A kick to the nuts. Doesn't work on women. May paralyze. Lvl 6 By then,you lose JJ,so it doesn't matter. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brandon Lvl 1 Weapon: wet noodle Equipment: Baggy pants, Expensive shirt Brandon has semi-good attack, but his agility sucks ass,and few of his skills are useful. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | Poison noodle | Makes enemy eat a noodle,poisoning them,but making Brandon lose his weapon. Learned | Noodle in da eye | Slaps enemy in the eye, may blind. Learned. | Beating | Beats the enemy with his noodle,doing good damage. Lvl 2 | Thousand noodles | fires 1,000 sharp noodles at the enemy..does GREAT damage.Lvl 6 | Hey,there's a foot in your ass! | Brandon sticks his foot up the enemy's ass. Always paralyes.Lvl 12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jeremy Lvl 3 Weapon:Pin Equipment:Shorts,shirt Jeremy..umm..sucks.His specials are obselete, and his attack and defense are low. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Stitch | Stiches an enemy's mouth shut, silencing them. Learned. | Sew | Cures the "wound" status. Learned. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paula Lvl 1 Weapon: Shoes Equipment: School uniform, Hair braids. Paula is a surprisingly good chara, only her specials usually only affect CJ,and her HP is kinda low.You can get her by choosing "Yes" when she asks you out. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Slobbery kiss | Greatly heals CJ,but puts him in the "sticky" status. Learned | Kiss | Doesn't heal as much,but has no side effects (used on CJ only). Lvl 3 | Cheer dammit! | Paula does a cheer, heightening everyone's spirits. Lvl 6 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stuff you should know: The battle system is much like Legend of Zelda:Oot, only has no lock on feature,and you can switch charas by hitting the /\ button. This game is made for Playstation 2, and contains 110 hours of FMV, and about 30 hours of gameplay. This game is rated "M" by the FCKU and "T" by the OYU. Controls are as follows: /\=switch charas X=attacks/talks square=opens menu Circle=jumps ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Walkthrough The game starts with an hour long FMV,shwing the interior of CJ's house,room by room. When it finally reaches CJ's room,the narrator will start saying "And now, here's CJ's room," Over and over. This starts your first minigame!All you have to do is smack your PS2. If you smack too hard, it will explode. If you smack too light, you're transported to Siberia, will nothing but a girl's school unifrom and a cup of coffee. If you hit it just right, the game will continue.After which, you see CJ roll out of bed in his boxers. The FMV ends. Well, magically, in the time it took to switch from FMV to normal mode,CJ has all his clothes on. It soon swiched right back to FMV mode, and shows CJ's alarm clock conducting electricity. It starts bouncing, flashing then, when it reaches exactly 6:30, turn up your sound to the max, and you'll hear a very faint squeak. This is somehow enough to wake up the whole house though, as CJ's dad soon barges in the room, yelling at him to get up. "I am up dad." "Get up!" "I am, dad." "You're grounded!" with that, Dad leaves the room. If you go 3 steps left, 1 step up, and 2 steps left, you'll find a wall. However, if you look in the pile of filth next to your bed, you'll find a pack of gum, CJ's first weapon. Just grab your book and leave. Once downstairs,it seems your dad has forgotten to cook again, so that's what you'll have to do. Simply add 2 eggs and a stick of butter for the best score. After your dad eats your cooking without even thanking you(but he'll criticise ya if you made it wrong!), he leaves for work. Go ahead and go outside. This soon starts an hour long FMV of CJ's neighborhood. If you want to skip it, press your X button. Just walk left to your school and walk inside. As soon as you enter, the following conversation ensures: "Hi CJ!!!!" "Oh..hi Paula." "Did I ever mention how cute you were?" "Yes, you did yesterday." "..." "Well,you still are!" Paula giggles and runs off.If you go left about 4 spaces, up 2 spaces, and at an exactly 241/3 degree angle 2 steps,you'll see a wall with a picture on it saying "All your base are belong to us." Go to your locker and get your books. Harry promptly runs into you. "Ow..watch it you old...oh, sup Harry." "Nothing." "What'd you do yesterday?" "Nothing." "So, what'd you have for breakfast today?" "Nothing." "Whatever." Paula soon runs up to you again. "Hey CJ?" "*sigh* Yes Paula?" Paula starts to learn forward and kiss you, but since you're expected it, you spit your gum in her mouth, and she begins chewing. "Wow, this is almost better than kissing you!" "Hey everyone!!!I got CJ's ABC gum!!!" She runs off yet again. Now, head to your home room class.If you see a fat women with black hair, DO NOT step in front of her. She will backhand you against the wall, and you'll lose 2 of your 3 hearts. Once in class, Harry offically joins you(After an exetremely funny FMV of everything in his locker falling out.), and starts talking about the fact he wants to kill David. (this is the last time on disc one) Paula runs up and sits behind you, in Jana's seat. "Uh..you're in Jana's seat." "I am?" "Yeah, and Jana doesn't like people sitting in her seat." "That's right I don't!" An FMV begins, showing Jana and Paula getting in a catfight over the seat. Jana wins, and Paula sits in front of you instead. FMV ends. "Hey Jana...you're looking as good as ever." "Huh? oh yeah sure.." CJ slumps his head since Jana isn't paying attention to him. Paula says,"Hey CJ!" Before he can react,Paula kisses him on the cheek, then promptly goes to her regular seat. Harry's comment: "Uh oh, you better have the nurse examine that, you might have the bubonic plague!" Harry is the only one who laughs. Then, that big fat woman (Mrs. Russell), walks into your room, shaking the ground in the process. "CLASS!! QUIET!!" Nothing happens. "I SAID QUIET!!!!" "Yeah, like we're listening." "CJ!!! COME HERE!!!" And so starts the first boss fight. ---------------------------------BOSS!!!---------------------------------------------- Name: Mrs. Russell. HP: about 6 hearts. Spells: none. Strategy: Since she's the first boss, Mrs Russell is pretty easy.The first thing you do is set CJ's AI to "avoid in close distance". Then, switch to Harry, and position him on the teacher's desk. Set him to " long distance attack" then switch back to CJ. Ok, now that that's done, the only way to hurt Mrs Russell is to use the in and out. Dive in,then quickly jump back(R1 + Circle) This will cause her to attempt an attack, making her fall on the floor and start rolling. When she hits something, quickly spit a wad of gum. Harry should then throw a rock at her, adding a little extra damage. Oh, and this is very important, DO NOT let her get close to Harry!! If she does, she will break her desk, and he will go flying into a wall, where she chases him and begins to beat the crap out of him. If she gets to close, Have CJ purposely miss and hit the floor where she's about to step. She'll fall over, giving an opening for an attack, and also making her focus on CJ again. If you repeat this strategy again and again, Mrs.Russell will soon be defeated. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After that boss fight, Mrs.Russell is sent to the hospital, and you're sent to 1st period. In the hallway, another one hour FMV starts, discribing all your classes. Press X to skip it. -----------------1st period------------------------------------------------------------------ As the FMV shows, this is English class. It would be an uneventful class, but you just happen to have a student teacher teaching it. After working out a short puzzle (the answer is Cheese), you go straight to the actual class. This class is exetremely boring. She'll just keep talking, and talking, and eventually Paula stands up and says,"CJ, will you go out with me?" The entire class looks at you. You can now say yes or no. I reccomend yes, since that nets you a good character for the next boss. Whatever you say, The student teacher soon goes ballistic, starting another boss fight. --------------------------------------BOSS!!!!--------------------------------------------- Name: Mrs. Tolene. Life: 9 Hearts. Spells: She occasionally asks a puzzle question, often stupifying someone. Strategy: Mrs Tolene is hard. The only reason she's hard is because her blind spot is her only weakness, and Harry's rocks and CJ's gum almost never travel fast enough, and the gum on the floor trick won't work. That's why Paula is a huge help. She alone possesses a close range attack, so use that to your advantage. Position Harry in the back right hand corner,and do exactly what you did with him last time. Have CJ circle around her constantly, and take control of Paula. With Paula, any time you see her back open, kick her. CJ and Harry will both automatically attack her, and hurt about half a heart each time.She then focuses her attention on Paula. I'm sure you know what to do now. Switch to CJ and blast her with your gum. Repeat this until she is defeated. If you don't have Paula, don't fret. Use CJ in the same way as before, but have Harry go around behind and pray he throws fast enough. Have CJ heal himself if needed, but do not use slobbery kiss!! If you do, CJ with be paralyed, and Tolene will give him the beat down. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After this potentially long boss fight, Paula will hug you (if she's in your party) and Harry will just say,"Whatever." Luckily, before you can get in trouble, the bell rings. If you chose not to get Paula, a student will give you a pack of good gum, a better weapon for CJ. ------------------------------------2nd period---------------------------------------------- Paula leaves and heads of to Pre-Algebra, while you and Harry head to Algebra I. Since Mrs.Russell had an "unfortunate accident," you have a sub. Nothing happens in this class, but if you shoot a wad of gum in the sub's hair, you get to see a funny FMV of her trying to get it out. -----------------------------------Break---------------------------------------------------- This is basically just a time to talk to he people in your class, and get to know a few characters that will join you soon. Or, if you prefer, you can go talk to Paula in the back of the class (If you said no at first,she'll ask you again.). After this, head down to long hallway to 3rd period. ------------------------------3rd period---------------------------------------------------- Techinacally, 3rd period is art. But since you have a really cool teacher, you can do whatever you want. If you're going out with Paula, she'll talk to you the whole damned time. If you want to fight an optional boss, go to the back room and tell either Harry or Paula(I suggest Paula, she's not very good in this fight) to go distract the teacher. ---------------------------------Boss------------------------------------------------------- Name: Closet Muck. Life: 10 hearts. Spells: May stick you in paralyzing glop. Strategy: There is no real strategy to this guy.The reason Paula isn't helpful here is because of the fact her attack just gets her foot stuck in the muck, not allowing her to move. Just have Harry and CJ pelt him and he should die in no time. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After about 3 minutes(or after you kill the muck),Brandon will start to talk to you, as will Jeremy.If you want Jeremy, say "cheesecake" and if you want Brandon, "I'll help you with Algebra." At that moment, A large girl walks up to you. "Have you seen my pen?" "Not if it's as invisible as your boobs." "What? I outta kill you for that!" and with that, you start your first (possible) full party boss fight. ------------------------------------Boss!!!!------------------------------------------------ Name: Nicole/Limpy/Lumpy Life: 15 hearts Strategy: Hopefully, from fightng the 6th graders outside,or the closet muck, CJ should have 6 hearts, Harry should have 5, Paula 7,and Brandon 6. Jeremy will only have 3. This boss isn't too hard. Use the same Tactics as you did on Russell, only now you have two extra people to use. After losing abour 3 hearts, she'll inflate herself to limpy form. Limpy form is a little harder. She now tries stomping on you more than anything, and that can be deadly. If you have Jeremy, you can just pop her with your pin and end it. If not, try Brandon's noodle in the eye tech. Then, have Paula kick limpy when she's about to stomp someone. This part actually makes Harry the most useful. Have CJ use his "Hug" tech with Paula the whole time, so neither one of them can be hurt. Make Harry and Brandon both circle(I'm sure you're used to AI commands by now) around her, making Brandon get her with noodle in the eye, and Harry throw a rock at her afterwards. Lumpy is pitifully easy, especially if Paula has her "cheer" tech. Use it once, and Lumpy will start this conversation: "I can do that too!!" She starts jumping up and down,eventually crashing through the ground. If she doesn't have it, have Brandon throw poison noodles in her mouth, while Harry pelts her from behind. CJ and Paula can just sit there kissing each other if ya like. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After that,Paula asks you out one last time.You automatically say yes. You start to head to 4th period, but are suddenly stopped by the principal. A FMV starts. "You've hurt 2 teachers and a student today." "They attacked me first." "My CJ did nothing wrong!!" "Paula, I can handle this." "Yes, honey bun." "Honey bun?" Harry starts lauging for no reason. "Now, normally, I'd suspend you." "Oh crap." "But today I'm just giving you a warning." "Are you serious?" "Yes. Now don't do it again." "Yes sir!" The FMV ends. "That's so wonderful Teddy Bear!" "Paula, we're not married..." "So you're saying we should be?" "NO! I meant we don't have...aahh..forget it." "Ok, dear." ---------------------------------------End disc1---------------------------------------------- Disc 2 characters... Zach lvl 4 Weapon: "Oozie" Equipped:Expensive shirt, super baggy pants. Zach's weapon isn't what you think.It's actually a pistol shaped spitball gun, with rapid fire. What's really good about Zach is that he has one of the few fast long range weapons. He also so has high attack and speed, but medium defense and low wisdom. He also has no spells. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Matt Lvl 3 Weapon: Rubber bands Equipped: Same as Zach Matt is a big old copy of Zach. He also has no skills, and almost the exact same stats. He's temporary though. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chris lvl 4 Weapon: Many fighting moves Equipped: Boot leg shirt, baggy pants. Chris is one of the weirdest characters you get.All his stats except wisdom are medium, and his attack is quite slow. ------------------------------skills---------------------------------------------------------- | Atba | A weak kick to the face. learned | Babble | Chris starts talking about fake stuff, etc. Stupifys enemy. Lvl 7 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------Disk 2 walkthrough------------------------------------------ Disc 2 starts with a one hour FMV introducing its 3 new characters. It then goes back to CJ, Harry, Paula, And Brandon/Jeremy walking back to 4th period. Brandon, Jeremy, and Harry all have different 4th periods, so only you and Paula stay in the party. Since Paula is still your girlfriend, she'll stay right beside you the whole time. If you happen to go to her locker with her, she'll take a picture of you and out it in there, asking you to do the same. If you agree, she takes a picture of kissing you,and it works much like the bromides in Lunar 2. It's a really funny picture, so I recommend looking at it. -----------------------------------4th period--------------------------------------------- You remember that sub you had back in Algebra? She's back, and with a vengence. Paula will not stop talking to you the whole time, so your minigame directions may be a little fouled up. All you need to to do if throw 3 peices of gum into the subs hair, at 3 different places(top of her hair, near her neck, and right in the middle) to succeed. When she turns around, don't spit or do anything. After doing this(or failing), she will tun around and another boss fight ensues. --------------------------------------BOSS--------------------------------------------- Name: Mrs. Forrest Spells: She often confuses herself, and sits there stupidly. Life: 4 hearts Strategy: If you can't win this, you utterly suck. She has little life, and can't attack worth beans. You can sit right in front of her shooting gum and STILL win! Paula can just go kick her ass as well. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After this, Paula sits down (In your lap(o)(o)) and a new sub is dropped through the ceiling. She immediately finishes the class, and you can head to Gym. -------------------------------Optional boss--------------------------------------------- While in the hall, talk to Harry when he's at his locker. He'll open it, causing an avalanche of books and a huge monster to tumble out. Name: Locker beast Life: 30 hearts Strategy: It's really best to just run from this guy at this point.You get another chance to fight him later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Once in gym, you're forced to play dodgeball. This minigame is pretty fun, and can get you some good stuff if you win. Press X to throw a ball( if you have one) and press square to catch one(if you don't already have one).If a ball starts to you, quickly use R1 plus a direction key to jump sideways. If you're hit, switch to another character until a teammate makes a shot. Afterwards, if your team wins, you get some limestone, a better weapon for Harry. If you lose, you get nothing. Anyway, after this game, Nathaneil comes up to you. "CJ, I'm better than you." "Shut up, midgetman." "I'm still better than you." "Go worship "god" or something. Go away." "I'm telling!" Being the pussy he is, Nathaneil runs over to coach Neblett and tells him that you just insulted god. A boss battle starts. ----------------------------------------BOSS---------------------------------------- Name: Coach Neblett. Spells: He throws dodgeballs, and has the roll tech. Life: 7 hearts. Strategy: CJ has to fight this one alone. It's actually quite difficult, since Neb. has the roll tech with the best range, and the Gym is such an open area. He starts the fight by throwing 2 dodgeballs, causing them to bounce around the whole fight. The object here is to throw a dodgeball at him, right in the stomach, stripping away a little fat. Keep doing this until you see ribs showing in his skin. Spit a piece of gum. Repeat this untill he begins to roll. When he starts rolling, shoot a piece of gum right in front of him. He'll get stuck, and you can throw some dodgeballs and spit at him until he dies. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is when you see an awesome FMV. Nathaneil will start running to tell Coach Tidwell, when Zach appears out of the shadows and blasts his ass all to pieces. Nathaneil runs off. "Thanks, Zach." "No problem." "I guess we should leave now." "Yeah, I guess so." All your party members rejoin you, except Brandon/Jeremy, since they went home. You now switch to Zach and his flunkies(Matt and Chris) as they make their way to the locker room. "Man, I heard CJ and Paula are going out." "Poor CJ." "Poor Paula!" "I say we break them up." "Matt, c'mon. I love trouble as much as the next guy, but I feel sorry for them. Just leave them in piece." "No way! I can't let that nerd and that skank be happy! Never!" Matt goes to the bathroom and starts plotting. Chris follows. "I guess I should warn CJ." Now, take Zach to the lunch room, where CJ and Paula are sitting together. "Yo! CJ!" "Sup Zach?" "Hi Zach." "Uhh..anything Matt or Chris tell you, it's not true, ok?" "o..k.." "ok." "Good. I'm gonna go get some ice cream." You know retake control of CJ and Paula. Harry soon rejoins you. This starts another minigame where you must seem like you're eating when you're really just dumping your food on the floor.When the teachers aren't watching, go down into under the table view and throw it down in there. If you're seen, you have to fight Ms. Kathy, the bitchy lunch lady. --------------------------Boss---------------------------------------------- Name: Ms. Kathy. Spells: She throws cafeteria food at you, which can do all kinds of weird stuff. Life: 15 hearts. Strategy: CJ should have 12 hearts,Paula 11, and Harry 9. You can actually deflect the food with Paula's attack, or just dodge it and throw a rock/piece of gum. If things get too bad, just run out the cafeteria doors. If you win, you get boots, a better weapon for Paula. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After lunch, Paula FINALLY has to go to a different class than you. Along the way, Matt approaches you. "Hey CJ, Paula's a skank." "To you, maybe." "No, really. She's cheating on you." "What?!" "You're just not man enough." "Bitch." "Paula's boy toy!" "Pillow humper!" "Uhh...Cock sucker!" "Mrs. Russell!" "Damn, you got me." He walks off to plot further. Meanwhile, you take control of Paula, heading to Pre-biology class. Chris bumps into you. "Hey Paula(Now, what was I supposed to do?)!" "Yeah?" "(Oh yeah, I try to get her closer to CJ!)Uhh.." "CJ says he loves you with every thought possible." "Really? What a nice guy." Chris runs off, thinking about how he did such a good job. You now retake control of Zach, who's hanging out in the new building. "Oh, fuck. I have like 5 minutes to get to Biology." The Workers in this place are really annoying. A few shots will pick them off, but they're really fast. Unless you want to get exp, just ignore them. If you turn left, right, left, then go straight, you'll reach the end. Once back in the normal school, go back up to the room you saw CJ go in. Blast any sixth grader you see, and fill up your water bottle at the fountains near the bathroom. If you're late to class, Coach Tidwell will tell you to go to the gym after class. ---------------------------------Biology----------------------------------------- Biology is a fun class. You get to dissect frogs, and it's a really fun minigame. Oddly enough, the point is to do as bad as possible. If not, you don't get to fight coach Tidwell, or will only get to fight with Zach. So with Harry, CJ, and Zach, do really crappily(unless Zach was already late.). This will make Tidwell send you to the gym, where one of the most rewarding Boss fights starts. ------------------------------Boss----------------------------------------------- Name: Coach Tidwell Spells: Throws Basketballs, also may call Neblett. Life: 20 Hearts Strategy: With Zach, first run to the corner and wait. With Harry, go to the vat of basketballs on top of the stage. If you jump in, Harry will start throwing basketballs out. Have CJ go to the bottom of the stage, so he'll catch the balls and throw them at Tidwell. Regain control of Zach. With Zach, shoot the 5 rounds you can before having to re-aim, and then back off a little. If he throws a basketball, have Zach jump sideways, then shoot off 5 rounds. If CJ manages to hit him in the back, he'll fall over. If this happens, Have Zach power up his attack by holding down the attack button.When he's down to 10 hearts, He'll call fat ass Neblett to fall down on the stage, knocking Harry and CJ to opposite corners of the room.When this happens, Zach is left alone, with no back up. Simply running up and down the bleachers will work. If you ever can, power up Zach's super shot. After Tidwell is gone, take care of Neb. The easy way is to rapidly shoot him in the stomach, taking off his fat, then blowing him all to pieces.After the battle, Zach gets another Oozie, allowing him to use both at once. This greatly improves him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------Last period----------------------------------------------- As soon as you enter class, Matt comes up to you and Paula. Unfoortunately, Paula is too busy getting all mushy about that compliment she's thinks you gave her. "Hey Paula, CJ's cheating on you." Paula's too busy kissing to pay attention. "I said CJ's cheating on you!!" "Just shut up Matt." "You shut up, CJ!" "Bitch!" "Ho!" "Mrs. Russell!" "Damn, you got me again." He runs off, and you and Paula sit down (course, she's on top of you, but still.). Then one of the most horrifying FMVs ever begins. It starts with a MASSIVE women attempting to enter the door. She's repeatedly screaming,"What?!", and is having trouble getting through. Some preppy suck up students try buttering her, with little success. She eventually tries backing in, body slamming, and even repeatedly pounding the door. She eventually just gets part of her gut in, shakes it all around, and the doorway widens. The FMV ends. "Oh no! It's Mrs. Hock-it!!!!" "WHAT?!" Matt then hears Chris's status report, and smacks him in the head, followed by Nat yelling," Whoop whoop whoop!" Emily, one of those preppy suck ups, then says "Mrs. Hock-it!!!! CJ and Paula are using the same seat! Mrs. Hock-it!! Please make then stop!! It's offending me, because it's not the rules!! Mrs. Hock-it!!!" "WHAT?!" "We are not!!" Paula attempts to hide you completely from view. "Whoa! Watch where that thing goes!" she soon says. "It's not my fault! If you'd just put your god damn skirt down.." "WHAT?!" ----------------------------------------------Boss----------------------------------------- Name: Mrs. Hock-it. Spells: She can repeatedly scream "WHAT?!" but it does nothing. Life: 17 Hearts Strategy: This is quite possibly the funniest boss ever. Her main defense is to roll up into an invinceble ball. Since Paula and CJ are so unfortunately "locked together", you fight this fight with Matt, Chris, Zach, and Harry. Matt almost immediately says, "We don't need Harry, the little foriegner!" "Shut up, would you rather have CJ or Paula?" "...." Ok, have Chris walk right up to her and start attacking. This does no damage, but does a good job of distracting her. Have Harry clear out immediately, since her attacks hurt him most. Harry and Matt can sit back and pelt her, still doing nothing. To actually hurt her, have Zach shoot that little thought bubble above her that says,"WHAT?!". Then Matt/Harry/Chris's attacks will hurt. After a while, she'll start rollin. Since you can't do the gum trick without CJ, simply have Chris stand in front of her. Since he's the worst chara you have, he's expendable. Mrs. Hock-it will crash into him, and leave herself open. Just nuke her from there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1 last FMV starts, showing Mrs. Hock-it slowly melt into fat air. CJ and Paula finally get unlocked from themselves, and Matt and Chris are killed by Mrs. Hock-it's spirit, and are sent to hell with her. CJ just does a victory pose, followed by Paula doing her usual one, hugging CJ. Harry just once again sits there, saying "Whatever", and Zach starts shooting his Oozie in the air. The FMV ends. ---------------------------End of Disc 2-------------------------------------------- Disc 3 Characters: JJ lvl 5 Weapon: Pipe Equipment: Generic shirt, baggy pants. Sorry about putting JJ there earlier, I didn't realize the first disk was so short(damn the creators of this game.).Like I said before, He's a good but temporary chara. ----------------------------skills---------------------------------------------------- | Busted nose | A direct punch to the nose. Learned | Kick in nuts | A kick in the nuts that doesn't effect females. Lvl 6 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ex-cheerleader Paula Lvl whatever she was before Weapon: Shoes Equipment: Belly shirt, Bell bottoms. In this disc, Paula gets voted off the cheerleading team, making her lose her "cheer" ability, but letting her gain a slew of new ones. --------------------------------Skills------------------------------------------------ *Paula keeps Kiss and Slobery Kiss. | The Tornado | A spinning kick. Lvl 13 | Fuck the cheerleaders!! | Makes any cheerleader's stats drop dramatically. Too bad you never fight any cheerleaders. Lvl 17 | CJ,help!! | Paula increases all of CJ's stats, dropping her own in the process. Lvl 19 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And at last, you've finished your school day. If you check your locker, you'll find a pack of Spearmint gum. If you do the same trick with Harry's locker as before, you can fight the locker monster. ----------------------------------Boss----------------------------------------------- Name: Locker Beast Spells: He can throw random items out of Harry's locker. Life: 30 hearts. Strategy: God damn this guy's tough. He's like fighting Tolene, Tidwell, and Hock-it by yourself! Unfortunately, Paula was called to a cheerleader's meeting, and you have only Zach, Harry, and CJ. The only way I know of even hurting him is to use Spearmint spit(which makes him sick, causing him to harden), followed by blowing him away. He's exetremely fast and strong, but if you beat him, Harry gains a filth summon, and CJ learns to use "Rancid gum breath." Both of which are powerful skills. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As disc 1 featured mostly CJ,Disc 2 centered around Zach, Disc 3 centers around Paula. If you walk up the hall, you'll switch to her automatically. Control Paula until you reach the gym, where there's a cheerleader's meeting in progress. "Good Paula, glad you could make it." "I hope I'm not late." "Not at all." "We have some bad news." "What is it?" "We've voted you off the cheerleading team." "Whaa..whaa...why?" "Because no guy likes you." "That's not true!" "Who then?" "My boyfriend!" "Who's that?" "CJ!!" CJ is immediately called to the meeting. "Uhh....yeah, she's better than the rest of you." "WHAT?!" "Let me handle this, CJ." ---------------------------Boss----------------------------- Name: Angie Spells: none. Life: 5 hearts Strategy: This is an awesome battle. Angie can't really do much, and Paula has a few of her"Ex-cheerleader" techs now. Since she's not lvl 17, she doesn't have "fuck you cheerleaders" yet, and this is the one time it would help. Simply kicking Angie a few times will almost kill her. She may whip out her dildo and try to beat you with it though. It's really too bad you only get Paula here though, since having two characters would make it a little easier. And I'm guessing for the horror of making us see Angie in a cheerleading uniform,they had to add something cool, so this battle is somehow done in controllable FMV. It's awesome. -------------------------------------------------------------- After Angie is laid out, Paula is kicked off the team, and runs home crying. You now retake control of CJ. If you want to feel good about yourself, go to Paula's house and talk to her. Then you have about 10 minutes until you have to be home. I reccomend exploring your town a little, and learning where everything is. If you've gotten enough money, you can go down to the BP and buy some better gum. You may also want to pick up some cokes for later. After returning home, JJ calls you up. "Sup Jay." "Sup Cee." "Wanna come down this weekend?" "Sure." With that, you head down to JJ's house, which means you *Bum bum bum* have to go through the world map!! -----------------------The world map-------------------------- X X X X X(you are here) This is a basic render of the world map. The first X in the top-left corner is Camden. The one on the next line is The Churchpit, which plays a large part in the game. The one near the bottom left is Waverly, which is where you need to go. The final X is the Tennesee river, which is a good build up spot. ----------------------------------------------------------------- About now, the hour long FMV of the charas of this chapter starts, and is immediately followed by another hour long one showing you the world map. Head to Waverly, which is a pretty long walk. Once there, a small FMV plays. It basically shows JJ in a fight with some hick named Jimbo. -----------------------------Boss------------------------------- Name: Jimbo Spells: He chucks whiskey bottles. Life: 10 hearts Strategy: JJ and Jimbo have the exact same life, making this battle somewhat tough. Use JJ's Busted nose tech for the most effectiveness, and beware the whiskey. This can be deadly. ----------------------------------------------------------------- The game then switches back to Paula ( and stays there for a good while). Well, Paula is basically feeling horrible. She has completely neglected her appearence, and hasn't gotten out of bed in a day. She actually isn't cheery at all. Suddenly, she feels that CJ is in danger for some reason or another. She doesn't care though, so she goes back to sleep. When she wakes up, She feels a lot better. She gets up and takes a short shower(fully viewed in FMV, of course), and get's dressed. She then goes out for a day on the town. ---------------------------Optional Boss------------------------ If you go around to the back of your school, you can fight a wolf. Name: Wolf Spells: none Life: 20 hearts. He's a bad little mother fucker. He attacks quickly and powerfully, leaving only one vulnerable spot. When he's about to hit you, kick him. He'll go flying through the air, allowing you to go see the J'vile forest(after killing him though.) ------------------------------------------------------------------ I won't go into the J'Ville forest just yet, since it's a while before you even have to go there. Anyway, once you've stocked up on stuff, head to the churchpit north of town. It's the only place Paula can go to think. Once there, Paula will think of everything that's happened during the year. There's an hour long FMV of it all, right up to the point when she was thrown off the cheerleading team. It's actually quite touching. Afterwards, Paula realizes that if she doesn't get the right attitude, her life will never get any better. She soon starts back down the hill, unaware that someone was watching her.... ---------------------------------------Boss------------------- Name: Rabid Mountain Man Spells: He may try to bite you. Life: 15 Hearts Strategy: The Mountain Man is only hard if you don't have the tornado yet. If you do, everytime he lunges, use it. If you don't, just step back, then go back forward and kick. He won't be defeated by regular attacks, however. What you need to do is make him back back up the hill, the make him get to the steep drop off. Tornado kick him down there to win. -------------------------------------------------------------- Unfortunately, someone saw you knock him off, and isn't too happy about it. Him and his neighbors are soon shooting you with shotguns. Run back into the woods to escape. -------------------------------Woods Dungeon-------------- This dungeon is just a big maze. You have hicks right on your heels though, so don't think you can take your time. after running for several minutes, you'll come to a small hill. Climb down, and head to the road. Once there, you'll see CJ and JJ playing a game of basketball. An FMV begins. Remember that scene with Kidd from Chrono Cross?Well, Paula imitates this scene perfectly, showing Paula standing on the hill above CJ and JJ, her torn and tattered clothing waving in the air.FMV end. -------------------------------------------------------------- "Uhh..Paula? Why are you here?" "I*pant* killed some*pant* rabid mountain man,*pant* and these hicks started chasing me." "Come on, let's get you inside." CJ and JJ bring Paula inside, and he sits down on the couch, CJ sitting beside her. JJ sits at the table. "Paula, what were you doing at the churchpit?" "I was thinking." "CJ, I'm gonna leave you 2 alone." JJ leaves. "Look Paula, you really shouldn't be up there alone. It's dangerous." "Are you saying just because I'm a woman I can't defend myself?" "No, not at all. I'm not going there alone either." "Ok then, let's go together." "Tommorrow sound ok?" "Yeah, that sounds perfect." As you can see, what started ou as a petty crush has really turned into a deep love affair. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The second day of school is either the funniest day, or he most humiliating day in existence. It seems someone got that picture of Paula kissing you, then put it in photoshop, and changed your face with Paula's. So it makes it look like you're wearing a girl's school uniform kissing Paula wearing your clothes. There goes the theory that the original was bad enough. You get a copy of this picture, and can view it anytime. If you want to see the funniest FMV ever, go to the library. Inside, Take a picture of Paula. Now, scan it, and go into photoshop. Now, put your head on Paula's body again. Now, if you save changes, you reverse the entire school, and you see a FMV of CJ in Paula's clothes, walking to class, then suddenly realizing what he's wearing, and run back to the computer to fix it. If you do this again, however, it will be pemanent, so don't do it again. After this, you control Harry, trying to snatch all these fake pictures from people. If you get at least 20, You'll get some Steel toed boots for Paula. If you get them all, you'll also get some cement for Harry. After which, the person who did it gives all the other different ones he made, and tells Harry to give them to CJ. Look at them first. 1. Is a picture of Paula holding her purse in 2 hands, posing for the camera. 1. The reverse is the same pic, only CJ's head is on Paula's body. 2. Is Paula sitting down with her legs crossed. This one is exetremely funny with CJ's head on it. Afterwards, Head down the hall and give them to CJ. Then this incident is never spoken of again. ----------------------End of Disc 3------------------------------------------------------- Disc 4: Preparing for the 8th grade Banquet. Well, all through the school day, everyone is talking about the 8th grade banquet. About 50% of them actually have a date(Your's being Paula), and of the %50 who need one, Harry is one of them. Harry not exactly smooth either. But since he's disc 4's main character, you're gonna have to put up with him. Remember those huge locker avalanches Harry seems prone to? As soon as you open your locker, here comes another one. Harry will bump into Krista, and will have the choice of flirting or apoligizing. Either one nets you some brownie points with her, and if you wanna take her to the banquet, you're gonna have to elimate the competition: Jeremy. Dating Krista: Step 1: Eliminate Jeremy. Jeremy is the easiest one to break off, since all you have to do is beat him in a one on one fight. ----------------------------------Boss----------------------------------- Name: Jeremy Spells: none Life: 8 hearts Strategy: Harry probably has abou 10 or 11 hearts by now, so you should have no trouble. If you can, summon the locker beast to attack him. If not, use that concrete you should have gotten and pelt him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Afterwards, if you chose Jeremy over Brandon, Jeremy permanently leaves your party. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you're not interested in Krista, then there are others. Karen will probably be walking to class, and you could "accidently" bump into her. Dating Karen: Eliminate Zach. Zach is the hardest person to break off. You again have to fight him, but he's got skill that'll amaze you. -------------------------------Boss-------------------------------------- Name: Zach. Spells: None Life: 20 hearts. Strategy: You already know that Harry is way out matched. It is possible to win, but is it worth it? I myself haven't beaten him, so I don't have a strategy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- This causes Zach to permanently leave your party. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Going after Karen seems like suicide, so maybe you'd prefer Crystal? She's got no competition, but just getting her to talk to you is almost impossible. 1. Talk to her at the beginning of school. 2. Leave a small note in her locker. 3. Let her borrow money at break. 4. Talk to her during Biology. 5. Pop the question when she is leaving school...meaning you have to get from one end of the building to the other in about a minute. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- If Crystal's quest seems a little too complicated, you could try the easest, Emily's. Why you'd even bother is a mystery to me. Just talk to her during break. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now, Harry has a date. If you didn't get one, Harry somehow clones a female version of himself and takes her. It's a funny FMV to watch. Afterwards, it shows Paula getting ready. You then have a minigame where you have to find her necklace without getting dirty. It then goes to CJ, showing him getting dressed and such. He's probably the most worried of the group, and is sweating in buckets. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The banquet begins. It starts with a quick FMV of the dance hall, and shows all the couples. If you got Harry with Karen, I salute you. Then begins a really weird minigame. You basically have to slow dance. You have a few keys you must use, and keep a good beat. Afterwards, Paula and CJ head off to the refreshment table, leaving Harry alone. Your date will ask a variety of questions, all depending on which reward you get at the end. If you can get Emily to shut up about Algebra, I also salute you. A rather long FMV show's afterward, showing Paula and CJ's crazy misadventures by the refreshments, and then back to Harry fumbling around the dance floor.The FMV ends. You're all having a good time, and suddenly a giant explosion blows up the stage. Harry, Paula, Zach, and CJ all prepare for the worst. And that's exactly what happens: Matt's Ghost returns. -----------------------------End of disc 4-------------------------------- More to come soon...... CJ and Paula's double techs. |Smooch| Heals them both a moderate amount of hearts. Bubble pop + Kiss | Hug | Makes them unseceptible to physical attacks. Slobbery kiss + Gum chewing | Throw your cheerleader round n' round | CJ chucks Paula at an enemy, doing good damage. Cheer+ Bubble pop |Fuck you all!| Paula and CJ both cuss out all enemies on screen, lowering their stats. Fuck Cheerleaders + Spearmint spit FULL ITEM LIST Mello Yello-heals about 3 or 4 hearts. Pack of gum-CJ's first weapon Good pack of gum- CJ's second weapon Spearmint gum- Teaches CJ "Spearmint Spit" Winterfresh gum- Teaches CJ "Winter Freshness" Big red gum- Teaches CJ "Big Red Burn" School uniform- A short skirt worn with knee length socks and non-heeled shoes,also an undershirt and smail overcoat Shirt- Just a shirt Expensive shirt- A designer brand shirt Boot leg shirt- a cheap shirt of low quality. Generic shirt-A plain colored shirt. Belly shirt-A girl's shirt stopping at the stomach. Bell-bottoms- Pants tight except at the bottom, where they flair. Hair Braids- Braids worn in hair by girls. Rocks-Plain old rocks. Limestone-Slightly harder rocks. Cement-Hard rocks. Concrete-Really hard rocks. Baggy pants-Pants that are bigger than needed. Super baggy pants-Pants way bigger than needed. Oozie-A rapid fire spitball gun. Rubber bands-Weak bands of rubber Lead pipe-A lead pipe. Iron pipe-A really strong pipe. Noodle-A wet noodle. Pin-a small pointy pin. Shorts-Short pants Water in a bottle-Used by Zach..heals one heart, and contains about 3 uses. More coming soon!