_____ __ __ _____ __ ____ _____ _____ ____ _____ /_ __// /_/ // ___/ / / /_ _/ / ___// ___/ / __ \ / ___/ / / / __ // __/ / / / / / /_ / __/ / / / // /_ / / / / / // /___ / /___ _/ /_ / __/ / /___ / /_/ // __/ /_/ /_/ /_//_____/ /_____//____//_/ /_____/ \____//_/ ____ ____ ____ __ / __ ) / __ \ / __ ) |__ \ _ / __ // / / // __ / __/ /(_) / /_/ // /_/ // /_/ / / __/_ /_____/ \____//_____/ /____(_) _____ __ __ _____ _____ _____ ____ _ _ _____ _ /_ __// /_/ // ___/ / ___/ / ___// __ \ / / / // ___/ / / / / / __ // __/ \__ \ / __/ / / / // / / // __/ / / / / / / / // /___ ___/ // /___/ /_/ // /_/ // /___ / /___ /_/ /_/ /_//_____/ /____//_____/\___\_\\____//_____//_____/ * * * * * The Life of Bob 2: The Sequel By: Bobby Jones Email: BobCFed08@the-pentagon.com Version 0.0 ********************** *1. Table of Contents* ********************** 1. Table of Contents 2. Updates 3. IAQ 4. Game Elements 5. Characters - Bobby - James - Keary - Elmo - Ryan - Richard - Matt - AJ - Jimbo - Jefe - Ragnarosen - Buzz Buzz - Cloud 6. Walkthrough 7. Normal Abilities 8. Special Abilities - Schizophrenia - Combination - Gaming - Kill - Talk - Wealth - Sundoodles - Power Up - Midgar Combo 231 - Creation - Stinger - Headache 9. Items/Equipment - Weapons - Armor 10. Miscellaneous - Armor - Decorating Room - Points of Bob - Magic: The Crowding - Souls - Elements - Status Effects 11. Side Quests - Getting BobCFed08 - The Midgar Swamp - Ryan Subquest - Optional Boss 12. Credits - Helpful People - Relevent Links 13. Disclaimer ************* *2. Updates * ************* Version 0.0 (9/26/00) -Started LoB2: TS Version 0.0 (9/27/00) -Started IAQ -Started Table of Contents -Started Updates -Started Spells/Abilities -Started Items/Equipment Version 0.0 (9/28/00) -Updated Spells/Abilities -Updated Items/Equipment -Started Miscellaneous Version 0.0 (9/29/00) -Updated Miscellaneous -Updated Items/Equipment -Edited Spells/Abilities Version 0.0 (10/7/00) -Updated Spells/Abilities -Updated Items/Equipment -Updated Miscellaneous Version 0.0 (10/19/00) -Updated Spells/Abilities -Updated IAQ -Updated Status Effects -Updated Miscellaneous Version 0.0 (10/20/00) -Updated Miscellaneous -Updated IAQ -Updated Spells/Abilities -Updated Items/Equipment Version 0.0 (11/08/00) -Updated Miscellaneous Version 0.0 (12/16/00) -Completely revamped entire IAQ Version 0.0 (12/17/00) -Updated Characters Section -Updated Special Skills Section -Updated Normal Skills Section Version 0.0 (12/18/00) -Updated Special Skills Section -Updated Normal Skills Section Version 0.0 (12/26/00) -Updated Walkthrough Version 0.0 (12/27/00) -Updated Miscellaneous Version 0.0 (12/28/00) -Updated Miscellaneous -Updated Walkthrough Version 0.0 (12/30/00) -Updated Walkthrough -Updated Credits section -Updated Items Version 0.0 (1/3/01) -Updated Walkthrough -Updated Items Version 0.0 (1/4/01) -Updated Walkthrough Version 0.0 (1/7/01) -Updated Miscellaneous -Updated Side Quests Version 0.0 (1/8/01) -Updated Walkthrough -Updated Side Quests Version 0.0 (1/9/01) -Updated Characters -Updated Normal Abilities -Updated Special Abilities -Updated Miscellaneous -Updated Thanks -Updated Walkthrough Version 0.0 (1/10/01) -Updated Normal Abilities Version 0.0 (1/12/01) -Updated Walkthrough Version 0.0 (1/15/00) -Updated Walkthrough ********* *3. IAQ * ********* Q: Didn't you... already write an IAQ about your life? A: No. Q: Yes, you did. A: That wasn't a question, jackass! Q: Uh... I really do think you wrote an IAQ about your life... ? A: That's better. OK, so I did. I just felt like writing a new one, since I had so many new ideas, especially with the coming of High School. Q: So, what is this? A: Geez... it's an IAQ, a walkthrough for a game that doesn't exist. It's supposed to be funny. A: It's not funny, you know. Q: I didn't know. Thanks for telling me. Otherwise, I'd go on thinking it WAS funny and making a fool of myself. People would laugh at me and I'd be embarassed. So embarassed that I'd kill everybody I've ever loved and everyone who ever loved me. Then I'd commit suicide. All this averted because you told me the truth. THANK YOU. Q: I'm (insert insulting topic here), and I find your IAQ greatly insulting! A: Look... I'm not singling you out, trust me. I make fun of you among everybody else in this IAQ. Myself more than anybody. So just deal with it! Q: Why do so many people use their hands in combat? A: I'm on a Xenogears rush. Q: Where did you get all your ideas? A: Mostly from my friends... a lot of things are just based off of my day normally, and warped a bit to be funny. Ha, ha. Moron. Q: MORON YOU ARE THE MORON YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DOENT BELEIV IN GOD!!!!!11 A: go back go back go backgo back go bakc Q: Hey - is Bobby's stuttering a parody of Beath of Flams, or does he really stutter? A: A little from Column A, a little from Column B. Coincidentally, if you were to successfully knocked Column B into Column C, you could start a chain reaction to topple Columns A through F and get a million points to win the grand prize of a THOUSAND DOLLARS and three Baja Gordita tacos from Taco Bell! Q: So, when is this IAQ gonna start? A: As soon as you stop asking these damned questions! ******************* *4. Game Elements * ******************* Life of Bob 2: The Sequel is, as most people guessed... AN RPG *ominous music plays*. The basic elements of gameplay are, for the most part, the same. The battle system has changed from the original Life of Bob. Instead of a Final Fantasy Tactics one, it is much more like a 'normal' RPG battle system. This time, movement and the like is not important in gameplay. Your team is always in the foreground, and the enemies are in the background of a battle screen. At the very bottom of the screen are the choices for battle. These are ATTACK, DEFEND, ABILITIES, SPECIAL ABILITY (although, instead of 'special ability', it is replaced with the actual special ability - SCHIZOPHRENIA for Bobby, for example), ITEM, and RUN. ATTACK simply means that you attack with your equipped weapon. DEFEND means that you do nothing for the entire round except take a defensive pose, in which case physical attacks (no matter their strength) only do 1 damage, and spells do half their normal damage. This does not affect spells that always do a fixed number of HP damage. ABILITIES brings up a seperate menu of the abilities and spells that the given character has learned. These abilities can be viewed in later parts of the IAQ. SPECIAL ABILITY is the most unique of these choices, and is further discussed in part 8 of the IAQ. ITEM merely brings up a list of items you can use in combat, and RUN means you run away. You can run from every battle, except for bosses. At any time outside of battle, you can access your menu, too. Through this, you can look at any character's status, use items, equip characters, save, etc. You can only save at certain save points (which are shaped like a cardboard cow for some reason). The only truly unique feature in the menu is 'Nap'. You can take a nap, anywhere, anytime (only Bobby can use it in battle, and only once he's reached a certain level), and it will slowly cure your HP. Unfortunately, you may miss sometimes important events when sleeping. And people can steal your money, etc. I suggest sleeping in class or on the street ONLY when you know what you're doing. And sometimes just waiting until you get home. When you bring up stats, it lists a characters current HP, MP, Strength, Defense, etc. These statistics are all pretty easy to figure out, with the possible exception of Self Esteem. Self Esteem is the number out of 100 (percentage) that somebody will come back to life instantly during battle with 1 HP remaining. It is only used once per battle, and really isn't something to rely on. But it's nice to have. **************** *5. Characters * **************** ***BOBBY*** Name: Bobby Jones III Age: 15 Weapon: Yo-yo Special Ability: Schizophrenia Normal Abilities: Magnets (lv.1), Preach Atheism (lv.7), Really Smart! (lv.13), Nap (lv.20), Cash (lv.40), ANOTHER DIMENSION (lv.50), Harsh Insult (lv.65), Subtitles (lv.88), Flapper Tassels (lv.95 - only if BobCFed08 is obtained) Stats: HP: high MP: medium-high Strength: medium-low Defense: medium-high Speed: medium Intellect: high Luck: medium-high Useless Stat: low Self-Esteem: * Description: Bobby is back, and he's back with a yo-yo. He's a year older than he was in his last IAQ, so he is all beefed up! Er, more like porked up. Yeah, that'll do. Whether he's getting a good tan from staying up all night playing video games or rolling on the floor laughing at such simple words as "soup" or "flapper tassles", he really hasn't changed much. Sorry. Analysis: Well, the ego trip is back (not Jeff). Bobby has some of the best stats, and some really great abilities. Even if the good ones are learned really late in the game. His special ability "Schizophrenia" is awesome (he transforms into one of five different personalities) and in some cases of the came, crucial to get by. Unfortunately, his self-esteem is extraordinarily low, and it's impossible to raise it (even with items). ***JAMES*** Name: James Harris II Age: 15 Weapon: Telephone Special Ability: Combination Normal Abilities: Tie Shoes (lv.1), Draw Image (lv.5), Screech (lv.14), Rude Uncalled-For Comment (lv.31), Unbelievable Noble Beliefs (lv.48), Borrow Money (lv.60) Bitch Slap (lv.70) Stats: HP: medium MP: medium-low Strength: medium Defense: medium-high Speed: high Intellect: medium-low Luck: medium Useless Stat: medium-high Self-Esteem: **** Description: Instead of being a mere temporary sidekick with a Daravonese speech problem - James returns to be Bobby's main sidekick. That is, along with Keary. He's always ready to make sure Bobby doesn't develop any self-esteem, and to punch walls whenever really angry. Yay. Analysis: James has some good abilities, most of which he learns at a relatively low level (especially considering the higher levels Bobby takes to learn his best moves), so he is a really good character early on. Especially since you get him early in the game. Unfortunately, since his later abilities aren't too great, and his stats do not progress as much, he becomes less and less useful towards the end of the game. ***KEARY*** Name: Keary Turner I Age: 15 Weapon: Controller Special Ability: Gaming Normal Abilities: Birdie (lv.1), Lazer Pointer (lv.7), Skates (lv.15), Throw Gov't Book (lv.41), Gay Bookbag (lv.48), Pull Prank (lv.70), Bobby's Stepmom (lv.73), Name (lv.83), The-Super-Hyper-Ultra-Power-Mega- Turbo-Attack (lv.101) Stats: HP: medium MP: medium Strength: medium Defense: medium-high Speed: medium Intellect: medium-low Luck: medium Useless Stat: medium Self-Esteem: *** Description: Bobby's elder friend (although, during a certain time frame, they're both 15. Ha!), Keary is always there for guidance and advice. That is, to recieve it. From Bobby. Keary doesn't just play video games - he plays them. A lot. Almost more than Bobby. Analysis: Keary is, as you can probably tell from all of his stats, a very moderate character. For some people, he's perfect until the end. But more advanced players will want to take advantages of other character's strengths to overcomes the weaknesses of others. Keary has no strong strengths, but no real weaknesses. So, he's a decent character all the way through! And even though he learns The-Super-Hyper-Ultra-Mega-Turbo-Attack, it only comes at the very high level of 101. And you can only go up to 100. Damnit! ***ELMO*** Name: Elmo Hahn Age: 14 Weapon: Gun Special Ability: Kill Normal Abilities: Punch (lv.1), Don't Care (lv.7), Nap (lv.23), Scary (lv.33), Exploding Pen (lv.48), Double Pants (lv.51), Bitch Slap (lv.59), Vampire Bite (lv.64) Stats: HP: medium-low MP: medium Strength: high Defense: medium-high Speed: medium Intellect: medium-low Luck: medium Useless Stat: medium-high Self-Esteem: ** Description: He's not quite Uriel, he's not quite Loki, he's not quite Duo Maxwell, but Elmo is the closest thing to an Angel of Death Bobby's party will ever recieve. Or maybe he's a Vampire. Scientists are no longer trying to find out - he's way too scary. Just don't make fun of his name, or he'll kill you. Analysis: Elmo's pretty good. His guns don't do too much damage, but his strength somewhat makes up for the lack of pure strength. His abilities are pretty good, too, but like James, they lose their great value later on in the game. If you level him up, though, he can be as good as any other team members! ***RYAN*** Name: Ryan Age: 14 Weapon: Miscellaneous Special Ability: Talk Normal Abilities: Annoy (lv.1), Birdie (lv.11), Easily Pissed Off (lv.28), IAQ Ideas (lv.41), Nestea (lv.53), Talk Only With Abbreviations (lv.58) Stats: HP: medium-low MP: medium-high Strength: high Defense: medium-high Speed: high Intellect: medium Luck: low Useless Stat: medium-low Self-Esteem: **** Description: Bobby's friend for all their lives (well, more like around two or three years), Ryan makes his debut in Life of Bob for the first time (not even a cameo in earlier games!). A source of several jokes in the game, Ryan will surely make a welcome addition to the party! Analysis: Ryan is a pretty decent character. His abilities come early in the game (and, at that time, are quite useful), but lose their flair later on, when he levels up and they weaken. His physical stats, however, are among the best, and more than make up for this flaw. Use Ryan if you don't like the confines of MP (though he does have a lot!), and if physical fighting is where you're strongest! ***RICHARD*** Name: Richard Age: 14 Weapon: None Special Ability: Wealth Normal Abilities: Cash (lv.1), Warhammer (lv.10), Harsh Insult (lv.27), Don't Care (lv.41), Coinage Gun (lv.56), Gun Collection (lv.77) Stats: HP: high MP: high Strength: medium-low Defense: low Speed: low Intellect: high Luck: medium-high Useless Stat: medium-high Self-Esteem: **** Description: Richard is the rich guy of the group. Of course, he's hardly a Richie Rich snob (eh, despite having the same name...), and kicks severe ass to anybody who pisses him off. Like, for example, Dr. Gallagher. Analysis: Richard is the exact opposite of Ryan. His stats are very precise (the high HP and low defense balance each other out), but he can do a helluva lot of damage with his abilities, taking into consideration his Intellect and MP. Unfortunately, his real strength (both in abilities and stats) doesn't begin to surface until much later in the game, and it's rather hard to level him up while he's still in his weak spot (a beginner). Once you do, though, he's a great character! ***MATT*** Name: Matt Beziat Age: 14 Weapon: None (laptop) Special Ability: Sundoodles Normal Abilities: Patented Bristles (lv.1), Play Karate (lv.9), Cat (lv.15), Pocahontas (lv.41), Suck-it (lv.50), Dumb Fuck (lv.78), ERROR (lv.85) Stats: HP: medium-low MP: low Strength: medium Defense: medium-high Speed: medium-low Intellect: high Luck: low Useless Stat: medium-high Self-Esteem: *** Description: Apparently, everybody's forgotten than Matt had turned into an Apocalyptic Angel (and later, a guinea pig), and tried to destroy the world last year. Probably because he was called "Batt Meziat" back then. Well, he's back, and as annoying as ever. However, the legendary power of Sundoodle lurks within him, a power Bobby is determined to bring out... Analysis: Well, throughout most of the game, Matt sucks. He's kinda like the Cute Animal Character of the game, but not cute at all. And (perhaps) not an animal. His stats are low, his abilities suck for the most part, and he talks really annoyingly. However - one thing sets him apart. One thing makes him perhaps the best character in the game. The only spell greater than Flapper Tassels is the TG Cid-ish "Sundoodles". ***AJ*** Name: Adrian Jones Age: 14 Weapon: None Special Ability: Power Up Normal Abilities: Solar Flare (lv.1), Kamehameha (lv.1), Destructo Disk (lv.17), Special Beam Cannon (lv.25), Death Ball (lv.48), Regenerate (lv.61), Spirit Bomb (lv.78) Stats: HP: high MP: medium-high Strength: high Defense: medium Speed: medium-high Intellect: medium-low Luck: medium-low Useless Stat: high Self-Esteem: **** Description: AJ is, despite being black and from an entirely different part of the county, Bobby's brother (ominous Soap Opera music plays). Well, not his brother. His bodyguard, to be more exact. He is still into Dragonball Z as much as ever, and is finally ready to fight with Bobby, not against him! (Thank god!) Analysis: AJ is a really great character. Unlike most other abilities, AJ's does not weaken as he levels up. In fact, they become stronger along with him. Not to mention his Power Up ability raises his already great strength to even higher amounts! ***JIMBO*** Name: Jimbo Gowdey Age: 15 Weapon: Water Bottle Special Ability: Midgar Combo 231 Normal Abilities: Annoy (lv.1), Glasses Fry (lv.2), Jolt (lv.6), Stridex Cutter (lv.10), Tie Shoes (lv.20), Borrow Money (lv.34), ALLLL YOU CAN! (lv.46), Here Have Some Water (lv.50), Ruppachuckchuckchuck (lv.68) Stats: HP: medium-high MP: medium Strength: medium-low Defense: medium-low Speed: high Intellect: high Luck: medium-high Useless Stat: low Self-Esteem: ** Description: Jimbo, furious at seeing Jeff a secret character instead of him, did everything he could to get in the next Life of Bob. Everything from offering to perform sexual favors (just say NO!) to threatning Bobby, and finally, it worked. Here you are, Jimbo. YOU HAPPY!? Analysis: In the short time that Jeff is part of the party, Jimbo is awesome, especially because of the Midgar Combo 231 (who am I kidding? ONLY because of the Midgar Combo 231!). His abilities are pretty good, and you'll have to rely on them, since his stats basically don't work well for physical warfare. Once Jeff leaves, Midgar Combo 231 is still good, but really loses its awesome edge. ***JEFE*** Name: Jeffery Faden Age: 15 Weapon: Spum Special Ability: Midgar Combo 231 Normal Abilities: Spum Mallet (lv.1), Spum Beam (lv.7), Ego Rush (lv.19), Spum Spum (lv.31), Ego Charge (lv.42), Hot Spum (lv.45), The Living Spum (lv.50), Luminaire (lv.54) Stats: HP: medium-high MP: medium Strength: medium-low Defense: medium-low Speed: high Intellect: high Luck: medium-high Useless Stat: low Self Esteem: ********* Description: Jefe, the other owner of the Midgar Swamp (Jimbo being the first), is also known as Jeff - a secret member of Life of Bob (the original game). This time he's back, and he's dragged along Jimbo with him. Or... maybe it was the other way around. In either case, be careful - Jefe's ego is a powerful force... perhaps too powerful... Analysis: Jefe's stats are rather decent. In fact, they're exactly like James'. Meant mostly for swiftly using his abilities rather than physically attacking. Also, in the short time you have him, he's capable of using the Midgar Combo 231, for amazing damage against any single opponent. He's pretty good when you got him. Also, his self esteem is by far the best in the game (10% chance of instant revival!), and you'll find this to be extremely helpful in the few fights he's in. ***RAGNAROSEN*** Name: Ragnarosen Age: 19 Weapon: Sword Special Ability: Creation Normal Abilities: Spicule (lv.1) Stats: HP: medium-low MP: high Strength: medium-high Defense: medium-high Speed: medium-low Intellect: high Luck: medium-high Useless Stat: medium-high Self Esteem: ** Description: Ragnarosen is the other character you can enlist in the IAQ Club. He's the video game programming, IAQ writing, graphics designing, music making d00d with skillz far beyond anybody (and almost as good as Bobby!). His skills at video games are extremely useful, as all of his stats have been "saved state hacked" in order to make him even better. Analysis: Ragnarosen is really a great character. His stats are all really high, and his special ability is quite a bit like Schizophrenia (if not as potent). The only spell he gains is Spicule; but this is the third strongest spell in the game. And the fact that he learns it so early makes it even more useful. Only pick Jimbo or Jefe if you want to go through the Midgar Swamp subquest - Ragnarosen is your man when it comes to good characters! ***BUZZ BUZZ*** Name: Buzz Buzz Age: ?? Weapon: Stinger Special Ability: PSI Teleport Normal Abilities: PSI Fire (lv.1), PSI Freeze (lv.1), PSI Thunder (lv.1), PSI Shield (lv.1) Stats: HP: low MP: high Strength: low Defense: low Speed: high Intellect: high Luck: high Useless Stat: high Self-Esteem: **** Description: Buzz Buzz is, as many people may recognize his name (or at least his attacks), from EarthBound. Apparently, after being mistaken for a dung beetle and being smashed by Pokey's girlfriend (or was it his mom?), he lost his memory. All he knows is something about a legendary boy with a hat, and some kind of rock that records music. Mistaking Bobby for this boy, Buzz Buzz joins the team! Analysis: Whoa. You know when, in many video games, you fight a very difficult boss who ends up joining your team later? Although, in order to keep a decent balance, loses his best attacks/high stats? That's the case with Buzz Buzz. Except, he keeps the high stats and awesome abilities. His defense and HP are VERY low (a maxiumum of 10 for each!), and he can't equip anything different, but his evade is so high, I've never seen him get hit, except when he did. His speed and intellect is also through the roof, enough to wipe out the entire enemy before anybody can blink. DEFINITELY an excellent character! ***CLOUD*** Name: Cloud Strife Age: 20 Weapon: Buster Sword Special Ability: Headache Normal Abilities: Braver (lv.1), Cross-slash (lv.1), Blade Beam (lv.1), Climhazzard (lv.1), Meteorain (lv.1), Finishing Touch (lv.1), Omnislash (lv.1), Cherry Blossom (lv.1) Stats: HP: medium MP: low Strength: high Defense: medium-high Speed: medium-low Intellect: low Luck: low Useless Stat: low Self Esteem: * Description: Yes, you read it correctly. Cloud Strife, the main character from Final Fantasy 7, is here in Life of Bob. God, why? He is a "serious" character (not understanding that this is a humurous game), he's been in enough games as it is (FF7, FFT, Ergheiz, etc), and in battle... Analysis: Please, take him away. Of the two secret characters, Cloud is by far at the opposite end of the spectrum than Buzz Buzz. He starts off at a feeble level 1 (when everybody is somewhere in the 50's or 60's!), he can't change his crap equipment, and even when you DO level him up, he's disgustingly weak. Especially for a secret character. And don't get me started on his Special! **************** *6. Walkthrough* **************** The game begins with a blank screen. Suddenly, an FMV starts of a huge Mr. Saturn with glasses and a black hat staring at you. He takes up the entire screen, and asks you a few questions. Answer them however you'd like - some don't matter, but others really change later aspects of the game. BOBCFED08: WHAT is your name? (You are prompted to name the main character - the default name is "Bobby". Only makes sense, seeing as how this is the Life of Bob) BOBCFED08: WHAT is your quest? (You can answer 'To save the world!', 'To live one more day of my miserable existance...', or 'To find the Holy Grail!'. It doesn't matter which you pick) BOBCFED08: WHAT is your favorite color? (You can pick black, white, blue, or yellow. This picks what color your menus will be. Do yourself a favor and don't pick white or yellow. The text is white. This will make it very hard, if not impossible, to read what's going on) BOBCFED08: What is your favorite holiday? (You can pick 'Festivus', 'Halloween', or 'My Birthday!'. These will influence a scene later in the game) BOBCFED08: Do these pants make me look fat? (You can pick 'Yes', 'No', or 'You're not wearing any pants'. This has no impact on anything) BOBCFED08: What is thy promise? (You can pick 'Honor', 'Revenge', or 'Victory'. This has no effect on the game) BOBCFED08: What is thy offering? (You can pick 'Honor', 'Revenge', or 'Victory'. This has no effect on the game) BOBCFED08: What is thy sacrifice? (You can pick 'Honor', 'Revenge', or 'Victory'. This has no effect on the game) BOBCFED08: Would you like to play the game, now? (Pick 'Yes' to continue with the game. Select 'No' to be taken to the Game Over screen) The rest of the game begins very similarly to the opening of Life of Bob. An FMV of Bobby's room (the room is very bland and empty, unlike the room in the original game) opens, and you see Bobby sleeping under his blankets of his bed. In his room, there is nothing but two windows, the bed he is sleeping on, and the alarm clock. After a few seconds, the alarm clock goes off, waking Bobby up, and ending the FMV. The alarm is deafeningly loud, no matter what the volume of your TV is (even if it's on mute!). I'm not sure how they did this, but I really hate it. Bobby still lays on his bed, and you have to get him off. Tap either left or right on your direction pad to get him to roll over in either direction. If you do it enough, he'll roll off the bed, waking him up. The alarm is still on through all this, and won't stop (through the entire game!) until you go and turn it off. For the love of all that's good and pure, please do so. As in the previous game, Bobby is already fully dressed and equipped with all his starting items. Go downstairs, where Dad and Kerri are seated at the table, and Jaspen the dog is running circles around you. DAD: Here, Bobby, sit down and have some breakfast! BOBBY: N-No thanks, Dad. I-I'll j-just eat a p-p-pop-tart on my-my way to th-the bus stop. KERRI: Now that you're part of an actual family, you can't eat on the run. You have meals with everybody, be happy, and talk. BOBBY: Aw, c-c'mon! DAD: Now, Bobby. BOBBY: D-Damnit. Homeless k-kids don't know what th-they're m-missing. F-Familys suck! Bobby joins the table and eats his breakfast (I can't make out what's on the table... looks like an inside out pig face, but I'm not sure) quickly. BOBBY: Th-there, I'm d-done now. You kn-know, it's n-not like I ever really even eat b-breakfast NORMALLY! Why is t-today any different? DAD: Instead of answering that, I'm going to ask you a favor. Go into the laundry room, Bobby, and get me a hammer for no apparent reason. BOBBY: N-No! P-p-please, Dad, that's where the b-beast lives! I-I can't face the evil of K-Kitters! KERRI: Oh, quit whining. Kitters isn't THAT bad. DAD: Here, take Jaspen with you. He can help you out, you wuss. Go and talk to Japsen (who had lain down and started sleeping during the conversation), and in a very EarthBound-like way, he'll join your party as a temporary guest. You can't control him, and he isn't really that much of a help, but little is better than none, right? The only door that isn't closed is where you should go. The Laundry Room is rather dark, but it isn't impossible to make out the shapes of walls and the like that'll get in your way. (The Laundry Room is bigger than the rest of Bobby's house and his room put together! Weird...) The enemies are extremely weak, you should be able to take them out in one or two hits. Level Bobby up once or twice at the entrance of the Laundry Room (you can heal yourself at the bathroom right outside) before you venture further in. There's no treasure or anything of importance in the Laundry Room, except for the Hammer. It's right next to the boss, so make sure you heal up with the few items you start with before picking it up. BOBBY: Yes! I've got the h-hammer, a-and without even m-meeting up w-with K-Kitters. ???: Meow. BOBBY: O-Oh no! I-It's Kitters! The screen pans to the right to show you a box with a cat, and four kittens, laying in it. KITTERS: Meow. BOBBY: K-Kitters, I c-can explain! D-Dad w-wanted me to f-find this hammer, and h-he... I tr-tried to c-convince him n-not to p-put me in here! KITTERS: HISSSSS! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Kitters HP: 120 XP: 200 MP: 0 GP: 150 Element: None (weak to attacks from Jaspen) Attacks: Scratch, Hiss, Bite Tips: Just keep attacking. Kitters isn't really too tough, she's mostly just an introduction to boss battles in Life of Bob. You can normally run away from any battle (without fail), but not bosses. Other than the different music playing, it's the same as a normal battle (as far as rules applying). Kitters' three attacks aren't too strong, and Hiss has a chance of making Bobby Frightened. If you leveled up once or twice, you won't even need the healing items you start with. And Jaspen's chance of attacking is very rare. He mostly just cowers in the corner, frightened. ****************** KITTERS: Meow. BOBBY: O-OH Y-Y-YEAH! Who's th-the man, HUH!? KITTERS: ... ... ...hiss. BOBBY: J-Jesus! Don't worry about any wounds suffered in the last battle; you won't have to fight your way out of the Laundry Room, Bobby automatically runs out at top speed, and gives the hammer to his Dad. BOBBY: S-See ya Dad! Then he leaves. The screen pans up to Kerri and Dad. KERRI: He defeated the Power of Satan... DAD: Yes. Kitters is no feeble kitten. Bobby's strength is overwhelming. KERRI: He is the destined child. DAD: He is the one meant to save the world. KERRI: ...again. DAD: He is a danger to our power. To us. KERRI: Let us... prepare... DAD: Let us... eat some bacon... (the screen fades out with evil laughter) You now control Bobby, outside of his house (remember this? It's the same bus stop from Life of Bob). Jaspen is no longer in your party, but all of your HP/MP was restored from your battle with Kitters. There are very few enemies in the bus stop, and it's fairly linear which way to go - the right. The high school bus stop is very different from the middle school one. There are people smoking, two kids making out next to the tree (sometimes it's a boy and a girl - other times it's a girl and a giant wad of rubberbands. I think this is a glitch), graffiti all over the street, etc. As soon as you enter the bus stop, one of the smoking kids approaches you. SMOKEY: Hey, you gotta cigarette? BOBBY: Yeah, l-lemme just check my p-pockets... oh, r-right! I d-d-don't smoke! J-Just like yesterday. And the d-day before! SMOKEY: Hey, are you making fun of me? BOBBY: W-Why would somebody as small a-as I m-make fun of s-somebody as b-big as you? SMOKEY: Hey, you are making fun of me! BOBBY: N-No k-kidding? W-Well what do ya kn-know! SMOKEY: Hey, you're toast! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Smokey HP: 1000 XP: 1000 MP: 100 GP: 500 Element: None Attacks: Pound, Blow Smoke in Your Face, Take a Drag Tips: It would take quite a bit of levelling up to beat this boss. Fortunately, you don't have to. If you just stay alive for enough rounds, the bus pulls up. The fight breaks up so you can both enter (the following cinema scene will happen in either case). If you do want to beat him, I suggest levelling up a lot outside of your house, where you can easily heal up. Pound does rather moderate damage, but Blow Smoke in Your Face is of the Venom element, and has a chance (a very small one) of poisoning you. Take a Drag heals him for almost 200 HP, but leaves him in the Stoned status (so it more than makes up for it on your side!). Once you beat him, if you can before the bus comes (if you can at ALL), you get a load of XP. Of course, if you're at a high enough level to beat Smokey, you really don't need this much... ****************** SMOKEY: Hey, don't think this is the last time we meet. I'll beat you up after school! BOBBY: Sh-should I have m-my people contact yours a-and make th-the arrangements? SMOKEY: Hey, just shut up before I pound you! BOBBY: ... ... ... SMOKEY: Hey, that's better. The bus ride is long and uneventful. You can pass the time by staring out the window (switch to first person view when prompted). Unfortunately, the glass gets fogged up easily. I suggest just napping until the time passes. The bus slowing to a halt will wake you up. Or sometimes it doesn't and you stay on the bus even when the old hag bus driver departs from school. Don't worry, this rarely happens. There's a lot of people milling around when you get off the bus. Don't worry, most of them are heading in the same direction - the school's entrance. Just head in the same direction as them. When you enter the school, the computer takes over and moves Bobby up the stairs, to his first period class - French. First thing's first, you have to unload your backpack (you may notice that Bobby walks very, very slowly with it on). Just walk into the classroom that Bobby stops at and examine your desk (any desk, it doesn't matter). Bobby will drop his backpack with a heavy thud. You have plenty of time until your first period class actually starts, so just walk around. There's few people to talk to in your class at this time. Only Elmo (who is asleep) and Jake. You'll come across Jake a whole lot in your game, and you'll really learn to depend on him (and to hate him when he overcharges you in the middle of a long, arduous dungeon). He's the guy with s spikey hair, black sunglasses, and trench coat. Jake doesn't have much on him right now. However, he does have a better Yo-yo for Bobby, and some items you might want to stock up on. You have a boss fight coming up soon, and a quick dungeon. So buy the essential healing items and the like. I suggest not buying any drugs just yet. Go ahead and exit the class. Waiting for you outside the doors are your two loyal sidekicks Keary and James (yeah, right). JAMES: Bobby, you're a dick. KEARY: Bobby, what happens on the next Dragonall Z episode? Does Cell die? You've see the Japanese episodes, right? BOBBY: Hell t-to the bo-both of you, t-too. L-let's go w-walk around the school f-for no reason b-but to p-pass time. JAMES: Isn't that a bit too close to exercise for you, Bobby? BOBBY: Nah, I c-can d-d-deal with it. Just n-no running! This dungeons is really hard, so I've made a map of it. You shouldn't have any problem as long as you follow my map precisely! -------------------------------- | D | | -------------------------- | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | -------------------------- | | X > > > | -------------------------------- The X is where you start. To the south is French class, and to the West is down the stairs, back outside. You can't go up, because Bobby says 'but I wanna go the other way!!'. Just follow the arrows I've placed strategically along the map, and you should be fine. Along the way, you won't come across any random battles, but nearly everybody you see in the hallway will run up to you and initiate combat. Don't worry, they're really easy with three people. About halfway through, you'll come across Dan. DAN: Hey, guys. I'm going to walk with you, OK? JAMES: Go away, dumbass. DAN: Up yours, James! JAMES: *whines* You're not coming to my Dungeons and Dragons party now! KEARY: *snickers* BOBBY: D-Dan, we're b-busy walking around a-aimlessly. S-Sorry. DAN: I won't take this. Die! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Dan HP: 600 XP: 500 MP: 70 GP: 500 Element: None Attacks: Gel Hair, Lanky Arms, Eth Tips: This battle is pretty easy with your three party members. His attack Gel Hair just rams one person with the mousse-hardened hair on his dead, which has a chance of Startling them. Lanky Arms is an attack in which Dan shakes one of his arms to hit all party members multiple times. Don't worry, the cumulative damage per person is still less than what a normal hit would be. Still, it's best to be prepared to heal after this. Eth is just an attack in which Dan says everything ending in "-eth" (wonder where he got this?) that Pisses Off Bobby and Confuses James and Keary. This one's kind of difficult to deal with, but he rarely uses it. ****************** DAN: I shall retreat for now... but you haven't seen the last of me! (Dan runs away) BOBBY: Ten bucks say we never see him again. JAMES: You're on. The bell rings, and Bobby has to go back to class or else he'll be late. Just head back to the room, you have infinite time. The hallway is now filled with random battles, but they're about as difficult and common as the fixed ones from before. As soon as you enter the class, Bobby takes his seat. The bell rings again, and Mr. Yinger walks into the class. YINGER: Bonjour, class. From now on, I'll speak only francais, OK? CLASS: *mumblemumble* YINGER: Excellent! OK, then. Now I'm going to teach you. Blah, blah, blah French... This goes on for a while. If you chose to sit in the back of the room, I highly suggest that you sleep or something. Otherwise, you can hear about stem-roots, Père Noël, and the verb 'boire'. After a while, though, he'll just stop talking. This is when you're supposed to be doing your work. Of course, since you didn't hear him (even if you weren't sleeping), you can't do anything. Just wait a few minutes, or go back to sleep. Soon, Mr. Yinger will focus his attentions on you. YINGER: Cédric! What are you doing? BOBBY: Huh? A-Am I s-supposed to be d-doing w-work or something? YINGER: How dare you undermine my authority! I am the teacher here, and I tell you what to do! BOBBY: W-What the h-hell are you talking a-about? YINGER: And now you curse at me! I won't allow it! BOBBY: S-Somebody's got an e-ego problem... YINGER: And now you shall see it's true power! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Mr. Yinger HP: 955 XP: -- MP: 85 GP: -- Element: None Attacks: French Speak, Navy Training, Ego Strike Tips: This battle's kind of hard. The attack French Speak confuses everybody in your team, without fail. I don't know what it is exactly that he says, perhaps somebody could translate it for me? "Le jambon est mon jeu de cire de tortue de disk, tu barde spoony!" His attack Navy Training unleashes a barrage of military attacks on one person, for pretty hefty damage (unless you've been building up your levels like a good boy). He doesn't use Ego Strike until you've dealt the 955 damage to him. When he does, it lowers all your party member's HP to 1. ***************** YINGER: Now leave me alone. I must go stroke my ego. Mr. Yinger goes back to his desk. Bobby tells himself that if he only knew enough French, he could humiliate his teacher in front of the class and damage his ego enough to make him defeatable in battle (why, exactly, they're fighting isn't ever really stated). Go back to your desk for now. Behind your desk are a bunch of books written in French. There's a dozen of them, all together. Go and read them (they only give you a short passage from each book, but it's still lengthy) to start a cinema. You only need to read five. I read "Le Compte de Monte Cristo", "Les Trois Mousqutaires", "100 Voies de Peler un Chat", "Accroché sur Phonics", and "La Ferme D'Animaux". BOBBY: Whoa, those b-books are p-pretty c-cool. Especially Le C-Compte de M-Monte Cristo. Il a v-vraiment donné un c-coup de p-pied l'âne! Hey... I c-can speak F-French now! KEARY: What'd he say? JAMES: I don't know. French is a pansey's language. I took Spanish. A cool FMV plays of Bobby looking around, a bit confused at first, then is engulfed in a really bright black light. When the light clears, he is gone. Standing in place is the french speaking Cédric, a man with a wierd handlebar mustache, a purple beret, and miscellaneous other fruity colored French clothing. He's holding a long loaf of bread. JAMES: B...Bobby? CÉDRIC: Non, je m'appelle Cédric! Je suis une partie du psyche du Bobby. KEARY: Wh... what? CÉDRIC: Heh, heh... J'ai pensé que le était celui qui était censé bégayer! This said, Cédric begins to walk towards Mr. Yinger's desk. About halfway up, somebody steps in his way. It is Elmo. ELMO: Bobby... I don't know what just happened to you right now, but I can tell one thing. You want to beat up Mr. Yinger. CÉDRIC: Oui... ELMO: Let me help you! I want him dead as much as you. I am Elmo. KEARY: Elmo? Hahahaha! (Elmo takes out a gun and shoots Keary in the head, killing him instantly) JAMES: Oh my god, you killed Keary! CÉDRIC: Vous hybride! Elmo joins your party now. Make sure to revive Keary, because he *was* just killed. Once everybody is all healed up and happy, advance towards Mr. Yinger again. YINGER: What? Have you not learned your lesson from before?? CÉDRIC: Pas piss j'hors fonction, Yinger! Je puis parler meilleur francais que vous jamais volotée, maintenant! YINGER: What, the...? CÉDRIC: Maintenant matrice, chienne! YINGER: Mon ego is still more powerful than the likes of you, even with your new-found French speaking abilities! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Mr. Yinger/Yinger's Ego HP: 955/1200 XP: 1000 MP: 85/100 GP: 750 Element: None/Iron Attacks: French Speak, Navy Training, Ego Strike Tips: This is the first battle you fight with all four possible party members, so use them fully to your advantage. This battle's pretty difficult, especially since there are two bosses you must face. You have to take out Yinger's Ego first, or else he'll just heal Mr. Yinger whenever he dies. Mr. Yinger still uses French Speak and Navy Training, but French Speak no longer confuses Bobby (as Cédric). Bobby can't transform out of his Cédric persona, but you really shouldn't need to. Yinger's Ego does the attack Ego Strike very rarely, and it does a lot less damage (even though it DOES hurt a lot). Yinger's Ego is suspectible to attacks from Cédric, so just have him attack as much as possible (unless you want to use support magic, first). As soon as Yinger's Ego is destroyed, it pops like the big metal balloon it is. From there, it's easy (or at least, easier) to defeat Mr. Yinger. ***************** YINGER: I don't get it... my ego was so powerful... how? CÉDRIC: Je donne un coup de pied juste que beaucoup d'ane. Les huées... vient ici Bobby! (Cédric transforms back into Bobby) BOBBY: Whoa... th-that was c-cool! (The bell rings, and everybody but your party and Jake leaves) JAMES: What happened? BOBBY: I-It seems there are s-some p-p-people living inside m-my head. ELMO: Sounds like a case of schizophrenia, to me. KEARY: No, it's just multiple personalities. BOBBY: Y-Yeah. But s-somehow, once I've u-unlocked them, th-they c-c-can manifest th-themselves physically i-in my b-body. I can't r-really explain it w-well. Maybe I-I'm just c-cool that way. JAMES: Not cool, exactly. More like wierd. BOBBY: W-Whatever. You know control Bobby again. You may notice that his Schizphrenia special ability is now able to be used on the map. Go ahead and turn into Cédric and talk to some of the people around you to gain some good items and money. With this new money, go ahead and talk to Jake (you need to transform back into Bobby). He will offer you some decent items, and a better controller and telephone for Keary and James. Buy the telephone, but don't worry about the controller. You'll get one for free, soon. Now go into the hallway. The random battles are handled the sameway the first time you entered the hallway - people will come up to you every once in a while and start a fight. Keep yourself healed in crowded rooms, because sometimes you can fight two or even three battles in a row. Go around the hallway a few times in the same direction I you did when you first fought Dan. You have to do it a few times. The number is random in each game, but don't expect it to be too much more than five or six loops. After wandering in that direction for long enough, Bobby will admit to being lost. BOBBY: I-I'm l-l-lost. You will automatically set up camp. This is really wierd since this is the first and only time you'll ever set up camp - and it's in the bathroom. I guess I can understand this, since bathrooms are where your party heal up and the like, but still... Go ahead and try to get some sleep. You can do this either on the floor, in one of the stalls, or one the big feather bed set up against the wall. I don't understand this either, but hell, if there's a bed in the bathroom - you sleep in it! Anyway, you'll be woken up moments later (hours later, in game time) by Elmo holding some squirming kid up against the wall. ELMO: Bobby, this kid tried to assassinate you with a piece of soggy cardboard. KEARY: Oh my god! The bastard! JAMES: Hahaha... your name is "Elmo" (with one hand, Elmo instantly kills James) BOBBY: E-Elmo, would you m-mind not d-d-doing that a-anymore? ELMO: Sorry. BOBBY: S-So who is i-it? KEARY: It appears to be... a moron. MORON: My name is Dan, stupid! (Elmo is about to instantly kill Dan, but Bobby holds him back) BOBBY: H-Hold on a s-sec, Elmo. L-Let's see w-what he has t-t-to say. DAN: I told you I'd be back! And I mean to kill you, too! BOBBY: I-Is this g-g-going to be a n-normal thing, D-Dam? DAN: Most likely. BOBBY: Th-thanks for k-killing James f-for me, Elmo. O-Otherwise, I'd owe h-him t-ten dollars! ELMO: It's what I do. DAN: Stop ignoring me! I'll kill you! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Dan HP: 1500 XP: 1010 MP: 99 GP: 500 Element: None Attacks: Gel Hair, Lanky Arms, Eth, Blood Angles Tips: This battle is about the same as the last one. Most of Dan's attacks are the same, but he does gain one new one. Blood Angles attacks everybody for iron type damage with little pewter figurines shaped like bloody angles. Don't ask. You'll have to revive James with an item if you plan on using him or gaining any XP because, well, Elmo *did* just kill him. I found Elmo's punch to be particularly useful, and now's a good time to test out Bobby's schizophrenia transformation. For defeating Dan, you'll recieved a map to the school, and a new controller for Keary. Equip is as soon as you can before you forget. ****************** DAN: Goddamnit. BOBBY: W-we beat y-you AGAIN! S-s-s-s-s-sweeeet! DAN: This isn't the last time we battle! I'll be back! (Dan runs away) ELMO: Eh. JAMES: What do you mean, 'Eh'!? You just killed me!! Oh, yeah, by the way Bobby, you owe be ten bucks. BOBBY: E-Elmo, d-do your th-thing! (Elmo instantly kills James) The screen fades out, and fades back in where it's morning the next day. Well, sort of. Time hasn't changed at all, even though you spent the night in the bathroom. Whatever. Use the map to find your next class. It shouldn't be too hard... you know the flashing red dot with the words "BOBBY'S NEXT CLASS" written next to it? Go there. The random battles have become a bit more difficult, but with the levels you've gained fighting Dan and Mr. Yinger's Ego, they shouldn't pose too much of a problem. Along the way, if you see a girl with red and black hair, talk to her! LYNDZEE: *headbutts Bobby* Hey, Bobby! BOBBY: O-Ow! W-what was that f-for? LYNDZEE: Because my cat is a retard. If you flick it in the head, it makes funny sounds. And it drools. BOBBY: W-well, m-m-my cat is S-Satan, I s-swear to g-god! B-Besides, the c-cat at m-my other h-house is r-r-retarded. A-And I h-have gh-ghost l-living in my r-room! Th-they hate me b-because I m-made fun o-o-of their m-mom. LYNDZEE: I like these meaningful conversations about evil/retarded cats and pissed off ghosts. Here, Jake said to give you this! (Recieved Lyndzee Bromide) LYNDZEE: Don't think this is like Lunar, though. You've only got the one bromide. (The Lyndzee Bromide is a picture of... well, let's just say it's not for kids. In fact, the game makes a retinal scan through your fingers that can instantly tell how old you are, what your favorite color, and a couple embarassing other things. You won't be able to look at it if you're below the age of 89 (and by then, you an hardly look at anything). The bromide can either be looked at, put in a picture frame that you'll get from you room much later on, or sold to Jake for a _LOT_ of money. It's your decision) Now continue to second period. Waiting for you will be your next teacher, Mrs. Foster. She is prancing around singingy happily, little squirrels and rabbits dancing with her. Talk to her for your assignment for this class (the game won't continue until you do your class assignment). BOBBY: M-Mrs. Foster, w-what do I h-h-have to do t-today? MRS FOSTER: Write a poem, Bobby! On happiness! A happy poem! Tra la la! BOBBY: ...y-yeah... s-sure... You now have to write a poem! This is a real pain in the ass, actually, because you're given nothing but a keyboard on the screen and you have to select the letters to form words using your controller. It takes a long while. The better it is, though, the better of an item you'll get for it. I'm not sure how it's graded (it doesn't seem to be done in time or length or anything... how!?), but here is the rubric: 90-100: Fireball 80-89: PhonicsBook 70-79: Porta Potty 60-69: Band-aid 0-59: Nothing Obviously, the higher score you get, the better item you recieve. So write as good of a poem as you can! If you're having trouble... I dunno, just steal it from a book or something. The rest of the class is pretty boring. You're supposed to be doing vocabulary work, but Bobby has already done all his (stupid dork finishes his work a helluva long time before he needs to). You can either walk around the classroom fighting random battles (suggested if your fight with Dan was a bit difficult), or just nap. Mrs. Foster won't notice you, even if you do it in the front of the class! After the exciting second period (where you expecting another ego battle?), leave the classroom. Use Bobby's map again, and the blinking light will have changed to his third period class. Just continue in that direction. About halfway through, you'll enter a cinema scene where the background music changes into that of Kahn's Theme from Breath of Fire IV. After a few moments of Bobby and his friends wondering where the music is coming from (they don't seem to notice any other background music for some reason), something will fall out of the sky. Something big, orange, and misshapen. It is Warm-Aid, the Kool-Aid guy's deformed bastard child. WARM-AID: Bobby! Do you know who I am? BOBBY: Sh-should I? WARM-AID: No. BOBBY: Th-then why the h-h-hell did you e-even ask, y-you d-deformed f-freak!? WARM-AID: I dunno. BOBBY: ... Uh, can I h-help you w-w-with s-something? WARM-AID: I am Warm-Aid! BOBBY: Th-that's nice. WARM-AID: It is my duty to inform you that you are the destined girl, Bobby! BOBBY: B-boy. WARM-AID: You are the destined, boy, Bobby, the one meants to destroy the ultimate evil! You must side with the squirrels to defeat the blue jays and their evil, unknown leader! BOBBY: S-Squirrels and b-b-blue jays? Are th-they gangs o-or something? WARM-AID: No, nimrod, they're animals. BOBBY: You kn-know, I-I've al-already saved the w-world once. I-Isn't that enough. WARM-AID: Of course not! For you are the destined girl! BOBBY: Boy. WARM-AID: Whatever. ???: Hey, wait a minute! The screen pans over to show Dan, who's balancing on another kid's shoulders (the kid looks really pained right now) with his arms crossed, trying to look cool. He flips over to where the party is gathered, talking to Warm-Aid. DAN: This is not a parody of Beath of Flams, it's a blatant rip-off! BOBBY: Wh-what the h-hell are you t-talking about, Dan? DAN: The squirrels and blue jays are obviously supposed to be Spam and Jello, and Warm-Aid is taking over where Kool-Aid was in Beath! Stop copying, you copier! BOBBY: I w-won't take this. E-Elmo! ELMO: *steps up* Muahahaha... ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: Dan HP: 300 XP: 700 MP: 99 GP: 600 Element: None Attacks: Gel Hair, Lanky Arms, Eth, Blood Angles, STOP Copying Tips: You fight this battle alone as Elmo. It's really not difficult, even though Dan still has all his old abilities and a new one. STOP Copying mimics the last move done by one of your party. (odd that he says to stop copying, then DOES copy). Just use Punch a few times. Don't worry about Dan's other attacks, his stats have been severely dropped for this one on one battle. Just keep punching, and a few physical attacks to finish him off. ****************** DAN: Why do I always lose? Can what that dragon-master said be true...? Do I not love and trust my Pokémon enough? JAMES: What the hell are you talking about? DAN: I'll be back! And I'll be stronger than ever, next time! BOBBY: C-Could you n-not, though? This is g-getting r-really old. (Dan runs away) KEARY: Hey... where's Warm-Aid? JAMES: He's gone! BOBBY: I wonder... wh-what was h-he t-talking about? D-Destined g-girl - ELMO: Boy. BOBBY: - d-destined boy, s-squirrels and blue j-jays? Oh, w-well. Let's j-just go to c-c-class. As usual, check Bobby's map. It should tell you which way to go. Although this one is a bit more difficult, since you can't go directly to your class (teachers will tell you that they won't allow you to go through their classrooms). So you'll have to spend a while going around all of these classrooms. There's a good chance you'll be late, too. In the class, whether you're late or not (if you're late, there are punks blocking your way who'll only let you buy if you give them all your money - so don't be on time!!), you'll see the following scene take place in the front of the classroom. There are two kids pushing around Matt Beziat, who has NO relation to Batt Meziat, the evil warlord of destruction, who tried to destroy the world in Life of Bob. Please ignore any coincidental similarities. MATT: ERROR. KIDA: Shut up, Matt! (pushes Matt) MATT: INCORRECT. KIDB: He said shut up! (shoves Matt) MATT: You see, what happens is, you deserve a day in ALC! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: KidA/KidB HP: ---- XP: --- MP: -- GP: --- Element: None Attacks: Push/Shove Tips: This doesn't really count, it's just a scripted battle. And unfortunately, you don't get to hear any of Matt's really cool comebacks (like ERROR and INCORRECT). Instead, KidA and KidB use Push and Shove on you (as Matt alone). Matt, infuriated, yells "DO YOU LIKE DUMBFUCK!?" and automatically casts the spell "Sundoodles", wiping out all the enemies. ****************** BOBBY: H-h-ho...h-h-h- JAMES: Holy crap! BOBBY: Y-Yeah. (Bobby and company approach Matt) BOBBY: Matt, w-with the p-p-power of your S-Sundoodles - MATT: NO! NO! BOBBY: W-What? MATT: You see, what happens it, do you think it would be funny if we dumped SLIME on all of the GIRLS? KEARY: UMNO BOBBY: Uh, M-Matt, h-how would y-you like to j-j-join us? W-We're a travelling p-p-party meant to s-save the world from an army of f-fighting blue j-jays and s-squirrels! MATT: Do you like it when people get EEEEEE's on their quiiiizeeeess? BOBBY: ... ... ... JAMES: (Bobby, I'm not sure he's right in the head.) BOBBY: (No shit, Sh-Sherlock.) KEARY: (Aren't parenthesis reserved for thought bubbles, instead of whispers?) BOBBY: (Sh-Shut up, RAGNAROK.) ELMO: (...) KEARY: (Gee, sorry... no need to get snarky on me!) JAMES: (What's snarky?) KEARY: (Hey, I'm the only person who knows what snarky means, damnit!) JAMES: (Now you're the snarky one.) KEARY: (Hey! Only I can say snarky!) JAMES: (Since when?) BOBBY: (W-will you b-both shut up? I th-think Matt's j-j-joined our party.) ELMO: (Matt seems to think we're his friends because he talked to him that once. Way to go, Bobby.) BOBBY: (I must h-have the p-p-power of S-Sundoodles!) KEARY: (Can we stop talking like this?) The scene ends with everybody going to their seats. And then... your teacher walks in. Your teacher can be one of three people. The pregnant Mrs. Carlson, the woman with a striking resemblance to Mrs. Zingaro (her name is Mrs. Mahoney), or Mr. Chaney. If you want to do the Sub Nazi sub-quest later on (err... not recommended for aspiring Neo Nazis, though), then make sure Mr. Chaney is your teacher. If you want to gain some GP and XP right now though, pick Mrs. Carlson. If you want an easy classroom, make sure your teacher is Mrs. Mahoney. It's random each time, so if you really want one teacher over the other, you might have to replay the scene with Matt. I'll write the scenario for each teacher. ***MRS. CARLSON***** ********************* *7. Normal Abilities* ********************* NAME MP DESCRIPTION 25 HIT COMBO!!! 50 Hits random enemies 25 times for a little more than half the strength of a normal attack aaAAAAAAA 10 Inflicts target with Frightened ALLLL YOU CAN! 45 A cheap imitation of the famous Street Fighter "Shoryuken" Annoy 10 Lowers attack and defense ANOTHER DIMENSION 30 Instant death attack to one target Aurora Feyrandis 45 Cures decent amount of HP to all allies and raises all dead allies with half their maximum HP Bakaretsuken 40 Hits random enemies random times for very strong damage BERZREK 15 Inflicts target with Berzerk Bharul 20 Attacks all enemies Biens 15 Inflicts target with DefenseUP Bigger Heal 30 Heals for quite a few HP Birdie 10 Flicks opponenet off; Casts Pissed Off Bitch Slap 35 Always goes first, does mild damage; chance of Startle, Pissed Off Blade Beam 20 Moderate non-elemental damage to all enemies Bobby's Stepmom 60 Uses Bobby's bottled stepmother to cast all negative status ailments on all enemies Borrow Money 40 Raises HP and stats slightly, takes away 10% HP from everybody in party Braver 05 Does moderate physical damage BURN IN HELL, SINNERS!!! 60 Does massive damage to all enemies Cat 15 Moderate damage to target enemy CATN SEE HAHAHA!!!!!11 10 Inflicts target with Blind Cash 30 Does damage equal to money spent Cherry Blossom 90 Attacks all enemies with power of cherry blossoms (?) Climhazzard 35 Strong physical damage to one enemy Coinage Gun 60 Does double damage equal to money spent CONFZUZLE 10 Inflicts target with Confused Couche 20 Inflicts target with Shell Cross-slash 15 Does moderate physical damage, chance of Stop Cure C 45 Cures all allies for moderate damage Death Ball 48 Charges for one round, then throws for strong damage to opponent Destructo Disk 57 Does low damage; lowers Strength and Defense (a lot!) Don't Care 25 On account of not giving a damn, all status ailments dealt to user for next three rounds take no effect Double Pants 20 Being too good to wear only one pair of pants, user's defense rises; can only be used once per battle Draw Image 15 Creates replica of low-level monster to aid in battle Dumb Fuck 40 Does high damage to opponent, but casts Regen on them Easily Pissed Off 15 Does extremely high damage to all enemies; Pisses Off user Ego Charge 40 Is surrounced by a huge smiley face, then rolls around all enemies for moderate damage Ego Rush 20 Completely heals user; enters Berzerk state ERROR 45 Instant death attack to all Eruption Sword 20 Moderate non-elemental damage to all enemies, lowers defense Ether Breath 20 Brushes teeth with ether to unleash a breath capable of several status effects on one enemy Even Bigger Heal 40 Heals a lot of HP for all allies Exploding Pen 10 Does very weak damage; Blinds user and all enemies Falranic 20 Strong attack, small chance of instant death Fart 15 Does Air/Venom element damage Feyllation 35 Reduces enemy to 1 HP at the cost of the users life Finishing Touch 75 Strong non-elemental damage to all enemies; casts negative status effects Fire3 20 Does water elemental damage Flapper Tassels 99 Massive damage to all enemies, casts various negative status effects. Can only be used once "BobCFed08" is obtained Frikkin' Huge Heal 60 Heals a lot of HP to all allies Forte 20 Inflicts target with AttackUP Gay Bookbag 30 Backpack does moderate damage and Blinds opponents with sharply clashing colors Gargantuan Heal 60 Cures all HP of one target Glasses Fry 20 Directs UV rays from glasses to do fire damage to one opponent Glider Spike 20 Jumps high and misses a turn of combat, then strikes enemy with spear for devestating damage Golden Rain 35 Cures HP in amount that user has left Green Telephone 35 Does massive fire damage to one enemy Guérisseur 20 Inflicts target with Regen Gun Collection 70 Summons a lot of guns to do strong damage to all Harsh Insult 40 Does moderate damage to one enemy; Pisses Off all enemies, Hastes all allies Heal 10 Heals small amount of HP to one ally Here, Have Some Water 35 Cures a good amount of HP to one/all allies (you're prompted to target one or all allies upon use) Hot Spum 40 Heals a lot of HP to all allies; makes user Pissed Off IAQ Ideas 20 Pissed Off Bobby, puts user into Regen Jolt 15 Shakes up and throws a can of Jolt for weak damage to all enemies Kalif Wave 25 Cures all allies MP by exactly 20, give or take Kamehameha 20 Moderate damage to a single target Kiaitame 20 Increases attack power of all allies Lazer Pointer 15 Does slight damage, Blinds opponent; chance of confusion Luminaire 70 Strong non-elemental damage to all Magic Circle 20 Moderate non-elemental damage on all enemies, lowers intellect Magnets 10 Does moderate non-elemental damage to on target, siphons half HP dealt to Bobby Mammoth Heal 90 Cures all HP to all allies Meteorain 60 Strong non-elemental damage to all enemies Milky White 25 Does Milk element damage to one enemy Mind Spring 20 Heals 5% maximum MP to all allies MORON YOU ARE THE MORON 10 Inflicts target with Pissed Off YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DOEN'T BELEIV IN GOD Mud Bath 25 Does Mud element damage to one enemy Murder 99 Kills on enemy; drains all their HP Nap 25 Snoozes for 4 rounds, regains all HP (except damage done while sleeping) Nestea 50 Heals somebody for a lot with sweetened Brisk Iced Tea Omega Flare 25 Powerful non-elemental attack on all enemies Omnislash 80 Huge damage to one enemy Patented Bristles 10 Does decent damage; chance of confusion Play Karate 15 Confuses, Blinds, puts enemies to sleep Pocahontas 20 Raises all stats temporarily POISSIN 10 Poisons enemy Preach Atheism 15 Pisses Off target opponent Protègent 15 Casts Protect on target PSI Fire 25 Does massive fire damage to all enemies PSI Freeze 25 Does massive ice damage to all enemies PSI Thunder 25 Does massive lightning damage to all enemies PSI Shield 30 Covers all allies with a protective shield Pull Prank 40 Casts Annoyed and Happy! on Bobby and Keary only Punch 10 Does rather strong non-elemental damage Quantum Heal 35 Cures HP to all allies by the amount the user has left Reiki Wave 35 Cures HP to all allies by the amount the user has left Raging Winds 40 Does moderate fire damage to all enemies Rapidité 20 Inflicts targer with Haste Red Blood Pain Feast 40 Attacks random enemies a random amount of times for high Heha damage with a lowered accuracy rate Really Smart! 20 Raises Intellect Red Surge 25 Fire-elemental damage to all enemies Regenerate 80 Heals all HP to user (good chance of failure, though) Revivify 25 Raises on ally from death Ruppachuckchuckchuck 70 Strong damage to all enemies on screen Rude Uncalled-For 25 Raises attack, lowers defense and accuracy of opponent. If Comment they miss next attack, everybody points and laughs, further lowering their statistics Scary 40 Gives a scary glower; enemies' chance of targeting user greatly drops for duration of battle Screech 15 Wakes all allies, Startles opponents, makes James silent Seikenzuki 35 Does weak damage unless you tap X button right before you hit, in which you instantly kill enemy Silver Impulse 40 Hits random enemies random times for very strong damage Skates 15 Puts on skates; raises Speed Solar Flare 10 Blinds all but user Special Beam Cannon 25 Does high damage to a single target Spirit Bomb 75 Charges up for five rounds, then unleashes massive damage on all enemies Spum Mallet 05 Does weak damage to one enemy Spum Beam 15 Does weak damage to all enemies Spum Spum 20 Bounces off walls, randomly damaging allies/enemies Steal Heart 25 Confuses and steals money from all enemies Stridex Cutter 30 Uses trusty 'zit wipes' to attack one enemy Subtitles 70 Casts Confusion/Silence on all opponenets, Regen/Attack and Defense raised on all allies Suck-it 30 Makes opponent Pissed Off; does very little damage Talk Only With 60 User and Bobby both raise speed and attack power Abbreviations The Living Spum 60 Attacks enemy for extreme damage; revives one fallen all with as much HP as was dealt to enemy The-Super-Hyper-Ultra- 00 Instantly kills all enemies; never misses Power-Mega-Turbo- Attack Tie Shoes 05 Raises Speed on user; can only be used once That's Not What 15 Explains what schizophrenia really is; raises users Intellect Schizophrenia Means! but Pisses Off Bobby (for pointing out a flaw in his IAQ) Throw Gov't Book 20 Throws gigantic government book at enemy and does high damage Traitement 35 Inflicts target with Reraise Ultimate Antagonism 30 Focuses all attacks on one enemy to do double damage and recieve only half from that one enemy U NEDE TO GET A LIF LIEK 35 Inflicts target with Enfeebled EXRECISE OR SOMTIHNG ure stoopid 35 Inflicts target with Moronic Vacuum Sword 20 Moderate non-elemental damage on all, lowers attack Vampire Bite 50 Bites neck of enemy; sucks a lot of HP back to user Venom Spit 10 Does moderate Venom damage, chance of poison Warhammer 20 Attacks with a massive army of tiny plastic men (spell's use levels up as character levels up) Water 05 Does small Iron element damage WAT DID U SAY?????/ 10 Inflicts target with Silence Whirlwind Sword 20 Moderate non-elemental damage to all enemies, lowers speed ********************** *8. Special Abilities* ********************** ***BOBBY (SCHIZOPHRENIA)*** One of Boby's greatest abilities, on par only with Flapper Tassels and Sundoodles, is his schizophrenia (or for those not fluent in the English tongue - multiple personalities). There are five personalities in all, but four of them are mandatory for completing the game. Each one of them is unlocked in a different place - usually by completing a certain event or talking to a certain person. If used in battle, any of these personalities will transform Bobby into that persona for the rest of the battle. When this happens, all of his abilities are erased, and replaced with a new set of skills. If used on the field, Bobby transforms into the chosen personality for five minutes. In both situations, the cost of transformation is 0 MP, Bobby's appearance changes, and so does his weapon. Each personality gains a new weapon, but it always has the same base strength as the weapon Bobby had equipped before the transformation. The personalities are as follows: *Jesus Christ -Gained by defeating Sarah (Jesus Psycho) -Learns "Heal", "Bigger Heal", "Even Bigger Heal", "Frikkin' Huge Heal", "Gargantuan Heal", "Mammoth Heal", "Revivify", "BURN IN HELL, SINNERS!" -Bobby's replaced with a man in flowing white robes with brown, long hair and a beard -Weapon is a cross -Necessary to get by Religious Freak *Cédric -Gained by reading 5 books in French class -Learns "Rapidité", "Guérisseur", "Protèegent", "Couche", "Traitement", "Forte", "Biens" -Bobby grows a really wierd long mustache, wears a purple beret, and odd purple/yellow French clothing -Weapon is a long load of french bread -Neccessary for defeating Mr. Yinger's ego (Bobby speaks French while in this personality) *RedRum -Gained by watching "The Shinning" -Learns "Murder", (all stats except Intellect increase) -Transforms Bobby into the cool Wel from Xenogears (Redrum) -Weapon are his two huge claws -Necessary for mustering the energy to beat Xenogears and impress people *The Great Bug -Gained right before the fight with Faye -Learns "Fire3", "Water", "Raging Winds", "Green Telephone", "Fart", "Mud Bath", "Milky White", "Venom Spit" -Transforms Bobby into a praying mantis-like creature (like Zorak from Space Ghost) -Weapon is powerful bite with mandibles -Necessary for defeating Faye *BoB The DeM()/|/ - Gained in the battle to protect the Midgar Swamp (only if you picked Jimbo or Jefe from the IAQ Club) - Learns "POISSIN", "BERZREK", "CONFZUZLE", "CATN SEE HAHAHA!!!!!11", "MORON YOU ARE THE MORON YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DOENT BELIEVE IN GOD", "WAT DID U SAY?????/", "aaAAAAAAA", "ure stoopid", "U NEDE TO GET A LIF LIEK EXRECISE OR SOMTIHNG" - Transforms Bobby into... I'm not sure what the hell this is supposed to be! Just looks like some realy poorly drawn sprite - Weapon is a flame (as in - a rude email) - Unneccessary to complete the game *BobCFed08 -Gained by talking to BobCFed08 after obtaining all other personalities -Replaces Bobby's abilities with all those from his other personalities (and the coveted spell Flapper Tassles) -Transforms Bobby into a Mr. Saturn with hat and glasses -Attacks with a headbutt -Not necessary to complete the game Note that while only two personalities are actually NEEDED outside of battle, everybody will respond to a different personality differently, and some may give you valuable items or advice. It costs 0 MP, so really only takes time. And it can be kinda fun to hear what everybody has to say! (Yeah, for some kinda sick freak...) Also, just be warned - once Bobby gains all of his personalities (BobCFed08 included), he starts referring to himself in the plural form ("we" instead of "I"; "us" instead of "me", etc.). This doesn't change the storyline at all, but can get really annoying and difficult to understand at times. ***JAMES (COMBINATION)*** By far James' best ability, is the ability to make combination attacks out of any two characters present in the party. These combos can only be used in battle, but are almost always stronger than any normal abilities either person might have. They usually deal with raising stats, but some do normal damage or healing spells. While the combination does not use up any MP, if won't work if you use it too often. So I suggest using it only for bosses, or for some very difficult bad guys. Also, some people don't have any combos (usually secret characters). If this is the case, you'll be rewarded with the message "XXXX cannot form a combination!" The possible combinations are as follows: BOBBY + JAMES: Balloon Hammers (95%) Bobby and James spend one round blowing up two gigantic balloon hammers, then use them as weapons in battle. This raises their strength sometimes three or even four times what it normally is. BOBBY + JAMES: Powergamers (5%) Most definately the best Combination, but the hardest to get. Bobby and James dissapear from the battlefield for one round, then come back as TG Cid (from Final Fantasy Tactics) and Drizzt Do'Urden (from Baldur's Gate). Their equipment, abilities, and looks change to turn into these extraordinarily strong guys. BOBBY + KEARY: Hey, Faggot! Bobby and Keary get an opponents attention by calling them every possible form of the word "gay". Opponent loses a turn, get Pissed Off, and both Bobby and Keary gain Regen. BOBBY + ELMO: None BOBBY + RICHARD: Verbal Dan Scorching Bobby and Richard unleash a massive barrage of insults upon Dan, doing massive damage to all things with "Dan" in their name. Including Dan. This doesn't work if there are no Dans. BOBBY + RYAN: Flexed Arm Hang Bobby and Ryan spend a full minute hanging by a bar, keeping their head above it until their faces get red and their muscles turn to water. It takes one round to recover from the flexed arm hang, but their strength and defense raise pretty well for the rest of the battle. BOBBY + MATT: Flapper Doodles Only usable when Bobby has obtained Flapper Tassles and Matt, Sundoodles. The two join their attacks together to make one super attack. Unfortunately, this targets everybody on the screen, so it will most definitely kill everybody on your side, too. Don't use it. BOBBY + AJ: Protector Once this is used, AJ becomes Bobby's "protector". The next time Bobby's HP reaches the critical level, AJ's stats go up extroardinarily for one round, and completely beats on the enemy. Unfortunately, you have no control over him while this happens. JAMES + KEARY: Disciples James and Keary, sick of being called "Bobby's Disciples" (due to his Jesus Christ persona), beat him up, then unleash an awesome combo of attacks on the enemy. This does a lot of damage, but only do this if Bobby is about to die, because he'll be knocked out in the process. <> ***KEARY (GAMING)*** Keary's ability is a lot like the summon spells from the Final Fantasy games, only it's a lot different. Keary leaves the battle for a short while and enters a quick session of playing video games to summon any of the following characters (it's weird, though, because few of the summons are actually FROM video games! Geez...). The list of possible summons, and how to get them, are below: <> ***ELMO (KILL)*** Elmo's Kill is probably the easiest Special to explain. There is a chance (albeit a small one) to instantly kill whoever is targetting by it. This doesn't work on bosses, though, and has a pretty low chance of success. You should only use it on bad guys with a huge HP total/defense, or when really desperate. ***RYAN (TALK)*** This can only be used when Ryan is not silenced, very much like casting a spell (though it costs 0 MP). Ryan will begin to talk to everybody on the screen (well, the enemies, at least), about several different subjects - at once. This does some moderate damage, and will bore the weaker enemies to death (instantly) and will cause the stronger enemies to fall asleep with absolute boredom. This isn't too terribly useful, since the chance of killing is rather low (unless you're backtracking in an area filled with weak, annoying monsters - in this case, it's a huge time saver), and it doesn't do too much damage. It is good for boss fights with more than one enemy at a time (putting all of them to sleep with a little damage always helps), but isn't too helpful in random battles. ***RICHARD (WEALTH)*** Richard's ability serves on purpose and one purpose only - to gain money. It does damage equal to the money gained, which is never a lot. Usually somewhere from 10 to 100 dollars at once (the more you use it, the lower the chances of getting a high number). This is great, not for the damage dealt, but for the free money! If used cumulatively, especially against those bosses who have low defense and high HP, you could gain quite a bit of money easily. Whenever you're low on cash, use Richard's ability to gain some quick, easy cash! ***MATT (SUNDOODLES)*** One of the greatest spells in the game, Sundoodles ties with (if not beats) the awesome Flapper Tassels in strength. It does extremely massive damage to all enemies and instantly kills the weaker foes. Really decent. However, in usefulness, it by far defeats Flapper Tassels - as it costs 0 MP. Now, while several of you are pissing your pants in excitement, a few skeptical people are questioning "What's the catch? Such powerful spells don't come for free". And you're right. Sundoodles comes with a horrible catch - Matt's death every time you use it. That, and a maximum of five uses per battle. That, and you have to actually get it <>, a bit of a challenging feat in itself. Depending on the battle, Matt's tendency towards Tim the Talking Warhead may or may not pose as an issue. For severely hard battles, like the final boss and optional boss (near the end), it won't be a problem to unleash all you can. All five Sundoodles alone won't be enough to kill either of them, and you probably won't need the XP afterwards. So, do not use Sundoodles in battles where you want Matt to gain the experience, because it will most probably kill the opposition, and kill Matt (gaining Matt no XP). The minimum of five uses is only a problem in the long and difficult battles - five Sundoodles (along with a few Flapper Tassles, if you have them) will be more than enough to kill most normal bosses. The Sundoodles is most definately the best spell in the game, but keep in mind, Matt himself isn't that great. So only use him in battles that you'll need Sundoodles, and in some battles to just level him up (so he is still able to keep up in the long battles and isn't killed too easily). ***AJ (POWER UP)*** AJ's special is unique in that it has a bar all among itself, beside his HP and MP. This bar goes up everytime he hits, gets hit, is healed, or he is revived from death (it goes up a LOT if he's revived from death). Depending on the position of the bar, his 'Special' battle command will be one of three things. "Power Up" (which does nothing), "Kaio-ken" (which raises all stats), and "Super Saiyan 1/2/3/4" (which doubles, triples, or quadruples all his stats). When the bar is not full, the command is only "Power Up". At this time, you can't do anything. When the bar is filled up for the first time, it reaches the "Kaio-ken" level. He can use this only once, which raises all his stats by 1.5 times. Using it again will turn the Kaio-ken off (it very slowly depletes your HP). Filling up the bar again will take you to the "Super Saiyain" level. This will either raise your stats like the Kaio-ken (SS1), double them (SS2), triple them (SS3), or quadruple them (SS4). The level of Super Saiyan you can be changes as you level up. There are no set values, but if you want to become the next level Super Saiyan, you must level up hard. These also lower your HP slightly. At very random intervals, sometimes "Power Up" will be replaced by "Oozaru". This will turn AJ into... a giant weremonkey. Yes folks, a WEREMONKEY. Funniest thing is, I'm not even making this one up. This will raises AJ's stats by a whopping TEN times, but you will lose control of him, and he may attack your allies as well as enemies. It does not matter where you bar is if you want to activate this. When battles end, the bar is automatically reset. ***JIMBO/JEFE (MIDGAR COMBO 231)*** It's really only a 'combo' when both Jefe and Jimbo are on your team. They both have to use it on the same turn for it to fully work. And holy crap, does it work. The Midgar Combo 231 does 231 points of damage 231 times. That's almost 53,361 points of damage altogether! At that point of the game, that will most definately kill any bad guy that you meet. But when Jeff leaves, it really loses it's zing. It still has it's zang though (or did it lose the zang and keep the zing? I forget), and can do al ot of damage. At this point, the Midgar Combo 231 does 231 damage anywhere from 1 to 45 times. The fewer times you use it, the higher the chances of you doing 231 damage more often. So, only use it on bosses and the like, 'mmkay? ***RAGNAROSEN (CREATION)*** Ragnarosen's special ability, Creation, is very similar to Bobby's Schizophrenia. He casts a spell to summon somebody to take his place during battle (one of his IAQ characters). This summoning takes him out of the battle and replaces him with whoever was summoned. Every round, MP is consumed to sustain the summon. *Bein Hershbrad - The ultra-intelligent leader of the Maledictorians - Lose 8 MP per turn - HP 85%, MP 115%, Attack 80%, Defense 90%, Intellect 135%, Speed 95% - Learns "That's Not What Schizophrenia means!", "Ultimate Antagonism", "Red Blood Pain Feast Heha", "Ego Rush", "PSI Freeze", "PSI Fire", "PSI Thunder". *Colin Faden - Gene Rothman's best friend and a skilled naginata user - Lose 10 MP per turn - HP 105%, MP 95%, Attack 110%, Defense 100%, Intellect 105%, Speed 85% - Learns "Golden Rain", "Vacuum Sword", "Eruption Sword", "Magical Circle", "Whirlwind Sword", "Cross Slash", "Blade Beam". *Ceryle Vanderpool - An expert in a martial art called Reikido - Lose 11 MP per turn - HP 115%, MP 85%, Attack 120%, Defense 60%, Intellect 110%, Speed 110% - Learns "Kiaitame", "Seinzekui", "Bakaretsuken", "Reiki Wave", "Bitch Slap", "Really Smart!", "Regenerate" *Leslie Feldheim - Colin's girlfriend, who bears an uncany resemblace to Rukia from 'Bahamut Lagoon' - Lose 11 MP per turn - HP 95%, MP 105%, Attack 100%, Defense 110%, Intellect 100%, Speed 90% - Learns "Glider Spike", "Quantum Heal", "Mind Spring", "Silver Impulse", "Bitch Slap,", "Really Smart!", "Regenerate". *Falco Sparver - The generic-sword-wielding-hero-type-guy travelling the word for vengeance - Lose 11 MP per turn - HP 105%, MP 95%, Attack 110%, Defense 100%, Intellect 105%, Speed 85% - Learns "Bharul", "Red Surge", "Cure C", "Falranic", "Kalif Wave", "PSI Fire", "Solar Flare". *Gene Rothman - The overweight, often ridiculed protagonist of the Manhasset Events of TRWP - Lose 12 MP per turn - HP 120%, MP 80%, Attack 130%, Defense 130%, Intellect 70%, Speed 70% - Learns "25 Hit Combo!!!", "25 Hit Combo!!!", "25 Hit Combo!!!", "25 Hit Combo!!!", "25 Hit Combo!!!", "25 Hit Combo!!!", "25 Hit Combo!!!" *Rite Fertig - The leader of Feyrand's army - Lose 13 MP per turn - HP 95%, MP 105%, Attack 100%, Defense 110%, Intellect 100%, Speed 90% - Learns "Omega Flare", "Steal Heart", "Aurora Feyrandis", "Ether Breath", "Feyllation", "Bitch Slap", "Really Smart!", "Regenerate". ***BUZZ BUZZ (STINGER)*** When you take in to account Buzz Buzz's awesome PSI powers and high Intellect, this really seems kinda worthless. It does 1 damage (always 1, never more or less), has a chance of poisoning the target, and an even smaller chance of instantly killing them. You can use this, but, c'mon... this is a waste of Buzz Buzz's awesome strength! ***CLOUD (HEADACHE)*** Uh... Just when I saw the uselessness of Stinger, here comes "Headache". It is exactly what it sounds like. Cloud goes into one of his 'headaches' where the screen tints red and a loud buzzing sound fills your speakers. He can't do anything else except suffer from the headache, yell out how much he hates Sephiroth, and promised to avenge Aeris/th (he alternates between Aeris and Aerith randomly). DON'T USE THIS. For the love of all that's good and holy, don't use it. Instead, stay as far away from it as possible and poke it with a long, sharp stick. ******************** *9. Items/Equipment* ******************** --------- | Weapons | --------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ITEM | TYPE | STRENGTH | DESCRIPTION | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Wooden Yo-yo | Yo-yo | +15 | A yo-yo... | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Toy Yo-yo | Yo-yo | +30 | Best to practice with | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Fireball | Yo-yo | +30 | It's painted with fire designs!(fire damage) | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Cool Yo-yo | Yo-yo | +40 | Pretty cool looking | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Battle Yo-yo | Yo-yo | +60 | A very dangerous yo-yo meant to kill | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Expensive | Yo-yo | +3 | Pretty expensive... better be worth it! | | Yo-yo | | | | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Legendary | Yo-yo | +65 | Yo-yo used by GOD. Handle with care! | | Yo-yo | | | | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Smiley Yo-yo | Yo-yo | +75 | Why is THIS stronger than the Legendary Yo-yo? | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Telegraph | Telephone | +10 | You're better off using your hands | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Walkie-Talkie| Telephone | +15 | What more needs to be said? A walkie-talkie | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Phone | Telephone | +25 | Its got a cord, so you can't wander too far off| |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Payphone | Telephone | +50 | Requires money for every use | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Portable | Telephone | +30 | No cord, so should be easier to carry around! | | Phone | | | | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Pager | Telephone | +40 | When one needs to keep in touch... | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Cell Phone | Telephone | +50 | There's a "Motorola" insignia on the side | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Hands-free | Telephone | +70 | You don't need your hands - it stays on your | | Phone | | | head! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Atari | Controller | +15 | For the ancient Atari system | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Nintendo | Controller | +25 | For the first Nintendo | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *SNES | Controller | +35 | For the SUPER Nintendo! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Genesis | Controller | +45 | For the Sega, uh... Genesis | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Playstation | Controller | +55 | Noticing a pattern, genius? | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *GBColor | Controller | +65 | The coveted Game Boy Color! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Dreamcast | Controller | +75 | Attacks all enemies | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Playstation2 | Controller | +80 | One STRONG controller! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Shoe Laces | Misc. | +20 | Wielded like a whip | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Dog Whistle | Misc. | +35 | Instantly charms dog-like enemies | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *G.Bread House| Misc. | +50 | A stale house of gingerbread and candy | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Boot | Misc. | +60 | A tall, knee length brown boot | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Spoon | Misc. | +70 | Straight from the kitchen! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Pool Cleaner | Misc. | +80 | Tall stick with a net to clean pools | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Dan | Misc. | +90 | Grabs Dan by the ankles and swings him around! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Water Bottle | Wtr Bottle | +15 | Campers best friend | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Water Pistol | Wtr Bottle | +30 | Small, generic, gas station store water gun | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Water Bucket | Wtr Bottle | +40 | Big bucket of water you can slosh around | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Super Soaker | Wtr Bottle | +50 | A larger, cooler water gun! | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Super SoakerX| Wtr Bottle | +65 | Holds twice as many barrels as a Super Soaker | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *.231mm Gun | Wtr Bottle | +70 | The ultimate in water gun weaponary | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Spum | Spum | +65 | Spum spum spum spum spum *sploit* spum | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Sanza Sabre | Sword | +80 | A sword that Ragna stole from a museum | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Laptop | Computer | +60 | The only weapon Matt can equip | |---------------|-------------|----------|------------------------------------------------| | *Strongest | Weapon | +250 | The strongest weapon in the game!! | | Weapon | | | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- |Armor| ----- The concept of armor may be somewhat confusing at first. There are five types of armor, and "quality levels". A piece of armor (for example, a hat), can be of any quality type. But only certain people can equip certain quality types, AND certain types of armor. The different types of armor and quality levels are explained further in the miscellaneous section. Example - Bobby can equip "shirts", but only of the quality level "Bum", or "K-Mart". So, while a store may sell different types of shirts, he can only equip shirts of those quality levels. ----------- |Accessories| ----------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | ITEM | DESCRIPTION | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Glasses | User is immune to status ailment Blind | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Voice Box | User is immune to status ailment Silence | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Vaccine | User is immune to status ailment Poison | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *AngerMngment| User is immune to status ailments Berzerk and Pissed Off | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Breathalizer| User is immune to status ailment Stoned | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Mr.T Doll | User is immune to status ailment Frightened | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Libosuction | User is immune to status ailment Overbese | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *PhonicsBook | User is immune to status ailment Moronic | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Condom | Raises users defense | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Flvrd Condom| Raises users elemental defense (which element depends on the flavor) | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Life Insrnce| When user dies in battle, they get payed a lot of money | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----- |Items| ----- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | ITEM | DESCRIPTION | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Bandaid | Restores 50 HP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Gauze Wrap | Restores 100 HP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Stitches | Restores 250 HP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Sling | Restores 500 HP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Cast | Restores all HP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Dog Urine | Restores 50 MP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Fox Urine | Restores 100 MP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Monkey Urine| Restores all MP | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Porta-Potty | Restores parties HP and MP (can only be used at a save point) | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *LSD | Raises Attack by 5, Lowers maximum HP by 10 | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Acid | Raises Defense by 5, Lowers maximum HP by 10 | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Speed | Raises Agility by 5, Lowers maximum HP by 10 | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Cocaine | Raises Self Esteem slightly (it takes a few to completely raise a level) | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Marijuana | Raises all stats by 2, Lowers Maximum HP by 20 | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Heroine | Raises all stats by 5, Lowers Maximum HP by 50 (not recommended) | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Paperball | An implement of destruction - does non-elemental damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Waterballoon| An implement of destruction - does Water damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *WarheadCndy | An implement of destruction - does Fire damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Ball of Air | An implement of destruction - does Air damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Dirt Bag | An implement of destruction - does Earth damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Poison Dart | An implement of destruction - does Venom damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Metal Pipe | An implement of destruction - does Iron damage to target | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Kraft Cheese| An implement of destruction - does Milk damage to target (milky cheese) | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | *Mud Ball | An implement of destruction - does Mud damage to target | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ******************* *10. Miscellaneous* ******************* ***ARMOR*** At first, the "armor" concept may be difficult to understand, but it is really quite simple to grasp after a while. There are different types of armor, and different qualities. Some people may be able to wear only certain kinds of armor, but only of certain quality. For example, Bobby can wear "Bum" and "K-Mart" type jackets, but not "Name Brand". Although, he can wear any type of hat. The actual types are abbreviated in the armor section of the "Items/Equipment" chapter of the IAQ. The key is as follows: Bum Hat: BH Bum Jacket: BJ Bum Shoes: BS K-Mart Hat: KH K-Mart Jacket: KJ K-Mart Shoes: KS Generic Brand Hat: GH Generic Brand Jacket: GJ Generic Brand Shoes: GS Cool Hat: CH Cool Jacket: CJ Cool Shoes: CS Name Brand Hat: NH Name Brand Jacket: NJ Name Brand Shoes: NS Bum Shirt: BSh Bum Pants: BP K-Mart Shirt: KSh K-Mart Pants: KP Generic Brand Shirt: GSh Generic Brand Pants: GP Cool Shirt: CSh Cool Pants: CP Name Brand Shoes: NSh Name Brand Pants: NP And here is the key for the people who can equip such items for the following table: B - Bobby E - Elmo J - James R - Richard K - Keary Y - Ryan M - Matt Z - Buzz Buzz A - A.J. C - Cloud I - Jimbo S - Jefe ----------------------------------------------------------------- | X | HAT | JACKET | SHOES | SHIRT | PANTS | |----------|----------|----------|----------|----------|----------| | BUM | BME | BKM | KM | KM | BMIRS | |----------|----------|----------|----------|----------|----------| | K-MART | BE | BKIS | JK | JKIRS | JK | |----------|----------|----------|----------|----------|----------| | GEN.BRAND| BE | BJKIEYS | JKIRYS | JIRYS | JKY | |----------|----------|----------|----------|----------|----------| | COOL | B | JERY | JKIRYS | JIRS | KR | |----------|----------|----------|----------|----------|----------| | NAM.BRAND| BA | JAER | BAR | JAR | AIRS | ----------------------------------------------------------------- ***DECORATING YOUR ROOM*** While your room starts off rather bland, you will have many chances to enhance it and make it better. These upgrades can come from a variety of different sources - such as finding them or purchasing them from Jake. There are several different items you can own for your room, but you may only have a certain number of each type. The additions to your room as as follows: * Bed (1) - feather bed, water bed, air bed, pile of hay, sheet of wood, bed of spikes * Toys (12) - Freeza, Vegeta, Goku, Vincent Valentine, Sephiroth, Cid Highwind, Squall Seifer, Leguna, Zelda, Link, Ganondorf, Barbie, Ken, Malibu Stacy, Vivi, Amarant, Kuja, Solid Snake, Liquid Snake, Psycho Mantis, Serpent231, sLeEk SpUm, Ragnarosen, aRkRiSt eNeMiA mErKaVa, Austin Powers, Dr. Evil, BobCFed08 * Posters (2) - Dragonball Z, Gundam Wing, Final Fantasy 7/8/9/Tactics, Jar Jar Binks, Shoe, Pringles Guy, Naked Woman, Naked Man (err...), Dragon, Dargon * Wallpaper (1) - Flowers, skulls, shoes, pentagrams, Quaker Oatmeal guy, Noah's Ark, bricks * Rugs (2) - Arabic, spoon-shaped, underground pool (?), Japanese, piece of hardwood floor, rainbow colored, old newspaper * Curtains (2) - Blue, black, red, white, yellow, flowers, shooting targets, striped, plaid, polka dots, cheap * Swords (3) - katana, Celtic long sword, masamune * Miscellaneous (infinite) - MP3/CD Player, jacket tree, book shelf, books, TV, PlayStation, tetra-picture frame (pictures can be obtained throughout the game), overhead fan, porno bush, full life greatly exaggerated statue of Bobby, dog cage, dog, wino/bum/ hobo lying on the ground, computer, tire, Yoshi hanging from the ceiling by a noose, vending machine, gigantic pile of manure, dancing flower pot/Coca-Cola can, perverted Blossom shrine of photos and candles When you get any of these items, they are instantly sent to your room. Unfortunately, you can not decide where everything goes. And while you have an infinite amount of miscellaneous goods you can adorn your room with, it gets kind of crowded (and truthfully, a little hokey) if you have everything possible in your room. I suggest going for a certain 'look' to your room. Like, the anime maniac. Get the DBZ and Gundam Wing posters, the Japanese rug, the anime character toys, etc. Or, the perv. The Naked woman/man (be careful with that last one) posters, the porno-bush, the toys of Serpent231 and sLeEk SpUm, anything. Also, you'll be prompted with whether or not you want your toys to remain in their boxes when you get them. If you say 'yes', then they'll be boxed and nailed up on the top of the walls of your room. If you say 'no', then they'll be standing on your shelf of your room, without their boxes. You can play with them like this. Wheee. ***POINTS OF BOB*** In many situations, usually after collecting souls or playing minigames, you will gain or lose 'Points of Bob'. This seems to be a very random occurrence, and the number of points lost or gained always varies greatly, and really seems to serve no purpose. I have absolutely no clue why they're in the game at all. ***MAGIC: THE CROWDING*** During the course of the game, you will be able to play a card game known only as Magic: The Crowding. Winning this game will not only get you a new card (the winner gets to keep a randomly chosen card of the loser's), but major Points of Bob. If you have enough cards (that is, enough DIFFERENT cards), you can start playing games for money and some rare items. You'll also gain ranks as you win more battles and obtain more cards. Since Points of Bob are useless, and I don't know if gaining rank really changes anything (other than whether or not some people will play you), the money and rare items is the only actual reason to play. That is, except for getting BobCFed08. Unfortunately, Magic: The Crowding is a complex game, and there's no tutorial in the entire game on how to play it. In fact, it's really quite impossible to learn unless you've played it in real life! Ha, ha. ***SOULS*** Throughout the entire game, you will come across at least 50 souls (scattered in random and often hard to find places). These souls can be either items found lying around (very rare), or obtained from people be pressing the 'square' button to talk to them. Many of them will just talk to you like normal (these people have no souls to collect), but some will start a new conversations in which, upon saying the right things, you can con them out of their souls. Souls serve two purposes. For one, if equipped as an item (wearable only by Bobby), they will bring him instantly back to life with full HP/MP when he dies. They can only be used like this once. Souls also serve as a source for a possible alternative ending - one in which you battle Satan and take over hell. ***ELEMENTS*** There are various elements in the game - and learning them is a key strategy in some battles. Certain monsters are of a certain elements, and using a correct item, spell, or weapon of the opposite alignment can give an excellent advantage. Some elements are not strong against others, and some are. The rest have no other effect against each other. The elements are as follows: Fire - Strong against Venom, Weak against Water Water - Strong against Fire, Weak against Venom Venom - Strong against Water, Weak against Fire (strong against humans, as well) Air - Strong against Earth, Weak against Iron Earth - Strong against Iron, Weak against Air (no effect on flying creatures) Iron - Strong against Air, Weak against Earth Milk - Strong against Mud, Heals Milk Mud - Strong against Milk, Heals Mud Non-elemental - Strong against nothing, Weak against nothing ***STATUS AILMENTS*** ------------------------- | POSITIVE STATUS EFFECTS | ------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- | STATUS EFFECT | DESCRIPTION | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Regen | User gradually gains HP | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Haste | User's speed is doubled | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Protect | Physical attacks do less damage to user | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Shell | Spells and abilities to less damage to user | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Reraise | User comes instantly back to life once after death | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *AttackUP | User's strength is raised | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *DefenseUP | User's defense is raised | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Cool | User is targetted by enemies less frequently | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Happy! | User is afflicted by Regen and Haste | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Beefed Up | User is afflicted with AttackUP and DefenseUP | ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- | NEGATIVE STATUS EFFECTS | ------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- | STATUS EFFECT | DESCRIPTION | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Confused | User does random things; becomes uncontrollable | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Blind | Accuracy is greatly decreased | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Silence | Spells and abilities cannot be used | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Poison | User gradually loses HP | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Berzerk | User attacks enemy uncontrollably | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Stop | User cannot make any actions | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Enfeebled | Strength is halved | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Overbese | Speed is halved | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Moronic | Intelligence is halved | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Pissed Off | Strength/Speed/Intelligence lowered slightly | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Frightened | Attack/accuracy lowered slightly | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Stoned | Afflicted with Confused and Poison | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------| | *Startled | Chance that next attack is halted | ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ***************** *11. Side Quests* ***************** ***GETTING BOBCFED08*** Getting the ultimate of Bobby's personalities, BobCFed08, will take some work. First of all, you must have all of your other personalities. This is not really difficult, as they're all mandatory to finish the game, but it just means you can't get BobCFed08 as early as some might like. BobCFed08's position is random in every game. He could be in The Matrix, in the bathroom, or (worst of all) disguised as any random student. Talk to everybody in all of your personalities to find him. This will be by far your most daunting task. When you do find him, make sure you have some good Magic: The Crowding cards, and beef Bobby up with your best equipment; at least one soul. The first time you talk to him, if you don't have all four personalities, he'll say that he is the creator of this game, and therefore God. Then he'll say that he's too good for anybody with only one (or two, or three, depending on how many you have) personality. Only full fledged schizophrenics can talk to him. When you have all of your personalities, he'll remind you that you're his maker, so you shouldn't talk to him, because there's a common rule about 'meeting your maker'. If you respond with "Bite me!", he'll commend your courage. Then he tells you that, in order to harness his awesome powers, you'll have to pass three trials. The Trial of Blue, the Trial of Black, and the Trial of Kitty-Cats. You can pick which trial you want to do first (but it doesn't matter what order you pick them in - you'll always do the same things in the same sequence). The first trial is a rap. You have to match his rap, PaRappa style. It's really hard, because even if you push the right button at the right time, the game may still think you're doing it wrong. Also, since PaRappa jokes are officially dead, everybody will laugh at you as you rap, sometimes messing you up. The second trial is a card game. You must beat him at Magic: The Crowding. And he is a GOOD player. He uses Black and Blue cards, so try and use Green and White to counter. He'll probably beat you a few times first, but try and get a basic idea of what patterns he uses. And if you've saved before your encounter with him, don't be afraid to reset if you lose a really good card. The final trial... is one of combat *DUH DUH DUH* ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: BobCFed08 HP: 80,000 XP: --- MP: 999 GP: --- Element: None Attacks: Flapper Tassles, Sundoodles, FunnyBomb, Bite Me, Mr. Saturn Tips: This is an extraordinarily difficult battle. You fight BobCFed08 alone, as Bobby, and you are unable to transform with Schizophrenia at all. BobCFed08 mostly just physically attacks with his weapon (the aptly name Axe of Bob) that can take anywhere from a quarter to a half of your life. Sundoodles is the strongest spell he'll use, but he doesn't use it often. Keep your HP total high just in case. Bite Me lowers all of Bobby's stats, but not too much. It does have a cumulative effect though, so watch out. He uses the spell "FunnyBomb" most, which is just a huge explosion. It does about 1.5 as much damage as the Axe of Bob, and gets really annoying after he uses it so many times (he always yells "I've got half a mind to waste you, punk!" in some creepy accent every time he casts it). Mr. Saturn is just a summon spell in which dozens of the Mr. Saturn (they look alot like BobCFed08, just without the hat and glasses) bounce around and do moderate damage. This is the weakest of his attacks, but it's pretty rare. He'll use the spell Flapper Tassles when he's down to half health, and this WILL kill Bobby - so make sure you have a soul equipped! And don't use it up until now. Afterwards, just work on whittling down his health while keeping yours above half... and you should do fine. ****************** Well, good luck! Once you beat him, he'll cuss you out and join Bobby's fragmented psyche. You'll be able to use the newly aquired spell 'Flapper Tassels' in AND out of the BobCFed08 persona - but only upon reaching level 95 (you can use it as BobCFed08 no matter what level you are). ***THE MIDGAR SWAMP*** This is an area only accessible if you've picked Jimbo or Jefe from the IAQ Club (and if you pick one, they both automatically join) instead of Ragnarosen or aRkRiSt. Any other time you try and get into it, Bobby will ask if anybody knows the password. You can only get in here while in cyberspace, so I suggest doing it directly after obtaining Jefe and Jimbo. You need both of them in your party in order to have any of these events take place. Upon trying to enter the Swamp, Bobby will ask Jefe what the password is. Jefe (after making fun of Bobby for screwing up FTP) will tell Bobby the password (PSST - the password is password!). Use it to enter. Doing so will trigger an FMV of Haruka, MOG FROM HELL, and BoB the DeM()/|/ all attacking the Swamp. Well, they're really just gnawing on the walls (is this supposed to damage us in any way or something?). When the FMV ends, the following cinema will take place: JEFE: Oh. No. They are damaging the Swamp. JIMBO: *yawns* BOBBY: A-Are you guys j-just gonna let th-them d-d-do this!? Th-they could c-cause s-severe d-damage to our w-webpage! JIMBO: Bob, since you're relatively new to the Midgar Staff, you probably wouldn't know this, but... we get crap like this all the time. I mean, it's not harmful at all. JEFE: It's actually kind of fun to just point and laugh at them. But I figure, since they're all one person trying to look like they have friends by using aliases, we should kick their asses. BOBBY: I a-agree! Now you're prompted with who you wish to fight. You must assign Jefe, Jimbo, and Bobby to one of the flamers each. Pick BoB in order to get a new personality, and pick Haruka or MOG FROM HELL to gain XP. Since you can get experience anyway, don't be such a dimwit - and pick BoB! It doesn't matter who Jefe and Jimbo get, anyway. They always gang up on their enemies and use the Midgar Combo 231. BOBBY: P-Prepare to d-die, s-scum! BOB THE DEM()/|/: NO YOR THE SCUM U PLAGEIRST SCUM!!!!!111 BOBBY: Plagerists? W-What? BOB THE DEM()/|/: U ALL COPED SLEKE SPUM AND MARRAH AND STUSYS AND ONYX HOO AR ALL A VITCIM OF PLAGIRITIS WICH TEHY CAUHT FROM U!!!!!!!!!!11 BOBBY: ...What? S-S-Sorry, could y-you r-repeat that? BOB THE DEM()/|/: U COPEID SLEEEK SPPUM ADN CAHNGED HIM BCAUSE HE WAS SUPM MACKENIZ AND KNOW HE LOKS LIK A HEaD BUT HES NOT A HEAD BECSE HEDS DONT RESTLY DAMMIT!!!!!11 BOBBY: I s-swear to g-god, I c-can't even understand w-what you're e-even s-saying. A-Are you s-spelling like that o-on p-purpose? BOB THE DEM()/|/: TEH PWER OF TURTH IS MOR POWRFUL TAN THU POWER OF LYING HUSG AND KISES MY ASS!!!!!!!!11 IM GOIGN TO KIL U!!!! ***BOSS BATTLE*** Boss: BoB the DeM()/|/ HP: 6000 XP: -- MP: 700 GP: -- Element: None Attacks: PLAGERIST SCUM Tips: This is a really easy battle. BoB can only use the one attack which does really feeble damage to Bobby (who fights this battle alone, by the way). Just attack and use your abilities, and don't use your Schizophrenia. If you don't, the following cinema won't take place. ****************** BOB THE DEM()/|/: WOWYOR POER IS RELLY STORGN CNA I JOWN U???????// BOBBY: I don't understand what the hell you're even saying, BoB. BOB THE DEM()/|/: THE N LTE ME MAK U UDNERSTADN. Another FMV begins, this one is identical to all of Bobby's other "gain a personality" transformations. He is engulfed in a white light, and when it clears... the game crashes It tells you that it couldn't display image 00054231, "BoB the DeM()/|/". Don't worry, though, when you restart, the game will have automatically saved at the point right after your beating BoB to gain the personality. If anybody knows how to fix this - please tell me. I really want to know what BoB looks like! (he isn't in the game manual, and you really can't tell by his sprite, which just looks like bad scribbles). ***RYAN SUBQUEST*** <> ***OPTIONAL BOSS*** <> ************* *12. Credits* ************* ***HELPFUL PEOPLE*** -hawk239128@aol.com helped me out a LOT my documenting some of James' combos -wolfeden@adelphia.net for fixing up a lot of my spelling and grammar mistakes -someisa@dork.com for info on the elements Mud and Milk -nike4everr@aol.com for explaining to me what Ryan's special did (I couldn't tell what it did besides put people to sleep, at first) -ragnarosen@aol.com for all of Ragnarosen's abilities (I had chosen Jimbo and Jefe when I played!) ***RELEVANT LINKS*** -The Midgar Swamp (http://www.midgarswamp.com) The first page to house Life of Bob, and one in which I'm a staff member. If you like what you see here, there's plenty more of this kind of humor at the Swamp! -The IAQ Club (URL unavailable) A group of peers who are also all great at writing IAQs (which you can find at the Swamp). Of course, "IAQ Club" is hardly accurate since we barely talk about our IAQs... and since it's a sort of exclusive deal, the URL is unavailable to the public (my first elitist group, yay!) -Babelfish (http://www.babelfish.com) I can't speak French that well. Babelfish, the online translation site, was extremely helpful in my scenes with Mr. Yinger and Cédric! **************** *13. Disclaimer* **************** Any resemblance to other persons or events portrayed in this IAQ is done on purpose. This is a "real life" IAQ, smart guy, and these are real people being depicted. C'mon, you coulda thought of that. If you know me, and it's your name up here, then I'm making fun of you. Ha, ha. And if you do take offense, then (sorry if this makes me sound like a jackass), deal with it. I'm just kidding around, I don't single you out among anybody else, and it's all in good fun. Well, most of them. Some people consider imitation the highest form of flattery. I, personally, say that's a load of bull. I consider imitation a high form of annoyance. You copy my IAQ, and I will find out where you live and personally beat you up. Well, not me. My friends. AJ and Jake. So don't copy anything! If you want to use any of my ideas, or any of my characters (most of them you probably don't know since they all have only one linke - me), please ask me first. The answer is most probably a YES, you'll make a new friend, and I can have more of my stuff on another place on the Internet. You can never have too many of those. OK! Now make a wish and send this to everybody on your buddy list, and you will get french kissed by your crush!!!!!