Stone Cold Steve Caires vs. Kefka

Stone Cold Steve Caires vs. Kefka

(As we fade in, we can see the traditional blue and green fireworks go off at the entrance way, one of them accidentally flying into the crowd, killing Dan and Charlie. As always, Blue and Green blasts over the PA, and once again, the unfortunate crowd gives a mixed reaction to the "music". The camera cuts to our announcers)

Oynx: Hi! Um, welcome to the Not Exactly Celebrity Deathmatches! I don't know how Stüssy and I got the jobs as announcers, but who really gives a spum?

Stüssy: Heh heh... spum...

Oynx: Anyway, tonight we have a battle of the truly immature! In the red corner, we have Stone Cold Steve Caires, the author of Don't Go There, composer of Sounds From HELL, and all around sick guy!

(Caires walks up into the ring, and a remix of Sounds From Hell starts to play)

Caires: Heh heh, one of the posters says "Suck It!" Sploit!

Stüssy: Heh heh... sploit...

Oynx: So that's where your personality comes from! Or, could it be coming from, in the blue corner, Kefka, the immature villain of Final Fantasy 6?

Stüssy: Heh heh... fantasy...

(A burst of fire shoots out from the ringposts as Kefka's theme starts to play)

Kefka: Fire! Fire! Yeeeaaaahh!

Oynx: For this, um, "special" occasion, we have, judge and former boxer, yet now referee Mills Lane!

(Mills Lane steps into the middle of the ring, but no music plays. He brings the two opponents together)

Mills Lane: All right, you two, I want a good clean fight. You know the rules, no hitting below the belt, no crotch chopping, and no low blows.

Oynx: Aren't all those the same thing, Stüssy? Stüssy? Get up, Stüssy, it's not that funny...

Mills: The first to pin an opponent wins.

(Stüssy falls off of the announcer's booth, laughing)

Mills: Now, let's get it on!

(Caires and Kefka start to snicker, the snickers turn into chuckles, and the chuckles burst into laughter. The two begin rolling around the ring while Mills Lane scratches his head)

Mills: C'mon, you babies, get up! I said, let's get it on!

(The two, three, actually, including Stüssy, laugh even harder. Caires and Kefka eventually roll out of the ring, doubled over with laughter. Mills calls for the bell)

Oynx: My god, it's a double count-out! (calling down out of the booth) Can you believe that, Stüssy?

Stüssy: Ha ha ha ha ha!! On... Get it... on... ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Oynx: Well, that was pretty pointless! That's it for, uh, tonight!

Back to Not Exactly Celebrity Deathmatches
Back to The Midgar Swamp