DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against anybody mentioned in this NECD (well, maybe a little against Shahrukh for flaming me in my own guestbook). If Seanbaby's first line seems like it's dissing his site, then strap me to a chair and force me to listen to B*Witched until I'm 23 years old. Seanbaby kicks some serious spoony.

Oh, and I don't usually call girls "chicks", but since the site is called Fat Chicks in Party Hats, I had to this time.

Miguel and Shahrukh Hafeez vs. Two Fat Chicks in Party Hats

(As we fade in, we can see the traditional blue, green, red, and yellow fireworks go off at the entrance way as Blue and Green is heard over the PA. Two of the fireworks accidentally fly into the crowd, killing Mr. Bill and Kenny McCormick. A TV231 box pops up, and the camera cuts to our announcers)

Seanbaby: Heyyyy, everybody! I'm Seanbaby, the well known webmaster of Seanbaby.com, which is a little ol' place full of swearing, old Nintendo games, pictures of midgets, and references to my twelve inc--

Mr. T: Shu' up, foo'! Yo' ain't bein' appropriate for da kids!

Seanbaby: And that's Mr. T over there. He starred in the A-Team and has killed numerous celebrities, yet got the &^#%$ kicked out of him by Sylvester Stallone.

Mr. T: Quit yo' jibba jabba! Dat foo's helluva tough!

Seanbaby: Sure he was. Anyway, we've got one helluva--

Mr. T: Dat's my word, sucka!

Seanbaby: --match for you tonight.

(camera cuts to the ring)

Ring Announcer: In the ring right now, we have the owner and a loyal fan of Fat Chicks in Party Hats... weighing in at a combined weight of one hundred and forty six pounds... Miguel, and Shahrukh Hafeez!

(Miguel and Shahrukh receive a hail of boos from the crowd. Beer cans stuffed with candy wrappers are thrown at them as they start to insult the audience)

Miguel: hey lok at tat fat chik eatin popcrn!!!!!!

Shahrukh Hafeez: HA HA HA...... shes so fat, when she walks down the street, peple say damn ur fat!!!!!!

Miguel: and  lok at teh *mute* next to her!!!!!!!

Pantscoop: yeh he wants some butt too hump!!!!!

Both: ha haha ha ha hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 he is a dumb boy!!!

(camera cuts back to the announcers)

Mr. T: Whoa... looks like dem foo's is jes askin' for an #$*%%-beatin' tonight!

Seanbaby: Yeah, but forget that. Didja see that chick in the front row? Wow, and I thought searching for pics of the Spice Girls was an easy way to--

Mr. T: I said, "SHU' UP, FOO'!" Da fat chicks are 'bout ta come to da ring!

(Ride of the Valkeries blasts into the arena, and two fat chicks wearing party hats each riding motorcycles fly out the entrance way and down the ramp. One of them waves to the crowd and loses her balance. She falls forward and crashes the motorcycle, sending her flying out into the crowd as we see Don Corneo in the audience)

Don Corneo: My, my, my! This is such a extraordinary event with such great people! You'll only see this in the great continent of--

(The fat chick lands on Don, crushing him instantly. Meanwhile, the second chick hits the other's crashed motorcycle and flies off her own, landing in the ring. The bell rings, and Miguel and Shahrukh immediately begin to put the boots to her.)

Seanbaby: And in five seconds, this chick already's got two strikes: Her partner is no more, and she's already having a mudhole stomped into her!

Mr. T: I pity the foo'. Lookit Miguel go to the top rope!

Seanbaby: Well, he IS a luchador, y'know... Moonsault by Miguel!

Mr. T: Miguel's up, an' now hits a standin' senton splash!

Seanbaby: Holy *^()^*! A Shooting Star Press! Miguel to the outside...A slingshot legdrop! Now Miguel runs back up top! 450 Splash! Hey, why aren't we recappin' Pantscoop's moves?

Mr. T: Cause it'd sound like: "Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, taunt, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp..."

Seanbaby: Uh, I guess he's got his gameplan down... Hollywood Star Press! Triple Jump Moonsault by Miguel! It's should be over, but...dude! The fat chick's not even affected by any of this! She gets up, and gives a mighty roar!

Fat Chick: BL66CC66AAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!

(Miguel and Shahrukh Hafeez are both blown away into separate sections of the crowd and are very slow to get up. They immediately begin to get bombarded by pretzels, buttery popcorn, and signs from various crowd members of all sizes, mostly the larger ones.)

Pantscoop: ow ow o w OW ow ow OW!!!!!!! tis suks,

Miguel: wer e gonna los cos of the 10 seocnd coutnrout rul!!!!!!!!

Both: runn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seanbaby: And the two little babies begin to haul ^##^ back to the ring! Can they make it, or is this gonna be another lame countout match?

Mr. T: Heh, Pantscoop's tried jumpin' up to crowdsurf, but fell on his pimply face! Guess there ain't no Fat Chicks in Party Hats fans here.

Seanbaby: Well, not me, at least...Hey! The crowd's tossin' Shahrukh back in the ring!

Mr. T: I could throw him helluva further!

Seanbaby: It's okay, T.

Pantscoop: doooooooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!

Seanbaby: Shahrukh was just impaled on the chick's party hat! Ooh, he explodes!

Mr. T: I needa git me one o' those...

Seanbaby: And now the crowd's throwin' Miguel back even better than you can, T!

Mr. T: #&^$%^&*@#

Seanbaby: Eh. Miguel flies into the ring and bounces off the fat chick's stomach into the corner...and the chick squashes into him harder than my--

Mr. T: Shu' up, sucka!

Seanbaby: Miguel's down... and there's a splash by the fat chick! The bones went crunch!

Fat Chick: I WIL EAT YOU, BUT ONLY IF YOU HAV NOGET CREAM INSIDE YOU!!!!

Seanbaby: What the ^*#&$#'s she talking about?

Mr. T: Dunno, foo', but she's gettin' a spatula from under tha' ring!

Miguel: yuo SUCK!!!0!!!_!!!0!!!

Fat Chick: SHUTT UP AND STAY!

Seanbaby: This match's got the %*#$% stupidest dialogue I've ever seen...

(the fat chick flips Miguel into the air with her spatula and catches his entire body in her mouth, swallowing him with one gulp. The bell rings, signifying the end of the match, and Ride of the Valkeries cues up again as the fat chick does the Fat Hat Dance)

Seanbaby: And there you have it, folks. Another lesson learned today here in Not Exactly Celebrity Deathmatches:
"Fat people aren't always jolly."

Mr. T: Damn right, sucka! She kicked both o' them sorry #%&*^s after da jibba jabba they been talkin' bout! Y'see, she drank her milk, jes like all yo' kids should! Hell, I--

(camera fades out as Mr. T continues to talk)

Back to Not Exactly Celebrity Deathmatches
Back to The Midgar Swamp