THE MATCH YOU THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER SEE . . .
by Justin McNeil
Your announcers for tonight's blockbuster event will be Jim Ross, Jerry "King" Lawler, Tony Schiavone, and Bobby Heenan. The camera pans across the tens of thousands of fans (23,100 actually ^_^) and finally gets to the announce table.
Ross: Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a special wrestling event which we'll have the greatest match to ever take place in the wrestling industry!
Schiavone: Yeah, listen to these GREAT WCW fans!!
The announcers shut up and all we hear is crickets in the audience.
Heenan: Why were there crickets in the audience?
Lawler: Uh yeah, there were crickets. Cause WCW fans suck!!
Heenan: Great fans, huh Tony?
Schiavone: Know your role and shut your mouth!
Lawler: Hey, that's THE ROCK'S phrase, I'm suing!
Ross: All of ya'll shut yer holes or yer fixin' to have a cowboy boot in your spoony!
All of a sudden, the Titantron lights up and an "evil" looking face is on it. It's Serpent!
Serpent: That's my word, Ross, I'm suing! Cause I know what room your sister is in.....I know everything, for I am the Lord or Darkness. MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!
The Titantron goes off and Goldberg comes out. He's lost because he doesn't have any security guards.
Ross: Hey this is a charity event, we had to cut the prices on something!
Goldberg looks around and crawls inside an air duct.
All the fans start chanting "Old berg, Old berg!"
Schiavone: This is the GREATEST moment in the HISTORY of this GREAT sport!
Heenan: No it's not. Goldberg is probably suffocating somewhere in an air duct!
Schiavone: Don't pay any attention whatsoever to Heenan, he had a little to much to drink before the show.
Heenan: Did not!
Ross: Shut up!
Schiavone: What's that in the ring? GOLDBERG'S COMING OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! THE FANS ARE STANDING IN UNISON!
Ross: No they're not.
Heenan: Man, just calm down, Tony.
Schiavone: Hey, I'm trying to get ratings....
Ross: You're not even competing with us.
Schiavone: Oh yeah...uh....I'm hungry!
Heenan: It's cause you're fat.
Schiavone: I'm not FAT!
Lawler: Sable's so hot!
Ross: Sable's not even in the arena. Man, you guys have been sniffing to much crack.
"Self High 5" screams out through the arena and here comes DDP! The fans are still silent, though. DDP throws the "BANG" sign, but instead of the pyros exploding, a large fireball engulfs DDP and the Titantron falls down on his head.
Schiavone: Well...I have word that Mankind will be Goldberg's tag partner.
Mankind is seen in the rafters, but Sting is coming down from a cable. However, he gets stuck halfway down. Mankind jumps off the rafters and makes a large hole in the middle of the ring.
Ross: My God......
Schiavone: What the @#&% just %&^**% happened you stupid %**&%%??
Heenan: Calm down, Tony!
He smacks Tony across the face.
Schiavone: Okay, Mankind is dead and we have word that...uhh...Bobby Blaze... will be Goldberg's tag partner!
Heenan, Ross, Lawler: WHO??
Schiavone: The GREAT athlete Bobby Blaze!
Heenan, Ross, Lawler: He's nothing but a fat slob and a jobber, Tony.
Bobby Blaze comes down to the ring, and Goldberg immediately delivers the Spear!
Suddenly, "You smell what The Rock is cookin'?" comes out of the PA and The Rock is out with a mike. He comes to ringside and begins to talk.
Rock: SMACK DOWN!
Rock: Smack smack smack, down down down!
Rock: I'm gonna kick Goldberg's roody poo candy jabroni @$$ trailer park trash bald headed piece of monkey crap that ever walked God's green Earth!
Crowd gives the biggest pop of the night!
The sound of breaking glass blasts out of the speakers and Stone Cold comes out! He hops in the ring and starts beating on Goldberg.
Ross: Goldberg's taking a beating from the Rattlesnake!
Schiavone: No he's not, he's just selling it.
Ross: Shut up!
Heenan: Bobby Blaze is trying to punch The Rock, but he just keeps giving the People's Eyebrow. OH MY GOODNESS!! The Rock's Eyebrow has ripped off his face and taken on a life of it's own! It's gone down Bobby Blaze's throat! He's choking to death and The Rock's head is pouring out blood!
Schiavone: MY GOD!! MAKE IT STOP!! OH MY GOD!!! MAKE IT STOP!! OH MY GOD!! MAKE IT STOP!!
Lawler: SHUT UP!
Ross: For once I agree with King!
Heenan: Austin has locked up with Goldberg, but Goldberg lifts Stone Cold over his head and Gorilla Press Slams him! He's crouched down for the Spear!
Ross: Goldberg delivers the Spear!
Schiavone: Stick a fork in him, it's over.
Lawler: Not with The Rock around! Wait, never mind...he doesn't have an eyebrow.
Goldberg lifts Austin in the Jackhammer, but Austin falls out of it and applies the Stunner and the crowd erupts! All of a sudden, Ultimate Warrior comes to ringside with a mike. He's spouting out some long and incomprehensible words. Where's a dictionary when you need one?
Heenan: What the heck is he trying to say?
Austin looks to the fans to see if they understand UW. He just shakes his head and delivers the Stunner and the crowd pops again!
Schiavone: What's wrong with the rafters?
Heenan: Uh oh, they're falling!!
The rafters are creaking and they fall on everyone and immediately kill everyone they just fell on!! Viscera is seen walking around on the rest of the rafters...
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