Stüssy's Guide to Life: The MST (Mystery Science Theatre)
Episode 1
Based on the TV Show "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" copyright Best
Brains, Inc.
Starring:
Jeffrey Faden: Oynx and Yaga --
jeffreyatw@portalofevil.com
James Gowdey: Stüssy --
puck4@earthlink.net
Max Morgunov: Mossimo
(Stüssy's House)
Mossimo: Hey, what's this new Mystery Science Theatre I've been hearing about?
Stüssy: Oh, it's just this building downtown. They've got a bunch of
bad fan-fiction stories that they let us make fun of. It's kind of an
upside-downside thing.
Oynx: The downside is that we have to bore ourselves with bad fanfics, and
the upside...
Yaga: That we get to make fun of them.
Mossimo: Sounds good to me.
Yaga: I don't know, I don't really think one-liner jokes count as a type
of humor.
Stüssy: C'mon, It'll be fun.
Yaga: Whatever.
(Downtown)
Oynx: So, here we are!
Yaga: What should we see?
Stüssy: Hmm... the choices are "Invaders from Planet B", "The Starr
Report", "The Ramsay Scallop" and "Nexa's Revenge".
Yaga: They all sound pretty stupid to me.
Mossimo: Isn't that the whole point?
Oynx: How will we decide which one to see?
Mossimo: I know! How about JANKEN?
Oynx: No, that game never gets anything accomplished.
Stüssy: Let's just watch "Nexa's Revenge".
Yaga: Fine with me.
(The four enter the theatre)
Oynx: So, I got my popcorn, my jujubes, my X-large soda, and my candy bars.
Stüssy: You won't be able to talk with all that candy stuffed in your
mouth.
Mossimo: Mmmm! 100 Grand! (Snatches a bar from Oynx)
Yaga: You guys! Shh, It's starting.
--------
NEXA'S REVENGE
by General Slaughter
(Little Tokyo seems calm and peaceful but all of a sudden the Rude Noise
Oynx: Frrrrrrt.
Stüssy: Burrrrrrrp.
Mossimo: Braaaaaap.
Yaga: You guys, that is so immature.
comes crashing through a building in the Ninja Crowbot!)
Crow Magnon:
Oynx: This deserves a place on my pun-cushion here.
(Stüssy and Mossimo smack him)
Mossimo: I HATE puns.
Stüssy: Yeah, don't be a pundit...OW!
Mwa hahaha!(looks around for the Cats
Oynx: Well, keep lookin', 'cuz I ain't one.
Mossimo: Take a note of that, readers: OYNX IS NOT A CAT!!
Stüssy: I had to learn that the hard way.
but can't find them anywhere.)
Oynx: I cannot find them here or there...
Yaga: ...I cannot find them anywhere!
Mossimo: I cannot find them and that is that.
Stüssy: I cannot find those Pizza Cats!
Hey Pizza Cats,come on!Your never late!
Mossimo: Yes we are! What about that time last Friday when....
Stüssy: (Author) Your, you're, what's the difference?
Oynx: Pizza Cats?
Yaga: Oh, boy. We had to choose a Samurai Pizza Cats fanfic.
Stüssy: The more the jokes for us!
Mojo Rojo:
All: WHA?!
Stüssy: Remind me never to watch this show, guys.
Now where are they?
Ronnie Geismuller:
Stüssy: Did I remind you to remind me never to watch this show?
Yaga & Oynx: Yes.
Stüssy: Good.
Maybe their too scared to fight us!
Oynx: Maybe you should check for squashed cat under the building debris.
Mossimo: Mmmmmm... Yummy...
Guido:I would'nt bet on it bird brain!
Crow Magnon:Ha!You don't scare us furball!
Stüssy: Not as much as this fanfic does, at least...
After we kill ya we'll skin
Stüssy: (Magnon) --the cat! I can walk the dog and shoot the moon, too!
ya!And we won't charge Cheese any extra!
Speedy:Your all talk red eye!(Speedy shoots two ninja stars which shatters
the robots eyes.)
Cannonball Battery:Hey,watch it!This robot costs money to rebuild!
Oynx: What else would it cost, dryer lint?
Mossimo: (trying to sound professional) Well, this machine is a sophisticated
contraption and has very complex micro systems to operate it.
Mojo Rojo:
Stüssy: Hey, if this were PaRappa the Rapper, and we were on the first
level, and we had this guy instead of Chop-Chop, we'd be at the Mojo Rojo
Dojo!
(long silence)
Stüssy: Well, YOU try to riff 'Mojo Rojo', then!
Yaga: With riffs like those, who even needs Mossimo?
Mossimo: HEY!
Just shut up and blast them!(shoots the laser out of the robots mouth and
hits Speedy.)
Mossimo: What's the caliber on that sucker?
Oynx: (Hick) If that thing ain't no .45 I'm dry out of ideas.
Guido:Speedy!Thats it beak brains!
Stüssy: Bird brain, red eye, AND beak brains? I don't see how the robot's
still stand--
Oynx: Quiet, cornstarch.
Stüssy: Why don't you, bad face?
Yaga: You guys..
Oynx: Stay out of this, Josilyne!
Yaga: Josilyne?
Your history!
Oynx: (Announcer) This is your life!
(pulls out his Sunspot Umbrella and blows one of the robot's arms off.)
Stüssy: WWHHHOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHH!!!
Mossimo: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your arm off!
Crow Magnon:You three
Mossimo: Two and a half, actually.
are always in our way!(hits Guido with the sword.)Can't you just die!?!?
Stüssy: (Polly) Nah, I don't feel like it today.
Polly:Yeah right,were the good guys!
Stüssy: They WERE the good guys, but now they aren't.
You really thought that we might lose?!
Mossimo: Yes...
(throws Heart Darts
Mossimo: Now THAT sounds kinda fruity.
Oynx: You ain't seen nothin' yet.
which knock the Sword outta the robots hand.)
Yaga: WAIT a minute, wait a minute. Didn't they just blow off the robot's
arms?
Stüssy: Head for the hills, it's the decapitated hand!
And how many times
Mossimo: Two and a half, actually.
Oynx: What's with this "two and a half" thing?
Mossimo: It's just the inside joke I share with the leprechaun that lives
with me and tells me what to do.
Yaga: (whispering to Stüssy) You should really turn Mossimo into the
nut house.
are you goin' rebuild that stupid Ninja Crowbot!?
Oynx: (Mojo Rojo) We've got automotive insurance!
Mojo Rojo:We know a mechanic that gives us free tune ups on this machine!(shoots
a laser that hits Polly.)
Polly:Ouchy.
Yaga: She gets hit by a laser and says 'Ouchy'?
Stüssy (Polly): Ouchy! Big robo hit me wit a waser!
I think we are done for Speedo.
Oynx: (Guido) Yes. That laser made our fat expand so much that we would be
ashamed to wear revealing bathing suits.
Stüssy: Time to move on to biki--
(Yaga smacks Stüssy)
Guido:Yeah,that sword packs a walop.
Crow Magnon:Christ you three are paithec.
Stüssy: This fanfic is 'paithec'.
Lets blow them away boys!
Stüssy: Hee hee! He said blow.
Oynx: Stüssy...
Speedy:Don't think so whussbucket!
Mossimo: What the hell is a whussbucket?
Stüssy: You don't want to know.
We still gotta a hope,
Mossimo: Gee, that's some bad grammar. And a cheap line.
Oynx: Hey! It's Italian PaRappa! We gotta-a believe-a!
the magical Guinzu Sword!
Stüssy (Speedy): Now watch as I chop this shoe in half! As seen on TV!
(The Rude Noise bails out of the Ninja Crowbot before Speedy charges his
sword up and fires it causing the Crowbot to split into two and explode.)
Oynx: Wow. Would you believe that that is one sentence?
Mossimo: I wouldn't be able to say that in three breaths.
Crow Magnon:HAHA!Ya think you can beat four
Mossimo: Two and a half, actually.
Stüssy: Stop it!
extremly talented and very cool Ninja Crows like us!?HA!
Polly:Lets take these whussies out!(starts drawing Ronnie Geismuller and
Cannonball Battery
Stüssy (Polly): Geez, these guys are hard to draw...RRGH! I messed up
on his hand again!
in with th Cat Paw Passion Power.)
Yaga: 'Th'? Is this Zippy the Pinhead or something?
Mossimo: Yeh.
Oynx: (Ronnie) Hi, I'm Ronnie!
Stüssy: (Cannonball) Hi, I'm Cannonball!
Both: And we represent the stupid name brigade!
Ronnie Geismuller:ACK!We're bein' sucked in by Polly's Passion Power!
Mossimo: If you ask me, that sounds extremely suggestive.
Cannonball Battery:No duh!
Yaga: That is SO 1994..
Polly:Whats the matter boys,don't you want someone ta love?
Mossimo: Yes.
(sticks out her claws and scratches both them.)
Mossimo: (singing) All I need is that good, good lovin', baby...
Ronnie Geismuller:(sliced up.)Ouchy,wheres the
Stüssy: --beef?
Hydrogen Peroxide?
Stüssy: Oh.
Oynx: Hey kids! Now you can have your very own feline meat grinder! Just
call, and you'll get Polly the Pizza Cat!
Narrator:Meanwhile Guido's got his hands full.
Guido:(sword fightin' with Mojo Rojo.)You said it man!
Oynx: What DID he say?
Mossimo: He said "it", duh.
Mojo Rojo:Come on!Just give up! You no
Oynx: You no were...
Stüssy:Me yes was.
were just soooooo much better ninjas than...
Guido:(punches him right in the face.)Ahhhh
Oynx: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
shut up and fight.
Oynx: (Guido) We've lost some audience because there hasn't been senseless
violence in 10 seconds.
Yaga: 11, actually.
Crow Magnon:(swinging his Ax at Speedy.)Come on Speedy,swing at me!
Oynx: (Crow) Yes, you know how much I'd like that sword impaled right into
my head! Please, I'm dying for a concussion!
Don't just block it with your sucky
Yaga: I'm assuming General Slaughter's, say, eight?
Stüssy: Lower.
sword!It's no fun when you just stand there and get biffed!
Mossimo: POW! BIFF! SMAK!
Stüssy: Noo! It's a Batman episode!
Polly:(thinking)
Stüssy: Now THAT'S what I call a First!
We'll counter attack blunder beak,just hold still so I can nail you with
this Love Bomb!
Mossimo: (Lady Announcer) Looking for a good time? Well, call 1-900-LUV-BOMB
and we'll unleash your passion.
Stüssy: And your internal organs, too.
Oynx: Only $79.99 per minute.
(throws the Bomb right in front of Crow Magnon.)
Crow Magnon: Die! Die! Di...(steps on the Love Bomb and...) BOOOOOOOOM!
Stüssy: Is he still talking?
Mossimo: Hey, maybe we can say that, too!
Oynx: BOOOOOOOOM!
Mossimo: BOOOOOOOOM!
Yaga: Okay, you guys...
(Magnon is sent into the sky spinning out of control.)
Mossimo: (Crow Magnon, high-pitched) Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!
Mojo Rojo:Come on guys,lets scadoo before we get the crud kicked outta us
further!
(all fly away.)
Speedy:Watch where ya step Magnon!(they all do the pose.)
Oynx: What pose?
Stüssy: This pose!
Oynx: WHAT pose?
Stüssy: THIS pose!
Oynx: But you're not posing!
Yaga: Will you two shut up?
Narrator:Of course the Press has a field day with this and soon come rushing
toward our heros.
Speedy:Ahhh the Press,
Oynx: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Stüssy: Will you STOP that?
now okay reporters it really wasn't all me that did all the work I mean it
was mainly me but...
Stüssy (Speedy): It was the author, actually.
(the reporters rush past Speedy and talk to Guido and Polly.)
Reporter 1:Guido is it true you wear women's underwear?
Oynx: (Guido) No! Of course not! Now if you will excuse me, I think I have
wet my Depends.
Reporter 2:Polly,can you love a man who isn't kind to children?
Mossimo: (Reporter 3) Why do they sell hot dogs in packages of six and hot
dog buns in packages of eight?
Yaga: (Reporter 4) What's the square root of pi?
Oynx: (Reporter 5) How much pan would a Hanpan pan if a Hanpan could pan
han?
Stüssy: (Reporter 6) Do hedgehogs eat lard?
Speedy:I feel ignored.
Stüssy: (Narrator) Suddenly, the press comes running to Speedy.
Oynx: (Reporter 7) Is it true that you are a necrobeastialititian?
Yaga: I think I'm glad I don't know what that means.
Narrator:But as Speedy mops
Mossimo: Mop mop mop, all day long..
Oynx: Mop, mop mop, as I sing this song.
Yaga: Gonna wash this floor, gonna make it shine.
Stüssy: Gonna wipe off the spray paint with turpentine.
over being ignored by the press a pair of sinister eyes are watching him.
(shows Nexa floating in the air watching them from afar.)
Nexa:(thinking)So those are the Samurai Pizza Cats.They don't look so tough.
Narrator:Never the less they always seem to whoop every villain's buttocks
Mossimo: a.k.a., loco naglas
Stüssy: Hee hee hee hee!
Oynx: Stüssy, don't even start.
Yaga: It means "crazy buttocks".
Mossimo: Sounds like an Teletubbies episode.
that tries to harm Little Tokyo.
Stüssy: Stüssy 3:16 says I just whipped your buttocks!
Yaga: Wha'?!
Including the Big Cheese.
(scene swicthes to the Jerry and Bad Bird bowing before his Cheeseiness in
fear.)
Big Cheese:WHY!?WHY!?(starts turning red)
WHY MUST I ALWAYS LOSE!??!
Stüssy: 'Cause Stone Cold Stüssy said so!
Yaga: Snap out of it.
Bad Bird:Just not very lucky I guess.
Big Cheese:Thats the understatment of the year!Why did the Rude Noise fail?!
Stüssy: Because some of us are over eight years old and we don't crack
up and get left helpless by rude noises!
Oynx: Ffffttttt!
Mossimo: Braaaaaap!
(Both laugh)
Bad Bird:Their bumbling dorks I guess.
Oynx: (Big Cheese) Why didn't you tell me they had bumbling dorks in their
posession?
Big Cheese:True enough but you don't got much room to talk Bad Bird!
Oynx: Combine Big Cheese and Bad Bird... what do you get?
All: Big Bird!
(all of a sudden Nexa telaports in.)
Nexa:But I do.
Oynx: How could Nexa overhear them when he wasn't even there yet?
Big Cheese:Who are you?
Stüssy: (Nexa) I..AM..IRON MAAAAAAN!!
Nexa:I'm Nexa.The greatest Vulture Warlock ever!I was one of two royal mages
to Emperor Fred 18 years ago.
Stüssy (Nexa): I have sailed the seven seas and crossed every mountain
known to man! Now, let me tell you about this incident at the coffee shop..
Big Cheese:Doesn't ring a bell.
Oynx: (Big Cheese) Oh, I remember now! Emperor Fred was friends of Emperor
Joe, Bob, Bill, and John.
Yaga: Let's hear it for simple names.
Mossimo: How about not?
Bad Bird:(whispering)Hey Jerry,if he was in the palace why doesn't Seymour
remember this clown?
Jerry:(whispering)Cause Cheesy did'nt join the council 18 years ago,he joined
16 years ago.This guy musta been long gone before he came around.
Mossimo: This is starting to sound like a soap-opera...
Nexa:Word is in the underworld
Stüssy: Word up, foo'!
that you are really an evil criminal,not just a council member.
Big Cheese:No duh.Your boring me Nexa.
Yaga: Who has which boring?
Stüssy: I think he meant to say: "You boring. Me Nexa."
Nexa:Wait!Maybe this'll refresh your memory!I worked with Kascro!
(All laugh)
Mossimo: Sounds like a cheese company.
Stüssy: Hey, kids! Buy NEW Kascro macaroni and cheese!
Oynx: Speaking of cheesy...
And I know that the Samurai Pizza Cats killed him!
Big Cheese:Kascro!
Stüssy: Cheese!
Oynx: Kascro!
Stüssy: Cheese!
Mossimo: Nexa!
Oynx: Kascro!
Yaga: Jerry!
Mossimo: Nexa!
Stüssy: Cheese!
Yaga: Jerry!
Oynx: Okay, that's enough.
Jerry:Isn't he that Warlock Bad Bird ki-
Yaga: Kilogram!
Mossimo: Kilt!
Oynx: Kiwi!
Stüssy: Kinichiwa!
(Big Cheese smaks Jerry with his fan.)
Oynx: (Big Cheese) Oh, I'm thorry, thweety, I tho didn't mean to hurt you.
My thtarth.
Stüssy: Big Cheese only has one fan?
Yaga: I 'smak' you if you make any more riffs like that.
Jerry:Ouchy! What was that for boss?
Big Cheese:(whispering)Shut up Jerry!This guy doesn't know that Bad Bird
killed Kascro!He thinks the Pizza Cats did it!
Jerry:Ohhhhh I see.
Oynx: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Stüssy: DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!
Nexa:I'll help you destroy the Samurai Pizza Cats,if you'll let me become
a general in the Ninja Crow army like Bad Bird.
Big Cheese:It's a deal!(both shake)
Mossimo: Na na na na na na na!
Stüssy: Gettin' jiggy with it.
Yaga: They shook HANDS, guys.
Narrator:Meanwhile at the Pizza Parlor.
Oynx: (Italian PaRappa) Mama-mia! I'm-a outta pepperoni! What-a should I
do-a?
Stüssy: (Italian PaRappa) I-a know-a! I gotta-a believe-a!
Yaga: Oh, boy. How I love Italian stereotypes.
Penguin Customer:Waiter!This pizza is way to hot!
Oynx: Where's hot?
Mossimo: (Redneck) Yup, jus' take the good ol' route 6 and you'll be at "Hot"
in less time than it takes to git likered' up!
Wolf Customer:Darn it!Waitress,there's not enough raw meat on my pizza!
Turtle Customer:Waiter,this pizza just plain sucks!
Oynx: (Lion Customer) Waiter, my penguin, wolf, and turtle pizza is still
moving!
Mossimo: Author, this fanfic just plain--
Yaga: Don't slam the author too much.
Stüssy: Stone Cold Stunner!
Yaga: Oh, no...
(scene switches to Polly and Francine in the back room.)
Polly:How I despise their whining.
Francine:Maybe we should start a resteraunt in America.
Polly:Great idea!
Oynx: So this IS in Italy!
Mossimo: Mama-Mia! It doesn't look-a like-a tower of Piza to me-a!!
Narrator:While Francine and Polly gripe about being stuck in Little Tokyo,
Stüssy: Ha ha. You thought they were in Italy. They're really in Africa.
Yaga: Stüssy!
Stüssy: What?
Yaga: Japan is NOT in Africa!
Stüssy: I meant Europe.
Yaga: I give up.
trouble is arising at the house of royalty.
(out of nowhere Nexa telaports in during the middle of a council meeting.)
Al:Nexa?! Whats your fa**oty little rear end doin' here?!
Stüssy: What's Big Gay Al doing HERE? That's what I want to know.
Mossimo: Oooh! He said a bad word!
Oynx: Th*t w*rd is ban*ed in o*r co*ntry.
Nexa:I can see that your overwhelmed with glee to see me Dente.
(takes out a glass crystal ball and throws it up into the air.)Vulture glass
eye drain the Emperor's soul!(with that the ball sucks up Fred's soul into
the ball leaving Fred a living statue.)
Stüssy: A LIVING statue?
Yaga: How I love double negatives.
Vi:Turn him back you filthy old worm eating little puke!
I'm a Princess and you have ta do whatever I say!
Council Member:What do you want anyway!?
Nexa:I want revenge on Kascro's murder.
Al:Why?He was an arrogant,pompous,evil,cunning
Oynx: ignorant, sinful, wicked,
Mossimo: inferior, offensive, disagreeable,
Stüssy: pernicious, negative, sly,
Yaga: idiotic, ferocious, unfavorable,
Mossimo: and this is beginning to get annoying, vexatious, bothersome.
little sicko who you sell out his own mother for half a pack of ciggarettes
and a chocolate bar!
Stüssy: Hey, that's a pretty good deal, actually.
Nexa:Yep!Those are all reason's why he and I got along so well.If you want
to see Fred again
Stüssy: fwd tHis tA 19348901 of uR fwEnZ aNd yUll GEt ICQ 2000 eeheheheh!!
tell the Samurai Pizza Cats to meet me at the old Vulture Warlock Temple
outside of Little Tokyo.(telaports away)
Al:(muttering)Jerk.
Narrator:An extremly short time later at Big Al Dente's room.)
Al:(talking to Francine over the phone)Francine,ya gotta tell the Cats to
get over here fast!
Francine:All righty then!
Oynx: Hey, it's Ace Ventura!
Stüssy: Do NOT go there....Whooooo!!
You three(points to our heros)to the shutes!
Oynx: Shute up, stupid!
Guido:All right!A chance to get outta this place!
Francine:May I have your attention please,we're now doing an emergency blast
off I need silence please so don't cough.Boom!(shoots them off)
Oynx: AHAHAHAAHAA! What the heck is "Boom!" supposed to mean?
Mossimo: I have no idea. Boom!
Yaga: Man, do these people like onomatopoeia.
Stüssy: You know if you replace the "M" in boom with a "B", You'll get
"boob"?
Yaga: Pervert!
Mama:Cough?I'll cough all I wanna cough!
Son:Then will you step over that white line?
Mama:No way,now that'll get me into trouble.
Stüssy: Hahahahahahaha!! Get it? White line? Heh heh... heh...
Oynx: Pills are good, Stüssy. Pills are good.
(scene switches to the Cats in Al's room talking.)
Speedy:So who turned Fred into a statue again?
Stüssy: I take it this happens every week.
Al:It was a guy named Nexa.
Polly:Nexa?What kind of name is that?
Al:All Vulture Warlocks have weird names.
Guido:Vulture Warlocks?What are they?
Stüssy: vulture warlocks are vultures tat are warlock.
Yaga: HUH?
Stüssy: Never mind.
Al:Well it was what Kascro was.
Polly:He was?!So what does this "Nexa" guy want?
Stüssy: (Polly) So, tell me what he wants, what he really really wants.
Mossimo: (Al) I'll tell you what he wants, what he really really wants!
Yaga and Oynx: NOOOOO!!!
Al:He and Kascro were both royal mages 18 years ago but were kicked out of
the palace cause they were studying Buzzard Magic.Nexa thinks that you three
killed Kascro.
Speedy:What!?That scum suckin' weasel
Stüssy: Hee hee hee! Suck. Hee hee hee!
Yaga: (punches Stüssy in the nose)
Bad Bird killed Kascro!Were the good guys!
Stüssy: Check our our special offer on speakers and DVD!
We don't kill guys!Even a nasty jerk like Kascro.
Stüssy: Calm your hormones..
Mossimo: Maybe that's why they call him Speedy.
Al:Yeah but I doubt Nexa will belive that.You guys gotta go to the old Vulture
Warlock Temple a little outside of Little Tokyo.
Guido:No problem!Lets go Cats!
Stüssy: Quick! To the Catmobile!
Speedy:Hey,I thought I was the leader!(all run out)
Narrator:As our heros rush to save the Emperor Nexa
Stüssy: Huh? Nexa's the Emperor all of a sudden?
Oynx: And they're trying to save him?
and the Ninja Crow's are having a grand old time!
Mossimo: (Ninja Crow) Oh, what a grand old time!
Oynx: (Ninja Crow) Absolutely, old chap. Would you care for a spot of tea?
Bad Bird:Yes sir ree Bob!We've set the ultimate trap for those Pizza brats!
Stüssy (Bad Bird): See, it's got a cardboard box held up by a stick
with a carrot underneath! Cool, huh?
Their as good as dead!
(scene shows the Samurai Pizza Cats walking into the temple with Bat Cat.)
Speedy:Gee Bat Cat I'm sure glad you can help us out.
Oynx: Gee golly willikers and shucks be darned!
Stüssy: Help US out by ending the story!
Bat Cat:No problem guys,besides I wasn't doing anything else today.
Polly:Cut the chatter boys,look!(points to the Vulture's eye which is laying
in a little shrine)
Guido:Lets grab that thing and get outta here!
Stüssy: Hee hee hee.
Yaga: And I thought you had redeemed yourself for a moment there..
Bad Bird:Sorry Anchoive,
Oynx: Hey, he's from New Jersey!
Stüssy: It's pronounced New Joisey.
it's not that simple.Ninja Crows!(a ton of Ninja Crows emerge from the darkness
lookin' for a fight.)So long Pizza Cats!(all start attacking them)
Polly:(clawing them)Whats the matter boys?You sore now?
(a Ninja Crow grabs Speedy and hurls him at Bat Cat,but then Guido hipnotizes
a Ninja Crow
Mossimo: Huh?
Stüssy: I think it's when you take control of somebody's thigh.
to attck that Crow.)
Oynx: Attck?
Mossimo: He threw him into the attic.
Bat Cat:Thanks Guido,now lets blow these little Hellions into the ground!(blows
a ton of Ninja Crows into the wall)
Oynx: WHOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!!!!
Stüssy: Ha! He said the GROUND!
Bad Bird:Look at that little bastard go!(takes out his sword and slices Bat
Cat's fan off)
Oynx: Oh my god! They killed Fanny!
Stüssy: You bastard!
Mossimo: Why are there all these fans in the story?
Stüssy: Why do the SPC have any fans at all?
Guido:Bad Bird leave him alone!(blasts him with the Sunspot Umbrella and
BB flys across the room in extreme pain)
Bat Cat:Time to release Fred.(touches the ball but he too turns into a staute!)
Bad Bird:Hahaha!Too bad you bozos
Stüssy: Hee hee hee. Bozo.
didn't touch it!Yet the city park may need a Bat Cat staute to go along with
the one of our dear beloved Emperor Fred. Big Cheese will be thrilled! Got
ya again Pizza brats. Heheheheh.
Stüssy: Hey, he's one of those ICQ guys!
Oynx: ehhehhehehehehehe!
(starts running for a secret passage in the temple)
Stüssy: And runs into a wall.
Polly: Don't you ever fight your own battles Bad Bird!?
Bad Bird: Heh!Why should I?
Stüssy: Because it would give us more to make fun of!
(runs out the secret passage with the Cats in hot pursuite
Mossimo: Hey buddy, wanna buy a hot pursuit?
Oynx: How much does it cost pursuit?
but the door shuts on them and Nexa appers above them.)
Nexa: Ahhh so finally I meet the Samurai Pizza Cats.
Speedy: And who might you be?
Nexa: I am the great,and very cool,NEXA!
Mossimo:(Nexa) Awesome, impressive, exalting and VERY bad at picking a line,
NEXA!!!!!
Guido: So why are you mad at us?Or are you just plain mean like the Ninja
Crows?
Nexa:Well I am an all around wicked kind of guy and I hate no badnicks like
you,but you did kill Kascro who was my best friend!
Polly:Well there's sumthin' you should know,Bad Bird killed Kascro! Not us!
Nexa:(sarcastically)Sure like I'm gonna belive a Samurai Pizza Cat over a
high ranking general in the Ninja Crow army.(shoots energy blasts)
Polly:(jumping outta the way)ACK!
Stüssy: I swallowed an ice cube!
You jerk!(throws Heart Darts at him)
(Nexa creates a magic shelid which just deflects the darts.
Oynx: In Final Fantasy 7, Heart Darts would heal you.
Mossimo: Those are Heart Cards, stupid.
Oynx: Oh, yeah.
Nexa then shoots a black ball of energy that hits Polly knocking her out.)
Stüssy: It's the Bowling Ball of DOOOOOM!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!
Speedy:Polly!Thats it you @$$!
Oynx: Yes, you are currently at two dollar signs.
Your a goner!Samurai Cat's Slash!(shoots the blast at Nexa yet he creates
a force fleid which deflects the blast)
Nexa:Oh you scarin' me.(shoots out energy blasts at Speedy yet dodges it
while the blasts hit the Vulture's eye freeing Fred and Bat Cat instead)
Speedy:How do ya like them apples?
Yaga: Huh?!
Stüssy: Hmm, they aren't ripe enough yet. I think Fuji's are in season,
though.
Nexa:You little worm!Buzzard Black Lighting!(shoots out black lighting with
shocks Speedy knocking him out)Just give up you two!
Bat Cat:Bite me creep!
Nexa:Fine then!(shoots a black fire ball which wounds Bat Cat badly)
Gudio:Come on you Vulture Warlock worm eating twit!Your dead meat!
Oynx: Why is he suddenly talking about his dead meat?
Mossimo: Maybe he's in a desperate need of Viagra.
Stüssy: And who the heck is Gudio?
Nexa:Ohhhh
Oynx: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Stüssy: GAAAAAAHHH!!
sounds like a fight!Say goodbye hair ball!This ones for Kascro!(shoots a
big old blast)
Guido:(absorbing it with the unbrella)Not in this life time jerk off!
Stüssy: I didn't know crows could--
Yaga: Hey, that's enough.
Nexa:(thinking)Hey,now I know what he's holding!The Sunspot Umbrella!If the
legends are true he could destroy me and this temple easy !That is if he
knows how to really use it.I'm outta here!(telaports)
Guido:Darn it!I didn't get to zap him with this blast!
Narrator:At the Big Cheese's chamber's.
Big Cheese:YOU IDOITS!You failed!I'm getting mad!(starts turning red)
Stüssy: (Ren) YOU EEEDIOT!!
Nexa:I don't get it,what happens when he gets mad?
Bad Bird and Jerry:You'll see.
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
Oynx: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! Hey, that was fun.
Nexa:(charred)I had ta ask.
Oynx: (Stan) What the hell was that?
Mossimo: (Kyle) Cartman's farting fire!
THE END
Stüssy: No, this can't really be...
Oynx: The End!
Stüssy: Nooooo!!!
Oynx: What? Why are you actually sad?
Stüssy: I liked the funny words! Blow. Hee hee hee. Buttocks. Hee hee
hee. Suck. Hee hee hee. Bozo. Hee hee hee hee hee.
Yaga: Will you take the honor, Oynx?
Oynx: With pleasure. (Blasts Stüssy with the Sunspot Umbrella)
Stüssy: How did you get that?
Oynx: Shute up! (Punches Stüssy right in the nose)
Stüssy: (sliced up) Ouchy! Where's the Hydrogen Peroxide?
(Mossimo, Yaga, Oynx, and a bruised up Stüssy walk out of the theatre)
Mossimo: So, that's the Samurai Pizza Cats.
Oynx: Yup. Well, I'm glad that's over with.
Yaga: What should we do now?
Oynx: Hey, I know! Let's jump back over to that theatre! Now they're playing
a Dragonball Z fanfic!
Stüssy: Hey, good idea, Oynx!
Yaga: (shaking her head) We live in a twisted world.
Mama:Cough?I'll cough all I wanna cough!
Son:Then will you step over that white line?
Mama:No way,now that'll get me into trouble.