Alien Phobia

"KILLED 231 F****** ALIENS" --a high score quote, which normally wouldn't have any asterisks (I'll get you for this, censors).

Developer: Wah Software Publisher: Wah Software Genre: Mindless Action Players: 1 Size: 142K ESRB: I'm guessing...Mature for gore and language Difficulty: Impossible Download: http://www.wah-software.net/download/aphob11.zip

When my bungling, nameless, and extremely disgusting "friend", who's obsessive-compulsive perverted behavior causes him to feel it absolutely, no, COMPLETELY necessary to make those odd, expulsion-worthy, revolting, yet squishy and amusing sound effects from Hell every single friggin' day of the week at school in a lame attempt to be mildly funny first told me about this little known game called Alien Phobia, I had no idea what to expect. It sounded kinda lame, to tell you the truth. You just run around and shoot things. However, when I realized that this is what you do in 100.314159% of all action games, I checked it out. And then, I knew that this was not only going to be Game of the Year, but Pointless Game of the Year as well!

Gameplay--You play as a nameless, tiny, unknown marine with a machine gun, who fights off invading amounts of aliens on a top-down perspective. You can move 360 degrees while evading and firing at the hordes of aliens, and even grab a couple power-ups. There are only two things to pick up--a medkit (which, like in every other action game created, defies realism by restoring health instantaniously--lets see a real doctor do that) and a flamethrower, the best weapon ever created, which can mow down 20 aliens at once! While just running around the screen and shooting aliens doesn't sound all that fun, the catch is that as you eliminate aliens, more begin to run onscreen...and more still...and more...until the screen is literally FILLED with aliens, and no matter how hard you try to run across the screen, machine gun blazing, to grab that flamethrower, you'll realize that you have no chance against the vicious, unmerciful, unforgiving *shudder* ALIENS.

Graphics--Well...the game's only about 142K big, so don't expect any FMV or transparency effects here. The "hero" is extremely small, and doesn't have much detail (or character) either. The aliens look a bit better, but look like reindeer all the same. Off course, the best part of the graphics would have to be the gore. While it may look like green and red pixels smashed together (hey, Christmas colors! This IS a family oriented game!), it mixes in nicely with the strewn alien body parts and landscape. I never thought I'd say something like that before.

Music--Uh, there isn't any music either, but who cares? With carnage like this, there isn't time. There're about three, no, four sound effects: When you're hit (doesn't sound very realistic), when an alien dies (it only happens randomly, but the squeal sounds kickspum!), the machine gun (I hear that a lot ^_^), and the flamethrower (it's okay, but it could be better). Oh, wait, I forgot one: The disembodied crowd screaming at the beginning for no reason! I love it! Plus, there's always the sound effects that you can make by yourself, such as "Gaaaaaaaaah!", "Daaaaaaa!" or "Nooooooo!", which is just as fun as the game itself.

Control--While there are only six keys you need to know, four are used in gameplay, so it isn't that terribly challenging like most computer games. Your marine responds like the ship in Asteroids (actually, this is what it was based on) and the characters in Resident Evil--you can go forward, or turn around 360 degrees. You move a little slow to turn around, but it doesn't really matter. Also, while this isn't really a controls feature, your machine gun has unlimited ammo! Wah Software actually knew that gamers loved this sort of thing!

Fun Factor--This ain't exactly Quake 2, but the thrill of mowing down horde after throng after legion of aliens spells fun all the same. To some, it may seem pointless, and that's exactly what it's supposed to be. The idea of assuming the role of a helpless marine armed only with two weapons, trying to take on a planet of aliens is hilarious. The game's so pointless, it's made me laugh while I played it. And that's a GOOD thing, folks.

Overall Satisfaction--While there aren't any modes, options, or levels, AP delivers when you need a quick burst of adrenaline, a good laugh, or a quick to load, easy to pick up, action filled funfest. I applaud WAH Software for their efforts, and can't wait to try out more of their software! This game's a hole in one, Reggie!

Highs: Pointless, yet extremely fun, hilarious concept, includes self made sound effects
Lows: Bad graphics, no modes of play, only two weapons, etc...BUT WHO CARES? It's Alien Phobia, goshspoonit!
Score: 8