War. Hatred. Poverty, disease. All of it stems from one thing. And no, this one thing is not money. Money is not the "true" root of evil. The true root of evil is something even more sinister, something even more... uh, evil. And something that hides behind a cute, jiggly face.

Blue Jell-O.

As opposed to Green and Orange Jell-O, Blue Jell-O has one thing in mind. The destruction of Earth. His loyal subjects (Leonardo DiCaprio, the Spice Girls, Mr. Clean, and Chuck E. Cheese) either don't know or don't care that this will mean THEIR death as well. Bad guys are such damned idiots.

However, we are the only group who have stood up to the tyranny of Blue Jell-O. We are... FART. Force of Active Resistance and Termination. I am the leader of FART; my name is Bug. My loyal sidekick, and the only other member of FART is Warm-Aid. He's the orange, deformed, illegitimate son of Kool-Aid.

Together, we stand up to Blue Jell-O.

We're doomed.

Chapter 1

I was seated at my desk, doing important stuff. Well, not really. As leader of FART, I was supposed to be doing business or planning stuff. But that was boring. So, instead, I decided to play my Pokémon: Red game.

"Damned elusive Scyther," I growled, tapping the Gameboy's buttons furiously. "I'll get you, just wait and see!"

"Uh, Bug?" said a voice in front of me. I dropped my Gameboy and whipped out my weapon - a cellular phone- and pointed it at whoever dared speak with the leader of FART as he played Pokémon.

It was Warm-Aid, my best friend. You may know his father, Kool-Aid. Well, Kool-Aid had gotten drunk one night, and got together with somebody's leg, if you get my drift. Warm-Aid was the result. Since his mother was a leg, he's a bit deformed. Instead of two arms and two legs, he has two legs and two legs. In place of his arms... legs.

"What is it?" I asked politely, tucking away my cell phone. That was a dangerous weapon to be pointing around. "Can I help you?"

Warm-Aid looked at me oddly as I pretended to be doing work on important documents. "Uh, today you get recruits. Remember? You said FART is too weak as it is, and we need more members."

I shrugged. "OK. Anybody volunteered?"

Warm-Aid looked at a bunch of the papers on my desk. "They're right there, Bug. You've had them for a over a week. They come in today."

I jumped up. "What!? But we're a cliché rebellion force! Nobody is supposed to know where we're hidden, or else the big Emporer, Blue Jell-O, will find and destroy us!"

Warm-Aid blinked. "If they do, they'll just look at a small group called FART and just ignore us. They already have."


"Um, last week?" Warm-Aid said with a sigh and slight shake of his head. "You were there, and you told Blue Jell-O hismelf that FART was nothing more than a group for people who stink."

"Oh, yeah."

"Just look at the recruit forms," Warm-Aid said, and walked away.

After careful deliberation, and help from my lucky quarter, I managed to single out seven of the toughest pansies. They were Testicles-Kabuterimon, a failed Digimon. Grahf, the seeker of power. Hopefully, he'd have found some. The Cool Whip guy, who became a travelling mercenary after his commercials were no longer shown. The infamous Tinky-Winky, better known as the purple Teletubby. Mega Man, who has as many sequels to his games as Mario. Nall, who claims to be a large, white dragon. He could be useful. And finally, T.G. Cid, who I already didn't like. He seemed far too powerful in his resume. He doubltess was making it all up.

Chapter 3

Six of the seven recruits showed up. I was told that T.G. Cid was off, fighting yet another angel-typed bad guy single-handedly. Psh. Yeah, right.

"First!" I called. "Testicles-Kabuterimon!"

A large, light brown bug type creature stepped forward. The creature was by far the hugest here; he was larger than a building.

"That's testicLEES," he corrected. "Pronounced like 'HercuLEES'".

"Uh... why?"

Testicles-Kabuterimon shrugged, which looked rather odd for a bug. "Don't ask. The author of this story has some odd friends."

"What can you do?" I asked the standard questions for everyone joining FART. "Any special abilities?" Testicles-Kabuterimon shrugged again. "Stop doing that," I said.

"Uh, sorry," he mumbled. "Anyhow, like most Digimon, I have a special attack. Just one, though. It's called..."


"Well, it's rather embarassing." Testicles-Kabuterimon sighed. "Horney Attack."

I had to bite my tongue to not laugh, and even then, it was hard.

"I basically just strike somebody with the horn on my head," he explained. "But it does more than just physical damage, it also blasts them with-"

"That's enough," I said, nodding. "You suck, but you look like a bug, and since my name is Bug... you're in."

"Thanks!" said Testicles-Kabuterimon. Then he stamped off.

I looked down at my papers. "Next!" I called out to the line in front of me. "Grahf, the seeker of power!"

Out of the sky dropped Grahf, upside down. He flipped over rightside up and hovered in the air in front of me, arms crossed. Weird, semi-ominous music played in the background.

"I am Grahf, Seeker of Power," he said in a deep voice.

I nodded. "Yeah, that's what it says on your resume. What can you do?"

Grahf held out one arm, which was now glowing red. "Doth though desire the power?"

I looked at the arm warily. "Depends. What the HFIL kinda power is that?"

"The Power of Destruction... to destroy God..."

I blinked. "Ain't that just dandy. I actually don't believe in goD, so you can keep your 'power' to yourself. Now, tell me, what can you do?"

"I draw upon the seed of the mother of destruction..." Grahf intoned. "Now, take thy power!"

"Look, Grahf," I said angrily, standing up. "Your background music is really annoying me, and you're saying the same damned things over and over."

"Aw, c'mon!" Grahf said, losing the deep and menacing voice to a high pitched, whiny one. "Pleeeease? They took it!" Grahf pointed back to three people; Vanderkaum, Shakham, and Stone, who waved back. "Just take it!"

"You don't get the job, Grahf. Beat it"

"Aw... nuts..." Grahf hung his head and slumped over a little bit, then walked away.

"Next! Cool Whip guy!"

A small puff of cool whip (or something) no more than two feet tall hovered in front of me, a massive grin on it's face below it's dark sunglasses.

"Hey, hey!" he said. "It's me, the Cool Whip guy!"

"Yo!" I said sitting back down. "I've seen your commercials. You rock, man!"

The Cool Whip guy suddenly grew arms and crossed them modestly. "Yeah, well, what can I say?"

"OK," I said, "What can you do?"

"Shapeshift!" the Cool Whip guy said. "Watch!"

Much to my surprise - and disgust- the cool whip began to move around, forming a human shape. Then, when small features began to be etched, I realized he was a tiny, white clone of Grahf, except with sunglasses. "I seek power!" he mocked.

I laughed. "You have a good abilities, you're a cool guy, AND made fun of Grahf.. you're in!"

"Excellent!" the Cool Whip guy said, floating away.

"Next! Nall!"

A white cat with wings flew up, right in front of me, staying aloft by slowly beating it's wings. "I'm Nall," it said in a wierd voice.

"Uh..." I looked over the papers. Yeah... Nall was supposed to be a white dragon. "Get lost, cat. I'm looking for the REAL Nall!"

The flying cat's hair bristled. "I am NOT a cat! And I really am Nall, honestly!"

"Yeah, right," I sneered. "You're the white dragon. Go away. You don't get the job."


"I said, go AWAY!" I growled. Nall sighed and turned around. He flew away a few feet before turning into a huge white dragon in a bright flash of light. I blinked at him as he flew away. "Ah... damnit."

I shook my head. He talked too funny, anyway. "Next! Tinky-Winky!"

"Yo," said the purple Tele-tubby in a rough voice, walking up to me desk and taking a seat.

I blinked in surprised. "I, uh.. thought you couldn't speak any other words that-"

"Big Hug and the like," said Tinky-Winky, waving it off with one hand. "Whatever, this is what I really am. The REAL me, not just something softened down for kids."

"So you really ARE gay?"

"I'm not freaking gay!!" he growled.

I cleared my throat. "Sure, you're not. Well, then, what can you do?"

Tinky-Winky stood up and leaned against my desk towards me. I backed away a few inches just in case he was making a pass at me. "Blue Jell-O, as you know controls the minds of little kids. Especially fourteen year old bespecled computer geeks who really like the way Jell-O tastes. However; I am even better at controlling children's minds. Especially the teenagers younger and older sisters; which'll then affect the whole family. We can slowly work against Blue Jell-O's influence."

"Hey, great!" I said, shaking his hand. "I like you! Uh, not like that. Uh... yeah, you're in."

Tinky-Winky shrugged, lit a cigarette, and walked away.

One more to go. Damnit. "Next, Mega Man!"

A four foot tall little boy in blue spandex and a matching helmet walked up to my desk. I later learned it was a robot. "Hello!" he said.

At the sound of his voice, even biting my tongue couldn't make me stop laughing.

"What's so funny!?" he asked agrily. "Is it my height? Because I've beaten dozens of evil robots three times my size!"

"No," I said in between laughs, "it's your voice!" It was very high pitched and squeeky. Mega Man sounded like a nine year old little girl.

Mega Man scowled. "I don't have to take this. I'm out of here!"

"No, wait," I said. Or tried to say, I think it was completely drowned out by me own laughing.

"Way to go, Bug," Warm-Aid said, walking up to me. "Oh, and I've taken the liberty of adding T.G. Cid to the group."

"WHAT!?" I asked incredulously. "Why him? He's liar, he's not THAT strong! I mean, for instance, if he was in a video game, say a Final Fantasy, then he would make everybody else in the game useless, and that game wouldn't be fun. So he CAN'T be that strong, it's impossible!"

Warm-Aid looked at his note. "Well... he has the Atma Weapon as a sword, he has a pet Pokémon caleld Mewtwo... he has the Knight of the Round summon materia, and he has the Gear Seibzehn."

I snorted. "So?"

Warm-Aid shook his head. "He's part of the team, OK?"

Chapter 4

"Next!" I called out. Warm-Aid looked up from the map in which he was planning a strategic attack.

"Bug, will you shut UP!?" he growled. "For the fifth time today, the recruits are DONE! Damnit, you finished them all up three days ago!"

I scratched the back of my neck. "Oh, yeah." I shrugged and went back to playing my Gameboy, as Warm-Aid did all the important business stuff. After a few minutes, Tinky-Winky walked up to my desk and put a hand on the table. I snatched my hand back so that he wouldn't try and touch it or anything gay like that. "Can I help you, ga-I mean, Tinky-Winky?"

Tinky-Winky closed his eyes for a moment. "For the last time, Bug, I am NOT gay!" He shook his head and stalked off. Then he walked back.

"I forgot what I had wanted to talk about," he explained. I nodded in understanding. "When are we going to do anything? Personally, I'd rather be known as FART the resistance group, not a member of a group of people who smell bad."

I leaned forward to smell him and see whether or not he stunk, then I remember that I had told Blue Jell-O that FART was a group of smelly people. I quickly snapped back in case he though I was making a pass.

"Well, Warm-Aid is doing all the important business stuff," I said. "I'm playing Pokémon. Hey, do you have a Scyther? I'll trade ANYTHING for it!"

Tinky-Winky looked at me oddly, then slowly backed away. Testicles-Kabuterimon took his place, holding a Gameboy in one of his many hands. It looked very small held by a large Digimon such as himself.

"I have a Pinsir," he said. "Because I only have Blue version. Pinsir's the best!"

I stood up angrily and pointed my cell phone at him. "Take that back! Butterfree is by far the best! Pinsir sucks! He SUCKS!"

"Put that thing away," he smirked, "and let's play the game for real. MY Pinsir versus YOUR Butterfree. Deal?"

"Deal!" I said, breaking out the link cable. Our Gameboys were soon connected, and we were ready to battle. I laughed internally. Few were able to defeat my level 89 Butterfree. However, my laughter was cut short as I faced Testicles-Kabuterimon's level 346 Pinsir. "Hey! No fair!" I yelled. "You're cheating!"

Testicles-Kabuterimon pretended to look shocked and surprised. "No, reeeally, I raised it from a level 5!"

I was about ready to use my cell phone, when Warm-Aid spoke up. "Hey, guys!" he called. "I have a plan. C'mere."

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